I finally got my intake scheduled.

[JNChell]

I finally got my intake scheduled. It’s two weeks out, but at least it’s starting. My question is, how should I approach the possibility of BPD/NPD with my new T? I’m not sure I should just jump right in and start ranting about it to her. I know what I experienced, my T will only know what I tell her. I want this to work and I definitely need the help. I’m just not sure how to approach this once I’m on the couch.

[Skip]

The intake is really more of an assessment of your mental health status, its not treatment per se', that follows afterward. The psychologist is going to ask you questions about yourself.

[JNChell]

Sorry Skip. I should’ve asked about when the actual therapy begins.

[Jeffree]

JNChell,

I suspect your therapy has already begun. 

That is one of the few benefits from a BPD SO, they seem to bring us to our knees and cause us to start looking at ourselves and our role in the messy dance.

J

[JNChell]

Hasn’t started yet. My intake is in 2 weeks.

[Skip]

Sorry Skip. I should’ve asked about when the actual therapy begins.

Most people start out by telling the psychologist what is bothering them and why. The psychologist will be emotionally support and understanding. Eventually, the discussions will turn to discussions mostly about you and how you are handling things.

Some people just want an ear to listen to them with empathy. Other want guidance on how to cope better. In the case of the latter, you really have to ask questions to the therapist, not just talk and have him/her listen.

Instead of instruction therapy, I enrolled in CBT. It's structured (had a book) and its examines how we process issues and how we can do better. I was in for 8 weeks. It was a very helpful experience.

[JNChell]

Skip, is the book “Feeling Good”? I’ve purchased it. I have yet to crack the cover.

I’ll admit it, I’ll need to talk about the ex in therapy. At least for a while. However, my main goal is my discovery and healing. I feel ready.

[Jeffree]

JNChell,

You missed my point. Sorry about that.

The therapy begins when the student is ready. You have been ready for a while. You have been learning and processing your relationship, your role in it, what you've been through and continue to go through. In that sense your therapy has begun.

Your intake will just be an extension of this work you've begun.

J

[JNChell]

Jeffree, ok . I feel you now. I’m trying, man.

[Jeffree]

It's hard, I know. But anything is better than the day to day brutality of being with her, right?

J

[JNChell]

Most days... .

[araneina]

I went into therapy about a month ago to talk about my relationship with my suspected uBPDex.  Today we spent most of the time talking about me potentially having ADHD and why I am so sensitive to perceived criticism.  She said several things today that irritated me, but only because she was challenging things I was saying - and rightfully so.

I guess what I'm getting at is... .from my limited experience, therapy just goes in the direction it needs to go in. You will talk about your ex, yes, but the focus should be on YOU, not on trying to diagnose your ex.  I hope that makes sense.

Through therapy I have learned SO MUCH about myself and I feel like that's helping me heal.  I mean, yeah, right now I feel as though all of my skin has been peeled off and my therapist just keeps rubbing salt on me but... .I dunno.  It's a necessary pain.  I have a lot of work ahead of me.

[Skip]

Sounds brave. 

[JNChell]

araneina, I agree with you 100% that my therapy should focus on me and not trying to diagnose my ex. It’s an impossibility anyway. Part of me would like to have that validation to prove that I didn’t imagine it. Still in the FOG I guess. I’m anxious to get started again. I’ve been in therapy before. I’m not sure if I really knew enough about myself during those times for it to truly be effective, though. Hope that makes sense. Overall, do you like your T?

[araneina]

araneina, I agree with you 100% that my therapy should focus on me and not trying to diagnose my ex. It’s an impossibility anyway. Part of me would like to have that validation to prove that I didn’t imagine it. Still in the FOG I guess. I’m anxious to get started again. I’ve been in therapy before. I’m not sure if I really knew enough about myself during those times for it to truly be effective, though. Hope that makes sense. Overall, do you like your T?

Oh god trust me, I so wanted her to validate my suspicions as well.  She never diagnosed him, but after I told her my story she looked at me and said, "Well... .one thing I can say is thank god you're out of that relationship."  And she's right.  I know.  Why do our brains and our hearts war with each other?  I miss him every day.  

I like her well enough.  As I said last session she was challenging me and I was irritated, but I know she was doing it on purpose.  I kept making excuses for why I couldn't go out and socialize, and she called me out on it.  However - I have noticed in the last couple of weeks that I am making more of an effort to connect with friends and family members and I definitely credit her for that.  I was really withdrawing into myself, moreso even than while I was with my ex, and that's not healthy at all.

I'm leaving you with this.  It's a random encounter with a gentleman who I sold my keyboard to before I left my last city right after my ex broke up with me.  He texted me thanks, and commented on how he wasn't expecting to meet such a lovely lady off of Craigslist and wished me well on my journey.  I told him my road had been rough lately but I was really trying to make a better go of things.  He replied:

"I encourage you to embrace rough, because success is all uphill.  If things are easy it's a sure sign you are coasting... .and that only happens when you go downhill."

Look at our journey in therapy as an uphill battle.  But if we were like our exes, coasting from relationship to relationship without any awareness of what we were doing, then... .we'd never change.  And we would never find happiness.  You are doing a great thing for yourself.