I'm not there yet, but I think the husband and DIL should be on the same page. My wife's BIL and his wife (my wifes sister) are on the same page now, and the MIL can't manipulate them anymore. So in my opinion, till a couple is not on the same page the MIL will find her way in. My and BIL relationship with MIL is in tatters.
I entirely agree. I had actually filed for divorce. My PD MIL will do absolutely anything to control my husband and override any decision we make together, control our family. It took filing for divorce to get him to open his eyes. He stayed at her house for a month. Saw it all for himself. He caught on to the seeds of doubt she placed in his mind. So we started counseling and we are on the same page. It has been very difficult at times for him to stand up to his mother, but he does. She has now been told that the decisions we make for our family are ours and there is no arguing that. He limits his contact with her and I have chosen for myself to go no contact. I'm not going to expose myself to her and at this point, I can honor her better by not speaking with her than I can seeing her and talking to her. I can't be nice. She came very close to single handedly destroying my marriage. BPs are pros at making codependents of their children. My husband has a long road ahead, but so far, so good and honestly, I believe he's on the road to no contact, too. Every time he speaks with her and every time she opens her mouth, she digs her hole deeper. My advice, get a good counselor and get on the same page. Make sure you have a counselor that is experienced in enmeshment.