Divorce filed by wife

[Midwest_Alaskan]

After 15 years of dating and marriage, my wife filed for divorce. I should had know there was a problem. On our first date my she laughed when we met and told me her ex told her she was broken and nobody would ever want her. This pulled at my heart strings. I was her knight in armor. Based on her version of the relationship, they divorced because his family didn’t treat her the same as his siblings during present exchanges at Christmas. This will repeat itself during our marriage.  During the first week of our marriage she threw an object at me and with evil tones told me to crawl back up my mother’s private parts. I ignored the episode and moved on with our marriage. This pattern of uncontrollable rage over issues a normal person would dismiss continued.  Like the time when my parents first and only visit. At their request I made ribs and made chicken breast for my wife (her go to protein). When she realized I catered to my parents wish for ribs, outrage ensued with her attempting to topple the gas grill while cooking. It was frightening. One more example, my wife and I planned on day in town. Prior to leaving for town I mowed some of our 3 acre lawn on my rider. The plan was one hour of mowing. Time slipped and while I was cutting the front lawn, my wife came out and flew into a rage because I promised 1 hour. Multiple other instance all same caliber and witnessed by her mother who doesn’t advise only ignores. Over the years together, she lost all her friends. They would suggest projection and rage were the reason for dropping her. Her last friendship lasted 20 years or more dating back to HS it was long distance. That friendship was cutoff by this long time friend. That’s when my current circumstances truly started. Through Facebook she reunited with her HS friends after 20+ years of how much she hated them, they were phony. One of those friends is a male who is likely unaware of her issues and has been romantically involved. My wife has now filed for divorce and I’m worried about the children. Reasons for divorce this time is once again focused on poor treatment she’s perceives receiving from my family over the 15 years of our relationship. I didn’t stand up to them. She screams i f#####g hate you in front of our kids. Has convinced her mother I’m abusive and we’ve all walked on egg shells for years. In 15 years she’s never said sorry - brief research on my part suggested BPD although from my knowledge she’s never been diagnosed but has been in counseling for most of our marriage.

Little about me so you understand my part in this marriage as it was my 4th. 1st at 18 when I meet a girl in the Army who asked me to protect her from a couple men in the pool room. 2d in early 30s came across a girl experiencing severe anxiety attack (later diagnosed with severe agrophobia) and when I wasn’t around someone had to be with her or panic would ensue... of course these helpers were always men (lasted 5 years). 3D marriage was someone I crossed paths with who had serious methamphetamine addiction (lasted 5 years). Now this, my 4th, I explained the hook earlier (looks like 9 years). There are only two people who really know my wife ... her mother and I. She places all blame on me although she never says I’m sorry, and has forced me and others to walk on egg shells for several years. Will not accept feedback. Considers it an attack.

One more thing, few years back she snooped around in her mothers checkbook and noticed she was spending exorbitant $ on her older brother on cars. This sent her into a rage and vowed to cut her mother out of her life and kids as well. It was me who finally convinced her this would impact our children and advised to not disavow her mother. It wasn’t Christian like and inappropriate.

To the point, my wife projects constantly and is now doing it front of our children albeit inconspicuously. She has filed divorce in no fault state and will take the children. I’m so confused and demoralized from this marriage. What do I do?

Yes, I know I have problems as well. I was raised in strict Roman Catholic environment and somewhere along the line I’ve turned into a caretaker rather than a man.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Midwest_Alaskan]

Forgot to add, my wife fell into a rage so severe she took our 2 year old and infant and left in the middle of the night during the winter 20 miles from the closest city. Her rage was so bad she couldn’t process the danger of taking such action. Watch your children carefully.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Midwest,

I'm sorry that you are experiencing so much turmoil in your relationship. Is your W living with you now or has she left the house? Are you still talking right now or has she cut off contact? Has she ever broken up with you before?