Not sure where to start

[Lostineggshells]

Hello everyone. I've come here because I desperately need some help. Female here in my late 50's. I've been married for the past 13 years and we've had our ups and downs like normal couples. I did however over the years overlook some things in order to keep the peace. In the last 3 years, something happened... .and I'm not sure what it is. When I met my husband I knew he was a little arrogant but over the years its become out of hand. He thinks that if people don't agree with him, or do what he wants, that they are against him. He's exaggerating stories, he's telling little lies, he's hiding conversations with people, he thinks that people are out to do him in, he thinks I'm trying to screw him over, he truly believes if you don't agree with him, you must be against him, he flies off the handle for little things... .the list goes on and on. I am seriously walking on eggshells. On New Years Eve he flew off the handle yelling at me in front our guests and accused me of being a drunk. Yes, we had been drinking, it was New Years Eve and we were having fun. My friend looked at me like... .what the hell is wrong with him. When I asked for an apology the next day, he said that I was the one that should be apologizing. I tried pointing out his reaction was way out of proportion to the situation and he accused me of changing what happened. I purchased an airline ticket for him to visit his brother for his birthday. He accused me of trying to get rid of him then turned around and went to stay at his parents house for the weekend. When I ask him if he'd like to go out to dinner with friends, he says he can't stand how much they drink. When anything goes wrong, it's always my fault. He's gone after our housekeeper because his mom says she should be fired. Our home is very clean yet, his mom called it morbidly filthy because the baseboards needed dusting. She's telling him I can't be trusted... .and he should make sure he's checking my bank accounts to see where I'm spending money. I am so done... .but I love this man.  I had a conversation with his brother who suggested that I read Stop walking on Eggshells and wowwwww... .It describes exactly everything I'm going through. I'm not sure how to handle all this but I know something has to change.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi Lostineggshells and

i remember how i felt when i learned about BPD, and having a name and a description for what i had been through, coupled with learning that there were others walking in my shoes was such a relief, and gave me so much hope. welcome to the family, you are in good company.

this is a challenging development and i can imagine you are struggling with it. you say that it primarily started in the last three years? were there any signs of it before, even to a lesser extent? was there a major life stressor that occurred for him in the last three years, do you know?

[Lostineggshells]

The only thing that I can think of that has happened significantly is that he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. When the diagnosis came he became vigilant about taking his medication, losing weight and eating right. That lasted a few months and he went back to his normal eating, gained the weight back and has not been doing his testing.  The signs were there before the diagnosis. He has a problem keeping friends because the minute they disagree with him, he thinks they are disrespecting him. He is alienating everyone because they don't *measure up* to his standards.