BF tells me to leave. Son pushes me out door.

[Calmcollected]

Last night his 17 year old son, out of school for two years, refuses to get a job, gets up at noon, has his 16 year old girlfriend there half the time, was asked by his dad to put an sms app on his phone so he could download text messages for a frivolous law suit from one of our clients that didn’t want to pay.

He said I’m busy. He was sitting in the couch watching a stream in movie on my movie box and my internet. I’ve paid for the groceries for the last two years, the internet account is in my name.

His dad gets extremely upset and throws his phone down on the couch and leaves to go to work for an hour.

I ask again, he cuts me off saying I don’t know what I’m talking about, says I’m ___ing busy.

I can’t take the disrespect from this kid anymore and I blurt out “you’re dads getting sued for $100,000 and he needs our help, the texts have to be at the lawyer tomorrow. We had rebuttals to make etc.

BPDbf comes home, we all eat the homemade spaghetti and meatballs I made. His son finishes and comes to the kitchen and asks his dad why he didn’t tell him he was getting charged. I said sued and he starts flipping out accusing me of lying, being above them.

His dad is upset that I Even told him. After 6 months of disrespect, stealing my car and driving it without a license, he’s on probation and in breach I just had it.

He told me to leave, take my things and never come back.

I calmly packed up my laptop etc. Left the paperwork that needed to be done for the lawyer, asked if I could have money for insurance due the next day. All vehicles are in my name and under my insurance. I told him if he wanted me to take everything, to go and get my plates. He said do it yourself.

His dad hands me an envelope, I count it out the money I need and hand him the remaining, his son grabs it and throws it in the kitchen. BPDbf turns to grab it, I’m walking out the door and his son shoved me from behind and slammed the door. This is the 2nd time in 4 months.

His dad came out, called me a liar for leaving and taking the internet. I said I didn’t, asked if he was okay with what his son did, kept with the abandonment lines. I call the police. I didn’t lay charges, I should have. They went out to talk to him.

BPDbf is upset that I sent the cops out there, took the internet, said I would take the vehicles, I did it to call the kids bluff.  I told him I’m not taking the disrespect or violence anymore. I did apologize because he wanted the lawsuit private, but that’s why there is so much dysfunction.

There’s no money, the kid is asking for it all the time and enough is enough.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Calmcollected]

This is the message I sent him.

“I didn’t take the modem to hurt you. When he told me to take all my things, I told him to grab the plates. I was calling his bluff, I wasn’t really going to do it. When I first asked him to download that app, he didn’t let me explain what it was and cut me off. When you left and I asked him to get that app for you, he said I’m ___ing busy, I’m watching a movie. I was so angry on your behalf. He sat there using the Internet I provided for him, eating the supper I bought and made. Watching videos on the second phone I bought for him. I lost it. That’s when I told him you were being sued for $100,000 and needed it for the lawyer tomorrow. I changed the password last time and told you I didn’t want him using it anymore, and you let him have it again. I’m at the end of my rope. I am not enabling or babying him any longer.

When he pushed me outside (sons girlfriend) saw it and was laughing, how crazy is that?
He needs a hard lesson. He assaulted a woman tonight. When (sons friend) did it to his mom, you talked about how disgusting that kid is and how you don’t condone violence against women.

He stole a car in my name and I let it go. He stole licence plates of mine, I let it go. He broke the jaw of a 13 year old kid. He flipped your power tools across the yard then destroyed the interior of your house. He punched holes in your drywall because I wanted something to eat before I picked up his girlfriend. He tried to rip your kitchen faucet out of the counter.

I’m extremely good to him. Tonight was the straw that broke the camels back. Despite all of this I still want to be with you and love you. That changes nothing.

[Calmcollected]

He has split me into the bad guy. He posted a meme on Facebook that says
“I’d rather be single than have to deal with sneaky sh!t”

[Calmcollected]

And now he’s on POF again this evening.

[ArleighBurke]

It sounds like you've done the right thing.

How can you start to take care of yourself? This is a traumatic event - he may lash out at you, he may blame you for things - you need to have good friends to lean on, and time to heal/reflect.

[Calmcollected]

He’s been lashing out, calling me a liar, he’s gojng to go whore around to prove me right that he’s a cheater. I caught him the summer before talking to three different women. He was supposed to help my mom fix her bathroom of the house she just bought to change the tub surround and put in a safety bar.

I sent him this “Are you bringing the tools? She’s done nothing to you. Your problem is with me. She lent you $400 for supplies and we’ve never paid it back. She lent you $1300 to make payroll this summer for a week. Be mad at me all you want. But she doesn’t deserve this. ”

He responded “don't ever message me and preach ___inging  anything   ___ you”
I saw he was on POF and said it’s a great big sea out there. I was such a fool.
“he'll yes it is      I'm the fool for believing anything you had to say... .I will find a nice person sooner or later”

I said I love You but I can’t have my heart broken again like last year. I should have stood up for myself sooner.

“and lying through your teeth... thinking you own someone.dictating every inch of his life   and did I mention being a lier       find someone who enjoys being owned. It’s hard being the victim all the time isn’t it”

I said I’ll own myself from now on instead of giving everything I have to others.
“I think I'll just be a who re. ... .why make a lier out of you... .again”
“stop messaging me... .I don't excist  to you anymore”

I said As soon as we have a fight, you abandon me. The one thing I’ve never done to you. Even today.

I got a thumbs up.

[Calmcollected]

Then I sent this. If he shows up it’s a sign. But I don’t think he will.

“I love you. I always have. I know you love me. You told me you loved me, but I was going to leave you anyways. I haven’t left. Despite all the craziness. I still want our life together. You said you knew in your heart I loved you, but your head won’t let you believe. I hope you’ll fight for us instead giving up.

We’ve come so far and we’re close. I’ll be at moms helping tomorrow if you want to help.”

[Radcliff]

Loismay, I'm sorry to hear the situation has gotten so much worse.  I am sure it's very upsetting to be dealing with all of this.

When emotions are running this high for all three of you, nobody is in their best place to communicate well and make good decisions.  Don't expect to fix this right away.  Give it some time for folks to cool down.  Try to keep texts calm and short, and don't try to solve big problems on a little screen.  You are also correct to raise concern about your boyfriend's son's violence.  That is an issue that will need to be dealt with.

We can talk you through this.  Let me ask some questions to get started... .

First, do you have a safe place to stay?  How long can you stay there?

Were the three of you living in a house or apartment?  Do you or your boyfriend own it?  If renting, who is on the lease?

Will you be seeing your boyfriend regularly as part of working together on your business?

WW

[Calmcollected]

I’m safe. My living situation is weird. I’m separated but living with my ex. For the last two and a half years. We lost twins 12 years ago and started sleeping separately and drifted apart. My mom after the death of my dad moved in. When I asked for the separation we had to find her a place to live. We just did. It needs renovations, the bathroom is torn apart and BPDbf is a contractor and promised to help. He isn’t now and finances are low. My divorce is now going through the final stages. We were looking at property and houses to buy. He had bought a mobile home and we had fixed it up. I had invested money in it too. I was supposed to live with him. I am self employed. My inventory as a wedding designer is at my home. I’m alone in this now. I’m faced with about to be homeless with no where to go and frankly no one to tell any of this to. I would be shaken senseless by my friends. His world is about to fall apart. If this isn’t fixable, he will lose everything. I have everything needed for the lawsuit. It’s not gone in and it’s time sensitive.

He’s stating he doesn’t care about anything. I know he will just put his head in the sand. We have two quotes on the go and no income in sight.

I’m sure there is a secondary diagnosis of PTSD from losing two children in a fire 25 years ago. Last time he split was a year and 4 months ago. It took a lot of hard work to get back. The external factors with his kids is what makes this unbearable. A 33 year old that told our staff that he purposely sabotaged his dads marriage and last 2 girlfriends by causing fights to break them up. A daughter who is 21 but at 15 asssaulted another girlfriend, a son until 5 months ago loved me and told his father I had done more in 1 year for him than his mother did in a lifetime. I’m fine with his other two, but they are easily influenced by their siblings. They are all half siblings except for the youngest two.

I love this man. He is inherently good. But I can tell when he is splitting. I can physically see it in his face. I saw it the night everything went wrong and knew I had lost him.

If he agrees to let me help with the business, I will. Last time what brought us together was a license suspension and I drove everywhere. We had started proceedings against his ex wife for claiming the kids on income tax and receiving the child credit even though he had sole custody. He had moved and she put in for court costs from a previous hearing that hadn’t been paid. He also had an overpayment of $22,000 taken from his accounts after he was given sole custody. Didn’t change his adddress on his licence and court papers were sent to old address, licence suspended and we were unaware. Pulled over and charged with no insurance and no licence. As a result I would pick him up everyday and we spent that time together. We would laugh and have the best time together. His truck is on its last legs. It may happen again, but he has moved a half hour away from me and I can’t afford the gas.
We had a big break up last September when another woman started telling me he wanted to break up with me to date her. At that time I had involved the police because his ex wife had blocked me in a driveway trying to take property that I owned. I had caught him removing me from all the bank accounts earlier that day in November because that other woman had told him I would. There was nothing in them, but essential to me helping run the business. I helped him launch it, market and all admin. The police came, they told them I was stealing, I had all the paperwork proving ownership and they said it was a civil case now. I asked to remove my truck (in my name) and I took it home. He had no vehicle, but couldn’t drive it anyways. At the time I only suspected PTSD. I knew he was having a breakdown. I sent him a message stating the PTSD symptoms I’m sure he was experiencing and links for self help boards. That was the first two days. Day three a window comes in, he has no truck and I reach out to help him. He tentatively accepts. Much mistrust, he’s on POF and it’s breaking my heart, but I stand by him. He talks, but doesn’t meet them. By March he officially has hidden his profile, but I would check the date stamp periodically. Something told me to check it and Jan. 22, 10:30pm he has signed in. I had signed in one minute later. I had a fake profile from before. I had contacted him to see if he would bite. He didn’t. It is still hidden. I hope this is a good sign. He’s done reading on PTSD and those support boards. His anger is much slower to flare than ever before.
By letting things calm down, do you see a chance to move forward?

[Calmcollected]

I spoke to him on the phone this morning because a business call came in. I let him know what the business issue was, and then the venting began. I didn’t jade. He’s still upset I called the police, I didn’t explain myself. He said “I defended you against him and you don’t care” I let him know I saw that and said which times he defended me and I appreciated it. Then it went raging for a while, I listened and validated when I could. He couldn’t hear me on the phone, he’s deaf in one ear so he told me to call him later.

[Calmcollected]

I just had a chuckle, one of the ridiculous parts of the rant was “the dogs were so upset from the other night they won’t look out the window.”

[Meili]

By letting things calm down, do you see a chance to move forward?

I know that this sounds trite, but as long as you have hope and want to give the relationship a chance, there is a hope and a chance.

Not JADE'ing is a great thing! Many of us struggle with that. You should be proud of yourself for not doing it.

Validating the valid is always good.

When you said that he went into a rage after you the "defending you" comment, what was that about?

I can't help but feel sorry for the dogs and their being depressed.   to them. 

[Calmcollected]

I wasn’t unsafe, I call it more like ranting. That I lied about never leaving, I would never take my stuff and go. When we had the last big fight over s year ago, I took a piece of art work that was my dads, but of cows in a field back in BPDbf’s home town. It means a lot to him as he grew up on a farm as did I. When we got back together, I told him that I would never take it again. He commented that the dogs were so upset by the fight they were pretty much traumatized and wouldn’t look out the window. He did say I was being a ___ during the fight, but I remained calm and would respond to his son in a cold way after he called me a f ing Bitxh. I asked if he was going to help my mom. He said he’s putting that off for a bit. So he isn’t because the work is getting done today by the Plumber. That’s disappointing. Last year he would have totally shut down and walked off. Through encouragement and patience, he actually will talk to me for 14 minutes about how he felt. I think that’s a break through.

[Calmcollected]

With his PTSD his dogs are everything. When we first used to have fights, he would rage so hard, that his hand had a major tremor and get a really bad migraine. I would want to hold him, but you can’t. Instead I would sit in the floor beside him, so that I was below his level and he felt safe. I would get the dogs and make them lie on the couch with him and there presence always calmed him.

[Calmcollected]

He just sent me a text message saying we are done, move on with your life.

[Radcliff]

loismay, this sounds like a really rough time.  Receiving a text saying "we are done" is so upsetting.  Has he said similar things before?

You probably know that breakup threats are common for those of us who love a person with BPD.  I think they really to believe themselves, and each time we may feel that the threat is real, no matter how many times we've heard it before.

Did you respond to his text?  If so, what did you say?

WW

[Calmcollected]

He did this before the October before last, said he was done, move on. I asked if he was certain. At that time we were working together every day. I had a date lined up. He asked who I was talking to and I told him I did. Went on the date, obviously didn’t want to be there. It took a couple of days but he worked it into conversation “on that note, how did your date go” I told him that I sat there the whole time thininking about him and how I loved him and didn’t want to be with anyone else but him. After that he remained on POF for about 4 months with the excuse he was looking for his friend Brian’s cheating wife.
I asked if he was leaving me and he said “are you ___ing retarded, I would never be with a liar.”
I mentioned this after he had texted he was done, I sent this “I can’t and I never will. Last time you said this, I went on a date because you told me to, and the whole time I sat there thinking I don’t want to be with anyone but you. I have never felt this way about anyone before.”
His response was “oh well!”
I asked what I had lied about, he wouldn’t answer. I sent his itinerary for the week and information he would need to get a job. Told him I loved him and if he changed his mind, he knew where to find me.

[Calmcollected]

The other thing is I checked POF throughout the day. I had set up an account last time he did this and have it hidden. He went on there 4 times yesterday, but it’s a hidden account. He had mentioned that he was going to find someone nice.

[Calmcollected]

So I blew it. I really tried hard on the phone not to jade or validate. I was told I have no business talking to his kids, that I F ed him over with the lawyer, he kept purposely calling me By my given name instead of the name everyone calls me. at one point called me a ___. The internet was a really big thing, talked about finding a way to get it back so he could run his business. He doesn’t gave a computer or know how to run one. I offered to bring it back if his son was not allowed on it or if he got a job, I would transfer it in his name. He said his son told him he was looking for a job, he hadn’t applied for a social insurance number and hadn’t actually applied anywhere. It was basically a 17 minute phone call if how bad I am, I create all the drama. I’m a ___ and a liar. That I throw everything back in his face.
I lost it and sent him this “I can talk about things that involve me. If I’m called a ___ing ___ or screamed at on a job site repeatedly. I can talk about that, because it involves me and not you. When he drove the truck under my insurance, I’ll talk about that too because it involves me and not you. You’re staff talked about him too, and how difficult he was. G. was ready to leave if he stayed. Let them know they can’t talk about him either. If a kid steals a car in my name and under my insurance, (I didn’t) I can talk about that. If a kid assaults me, punched holes in the drywall by my head as I’m walking up stairs, I can talk about that. If I provide him with internet and he treats me and everyone around him like ___. I’m not continuing to do that. That’s my right. Just like it’s the right of the kids dad whose jaw he broke to talk about it.
Today a lady at first class gas recognized me and asked what happened to you from the group home, she actually talked about how wild your kids were and the cops were there often. Your neighbours talk about your kid and how lazy, disrespectful and violent he is. The drama surrounds you and continues even when I’m gone.
He’s lying about looking for a job. You can’t apply for a job without a SIN card. Yes employment helps you write a resume and applies for jobs for you. Everywhere is hiring. I asked him many times to come to town with me to get his SIN card and I will help him get a job. He sings you a song and you believe him. I’m there for you thick and thin and I take the internet because I’m being treated like crap, and you stepped in, so you thought so too. I hope you get him help.”
His response was “and again   still talking about my kid    bye  no more contact”
I responded one more time and I’m done. “I’m stilling willing to help with the lawyer, but you will need to meet me halfway. I don’t want you to lose everything.”

[Radcliff]

Loismay, it sounds like tensions are high, and there's a lot of arguing going on.  You mentioned that you tried not to JADE, and it didn't work out.  No worries, nail it next time.  If you can master avoiding JADE, that's going to be a huge help in cooling things down.

Can you clarify -- you and your boyfriend have separate residences?  So you can have more or less contact, depending on how things are going, without someone having to find a different place to stay?

I'm a little fuzzy on the business and how you and he earn a living.  Is there one business that you both live off of?  Or is this a side business?  I'm trying to get a better idea of how often you need to work together in order for each of you to make a living.  Do either of you have other jobs?

WW

[Meili]

OK, now that you've told him all of those things, you don't have to tell him again. He now gets to choose what he wants to do and how he wants to handle things. I know that it might be scary to take that approach, but it can really be helpful in the long run.

I think that it is great that you want to help him with his legal stuff (and I'm sure that his attorney thinks so as well). I completely agree with your last statement about only being willing to help, not do it for him. We should never put forth more effort to help someone than they are willing to put forth themselves.

[Calmcollected]

I own my own business that has been around for 18 years, it’s small, but I’m the top of my field and it’s a living. His business is contracting and it’s all he has. He is incapable of running the admin at all. Without me it’s gone. I messaged him last night because I found emails from the client proving our case, so I broke the no contact and texted screenshots to him proving our case. I sent him this “There are 47 emails from Curtis. I’ll print them off tomorrow. If you bring the memory stick, I’ll transfer the pictures for the lawyer. That I can’t do tomorrow because the files are changed and have to be changed to jpeg format“
No response at all. At 1 pm I call him. He answered after the 2nd ring. I ask him if he wants me to and he says “I don’t care”  I told him that I did care. Then he said “I”m in town and I brought that memory stick” so he does care. I told him I had a delivery to do and I could meet him. He said his son and girlfriend were in the truck and he didn’t want any fighting, I told him there wouldn’t be. One thing I have a problem with is he is allowing his sons girlfriend who is 16 and in school to spend the night, all week. She’s missing school and her mother has stated she doesn’t want this.
I pull up, he isn’t in the truck but his son and girlfriend are. His son leans forward aggressively and looks at his girlfriend then at me a couple of times. I don’t let it phase me and I sit responding to emails. BPDex comes out, goes in truck and comes to my side and hands me the memory stick. His face is black and he’s angry. He hands it to me with arms crossed and i say a couple of words to him. He’s about to walk away and said I had to ask one more favor from him. He says what like it’s the end of the world and it kind of is. I found out some disturbing information last night that makes me wonder if it’s worth it. I ask him not to take the truck (it’s in my name) to his eldest sons house anymore. We know he’s being investigated because he had been followed after a visit there before. He’s moved to a different place that’s out of the way and he’s dealing in something that carries manslaughter charges. I told him why, he was upset and just walked away. I cannot have my name dragged into something like that.
I need to get everything signed over to him.
I checked and he went home and went on POF immediately. I still love him, his son learned nothing from the other night. All it did was make him angrier. He has the influence of a brother who is twice his age that he looks up to and will at some point soon go to jail for something really serious.
I know who he is talking to on POF because they immediately get all over his Facebook page. This one is quite old, not attractive and reminds of one he talked to before, but wouldn’t meet. I truly believe he’s talking to her to boost his ego, but at the same time she lives in his rural neighbourhood.

[Calmcollected]

He texted me instead of me him, about business, but it was something he could have done himself. He asked for the number of one of our subcontractors and replied to my messages about a client, yesterday I was just ignored.

[Radcliff]

Hi Loismay,

How has it been going for the past week?  Are you familiar with the concept of "boundaries?"  I have some thoughts on how it might apply in your situation, but wanted to check in with you on your thoughts and experience with boundaries first.

WW

[Meili]

yesterday I was just ignored.

What was the content of the communication that was ignored?

[Calmcollected]

So, we didn’t talk much through the week, he was angry by text when he did. Monday I get a messsge from a mutual friend saying “BPD has a new girlfriend?” Some women put she was in a relationship with him on Facebook, but when the friend went back to look, it had disappeared. I messaged him and told him she seemed nice and to let me go. He said he had gone on POF when I told him I was moving on if he stayed on POF. Then he said “it was an accident you idiot grow up... .get meds or whatever it takes but you have something wrong” so he put it back on me. I know he talked to some poor soul on POF and sweet talked her, she looks like she comes from low income, low self esteem and eats up everything he would say. Those are the type from before. I approached his ex girlfriend he lived with 5 years before and it’s been eye opening. We experienced many of the same things including the women. With her there was a woman that messaged him on valentine’s day and she saw the text. She contacted the woman and they never would meet, but he had promised her he was going to buy a farm, raise horses and she could quit her job at Walmart and he would take care of her. Even after being told that he lived with someone else, was on disability at the time, the woman wouldn’t believe it. His ex has really been therapeutic for me because even the phrases he uses when raging are the same. We look down on him, we control him, etc etc. The one change is he doesn’t drink anymore, maybe 4 times a year and his anger has subsided considerably. I contacted the woman to ask how long she had been in a relationship with him, she read it but didn’t respond. I sent another after and apologized for asking as he had said she put down they were in a relationship by accident. Then she blocked me. He got extremely angry that I contacted her. He ranted and railed. I used SET in every single one of my replies and reiterated that we needed to go for counselling if we were to continue. I got the silent treatment. We had quotes and emails awaiting response. Still nothing. I told him I wanted to hand over everything business wise because it wasn’t healthy for either of us to continue this way. Still nothing.
He went on POF and a couple of days ago put a meet me greeting. I sent a Hey there, he said hi there. I called him a man of few words and he said people say that about him. I responded once more, and nothing, even though he has been on there multiple times since. But still silence. I sent this, this morning.
“I still love you and I’m willing to fight for you. The reasons I love you are many. The way animals gravitate to you and trust you immediately. Kids run up and do the same. When you smile it lights up a room and when you throw your head back and have that deep belly laugh it is a wonderful sound that makes everyone around you laugh. How hard you work and care about the people you do work for.
I love your kindness to others, like (elderly lady with no family whose pipes froze and he fixed free of charge) and the older couple up the street, when you brought firewood to that family, and when you took (boy in low income housing) under your wing and bought him shoes. It shows great character. I love watching you eat ice cream, sounds silly, but a little boy comes out and I can see what you must have been like as a kid. When you fall asleep your face softens and all the lines of worry disappear. I would always try to keep everything quiet so you could. I love that you don’t make grand gestures, but would build me things to show me you loved me instead, like the Kitchen window sill for my plants) that meant more to me than diamonds. I love that you are sensitive, it’s hard to fix things when you are hurt, but I still love that. It shows that you’re not just a macho man.
I also love that you are a tough guy when it comes to fixing things and building. That you protected me when I ran that guy off the road. (This was a total accident, it was a snow storm, I’m not a terrible driver . The guy was abusive and screaming and I thought he was going to assault me. BPD said to stay in the truck and he would take care of it. Just by walking up to the guy, he diffused the situation) I feel safe when we’re together because I know you can fight anyone. I love the fact that even though you can, you didn’t go after that “bully” guy at (BPD’s son) work, even though he knew you could take him down. (The man was BPD’s age & they knew each other since highschool. He had been bullying his son and when his son said who his dad was, it subsided but not completely. BPD & I went to the bar where they worked to play pool. Alcohol was involved, but he kept it together. I could tell he wanted to go after the bulky, but I just touched his lower back and he said “I know, I know, (my son) has to work here” the bulky has backed off ever since.)
I love when you ask me what I think we should do, or “do you think it’s okay if we do this?” It shows we’re a team.
I love how you put your heart and soul into fixing up the house for us. It’s beautiful and I feel like home there because we did it together. When we are together, we can do anything because we compliment each other. I’m not good at building, but the paperwork I am. I’m a good cook, and I love feeding you because you appreciate it.
I want to work this out because of all these things. I hope you feel that I’m a good person too, even though you are hurt and upset with me. Deep down in your heart you know I have been around through everything and didn’t get scared off. I’ve been in your life longer than anyone else in a very long time. There’s a reason for that. It’s because I love you, and even though you would push me away and then pull me back, you know that you love me too.”
After a day of no contact he messaged me about something happening in his neighbourhood. At least he reached out. We will see what happens now.

[Meili]

What happens when you have non-romantic communication?

[Calmcollected]

I tried business, but that was ignored. I sent another message saying I was getting worried about him. Then I get a message saying there were 3 police in the park and an ambulance went up the street to the old guys house he takes care of that has cancer. He’s been in and out of hospital. I asked if BPD if he was ok, and he sent a thumbs up. Another text to say the plow was broken I asked what was wrong and he said a busted weld. I asked how to fix it. No answer. The next text was him Saying “invoice $&# for the snowplowing, if you want” I told him I loved him. Some other texts with business questions. No answer and wouldn’t answer a phone call, so I didn’t do it. I feel used. While this is happening the woman who put down she was in a relationship with him messages me.
“Hes all yours we differ on what dating is ” she had starting talking to him on Tuesday. Yesterday she puts she’s in a relationship with him. He told her the same thing. Buy a farm etc. Told her about what a problem his two sons are and told her I was his book keeper, but not much longer. Told her to block me because I would keep messagng her. I haven’t heard anything since and I called. I’m leaving it now. I’m not doing the invoice unless he contacts me. I feel like I’m good enough to do that, then I’m good enough to talk to. I think the woman must have started an argument with him and he shut her down. He did that a year and a half ago with the woman who started stalking me.

[Meili]

Is there a pattern that you can see for his responses based on the various types of communication that you send? Like, does he respond differently to romantic stuff, work stuff, or just friendly stuff?

[Calmcollected]

It’s random. I can guess by some of the responses he’s raging, so I stop. I tried to use SET today, but he felt I was turning things around on him. It gets lost in translation when it’s all by text. It ended today with calling me f$&#%}, call (name) and don’t ever message me again. I had asked him for help with my moms friend who was installing a tub surround for her and was having trouble. He didn’t respond after he had throughout the day. The person I had her call was another contractor and friend of his who he is currently painting black, for the reason he showed him how to do something properly on a job when we asked him for help.
I responded to his message and said maybe we should transfer the business stuff over to you. He said fine, I said I had Monday avsilablevsnd he said he would contact me. I’m getting near the end now with my patience. He won’t be able to take it over, or he will cancel so he can keep me doing it for him. I also think he will cool down in a couple of days and think differently. We will have to wait and see.