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Author Topic: My younger sis has BPD  (Read 413 times)
Windylan
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
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« on: January 19, 2018, 03:37:46 PM »

I don't know where too start, because I finally am beginning to understand that my sister who is five years younger than I am has BPD.  I have two friends who are psychologists, one with her masters and the other with a doctorate in the discipline, and both have told me that they think my sister has BPD. I really didn't know what the symptoms/traits of that disorder were until I found your website.  Now, I do feel relief in knowing what has been happening for most of my life in my relationship with my sister, and I plan on starting a deeper understanding by reading the recommended books starting this weekend.  My sister is the cruelest and most caustic person I have ever known.  She frightens me!  Because I have a wonderful loving and supportive  husband, the love of my life, whom I've been married to for 35 years along with a network of very special and loving friends, the wounding my sister has done to me is something I have been able to cope with, but my sorrow over her abuse---that my own sister has negativity etched into her innermost being and abuses me---is deep and with me everyday.  For years, I excused her bizarre behaviors and abuse, because my alcoholic father was abusive, so I constantly forgave my sister hoping she would one day have compassion and stop being abusive towards me.  That day never came.  Instead, as an adult, her abuse became much more serious--even evil. The worst thing she ever did was to ignore my mother's fractured leg and let my mother die of the fracture.  Three days after my mom fractured her leg, I visited her and discovered her leg was fractured, and she asked for help. My sister knew about the fracture but never told me. I asked the facility to take her to the hospital, and they refused saying my sister who had the power of attorney had ordered them not to do so.  I was horrified. My mother had asked for and was denied help! After my mom died a few days later, the Department of Health and Human Services investigated the matter and found the facility had broken the state and federal laws by not taking my mother to the hospital. All my mother had needed was a tiny screw to be placed in her tiny hairline fracture, to save her life.  Instead by the time I found out, the next day she was already dying from irreversible pneumonia caused by marrow fat leaking into her lungs. My sister had unlawfully and secretly euthanized my mother without medical approval.

I got a great deal of counseling.  Everyone said to leave the situation alone---it was between my sister and G-d. When I saw my sister at Mom's memorial service, she justified what she did by saying, "Mom was very punishing." As far as I and the government are concerned, my sister had no right to euthanize my mother.  Also, my sister told all kinds of lies about me to her 5 sons (my nephews) as they were growing up, so they don't talk to me and think I'm in the wrong. One of her friends told me, "You're sister is not your friend."  She even tried to turn my best friend whom I've known since we both were three against me with a lie, however, my friend never believed the lie and told me about it---and of course, we're still best friends. 

Because I used to babysit for this sis when we were younger, I have always wanted to protect and nurture her, but of course, that seems to be impossible.  She has tuned me babysitting for her into horror stories that never happened.

Thank you for any advice you can offer.
Windylan
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Turkish
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12105


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« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2018, 10:27:04 PM »

Oh my... .what a horrible thing your sister did to your mom.  I can't begin to comprehend how the hospital failed your mother; that your sister did goes without saying. Is the investigation ended? What kind of contact do you have with your sister now? What did your counselor offer in way of advice given what your sister did?

T
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Windylan
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
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« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2018, 04:19:40 PM »

The investigation by the Department of Health and Human Services ended and the assisted care facility was cited.  There was enough information to open a lawsuit against the facility, because it broke both state and federal laws by not taking my mom to a hospital. However, my sister would be involved, and both my husband and I are afraid of my sister and what she would do to make our lives miserable.
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Woolspinner2000
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Divorced
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« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2018, 06:31:01 PM »

Hi Windylan,

Thank you for sharing your first, although heartbreaking, post with us. What a horrible situation! I can only imagine how angry and hurt you must be.   No words can begin to console you in your loss.

I really am glad that you've discovered our site though, because there is a lot of helpful information here to help you. Not only will your understanding increase, but you will finally not feel as if no one 'gets' what has gone on because we are all dealing with someone in our lives who has BPD. For me it was my uBPDm.

Those with BPD often really believe the things that they say. To us it is outlandish and horrifying. Here is a link that may be helpful to you:

BPD BEHAVIORS: Projection

Are you able to begin to focus on yourself more and more these days instead of your sister? Is that possible for you?

 
Wools
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There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.  -C.S. Lewis
Turkish
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12105


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2018, 08:33:27 PM »

Would your sister face any legal culpability even if there were a suit,  or would she just be a witness?

If she was willing to do what she did,  I can only imagine how she would react.  It's tough to know the right course here... .
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
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