Seeking healing for my children & myself after years of control & abuse from ex

[Phoenix88]

Finding I am still affected by BPD ex by the way he controls & manipulates my young adult sons.  After years of having my parenting repeatedly sabotaged I thought we would be through with this now that my sons are over 18 but their fear and confusion persists.  I used to cruise through this site when they were younger and now I am back because I see how much work needs to be done as my sons decide how to live their lives and how to set boundries.  My PTSD has been flared up after a weekend of threats etc by my ex. and I want to be more solid so I can support my 19 yr old as he grapples with anxiety and fear about how to stand up to his dad.

[livednlearned]

Hi Phoenix88,

I'm so sorry to hear that your PTSD was activated this weekend   and that your ex continues to threaten you.

Does your S19 have anxiety and fear in other relationships, or are his feelings mostly confined to stuff with his dad?

Would you feel comfortable sharing a sample scenario of what is creating fear and anxiety in your son?

Glad you reached out. 

LnL

[ForeverDad]

Are you and your sons in counseling?  Getting an independent and balanced view from someone outside the family dynamic ought to be immensely helpful.  However, your children are adults, you can ask and encourage they try counseling but they can't be forced.  If they decline, don't worry overmuch, you can start your own counseling and share some aspects of the things you learn that may also be helpful for them.  Maybe that will help them decide to seek counseling too.