He told me his wife has been talking to my wife

[Husband321]

Well a very odd twist occurred.

I spoke to my wife's ex husband.  He is remarried for a year.  New wife has 2 kids. And he has 2 kids.

He told me his wife has been talking to my wife. And that his wife is always angry at him recently.

Turns out my current wife, found a way to break them up, and they are moving in together.

[Skip]

Well a very odd twist occurred.

I spoke to my wife's ex husband.  He is remarried for a year.  New wife has 2 kids. And he has 2 kids.

He told me his wife has been talking to my wife. And that his wife is always angry at him recently.

Turns out my current wife, found a way to break them up, and they are moving in together.

Who is moving in together, your wife and her ex or her ex's wife?

Husband321, getting back to your situation (not the who is filing on who), can you sketch out you relationship history.

How long have you been dating. How many recycles (the reasons to split and then rejoin)?

Our relationships, all relationships, get caught up into routine conflict and it can really help to map it out.

[Husband321]

Who is moving in together, your wife and her ex or her ex's wife?

Husband321, getting back to your situation (not the who is filing on who), can you sketch out you relationship history.

How long have you been dating. How many recycles (the reasons to split and then rejoin)?

Our relationships, all relationships, get caught up into routine conflict and it can really help to map it out.

My wife and her exes wife. Supposedly. Who knows.  But she is doing her best to break up their marriage. As I said before , she is very charismatic, people believe her and feel sorry for her. His wife seems to be doing that.  And she has money to offer.

Long story short.  :)ated and lived together for a year. Married for a year.

Several recycles. During marriage,  atleast 3.

It seems each milestone we reached , she took two steps back.

A. Wanted to live together.  Then she disappeared wanted to keep her own house. Then she came back.

B. She then bought me an engagement ring. I bought her one a month later. Then she said she didn't want to be married.

C. Then she came back.  Wanted to marry and be happy forever.

D. 3 week after marrying disappeared.

E. Left again. Said she hates the state we live in. Then came back. Said she likes where we live.

F. Left again. Just didn't want to be married.  Too much bickering. That's where we are.

Each time it was her coming back, and doing some grand gesture. A tattoo. Money. Promises etc.

The difference this time is that on the other "breaks" we still talked and saw each other every day. This time she was with another man and I caught her.  

[FindingMe2011]

Turns out my current wife, found a way to break them up, and they are moving in together.

Hmmmm, current wife is still invested, in her previous r/s... .the dysfunctional game of triangulation, maybe?  I used to believe that my ex, would never exhibit, the same behaviour I watched her dish out to others... .I was wrong... .I wish u well, PEACE

[Husband321]

Well, my ex moving in with her ex husbands wife did not work out for whatever reason.

Wife reached out to me to tell me she will always love me forever and misses me.

She claims she never cheated and the guy she was with after me is a "weirdo", and she never wanted him to meet her kids.

She told me she has not moved anywhere and has just been on vacation for a month.

Next day she called to tell me she loves me again, but is stressed and unhappy and can't find a home. But also really likes the state she is moving to.

She asked if I got the divorce papers and I said no.  She did however give me the name of her attorney and I can pick them up at her office.

[Pretty Woman]

Sounds like she's "missing" what you can provide her with... .
a roof over her head.  

Stay strong, you know how this plays out as you are witnessing this situation with your ex's ex's wife.

My ex was friendly with her own ex's ex's but many of them had no idea she plotted to break them up on many an occasion and was even the "other woman" during some of their relationships with their mutual ex's.

I had the opportunity to be friends with my ex's ex's ex. Say that a few times, fast, right?

Anyways, it wasn't until I was dumped on my arse this woman really thought of the secretive things that were happening while she was dating their now mutual ex. All she was was another chess piece in a game, not a person, not a "real friend"... .
just supply for our BPD.

My ex went nuts when this woman unfriended her on FB. Ranted all over FB how terrible I was. I knocked the cards down. I cleared the chess board.

I eliminated her supply and I did this with several people she knew.

I am public enemy #1 and it's probably deserved.

If I could go back I wouldn't have done or said anything. I was insane, trauma bonded, a wreck from being in this toxic union.

But I forgive myself.

Just keep doing what you are doing and don't fall for the crocodile tears. It's a pattern and something they tend to do. Just keep remembering the BS she pulled and why you aren't together.

 We are wiser now.

PW
 

[Husband321]

Yes.   

I still think of her, but know I can't live with her or be married to her.

I believe in the case of my wife, once she gets what she wants, she doesn't want it.

Do BPD tend to think like this? Like seemingly the chase is only fun, when it pertains to relationships, animals, moving etc.

So I could picture her trying to find a place, furnishing, utilities, then once it is accomplished she will run away or want to.

[Pretty Woman]

It's a very complex disorder. Push/Pull, Love you, hate you, I need you, go away. It drives non's insane. Everything is very contradictory.

They also tend to bore easily.

The hardest thing to do is not take it all personally. THIS is not you, it's a pattern and if you read all the stories on here you will read situations very similar to your own, hence why I say try to depersonalize it. It's often symptomatic of the disorder. You didn't cause this and it's very likely even if you changed your approach it still would have ended the same way.

[Husband321]

It's a very complex disorder. Push/Pull, Love you, hate you, I need you, go away. It drives non's insane. Everything is very contradictory.

They also tend to bore easily.

The hardest thing to do is not take it all personally. THIS is not you, it's a pattern and if you read all the stories on here you will read situations very similar to your own, hence why I say try to depersonalize it. It's often symptomatic of the disorder. You didn't cause this and it's very likely even if you changed your approach it still would have ended the same way.

Yes. Even now one day she calls and tells me "I didn't move anywhere I am just on vacation"

Next day she calls to tell me "I am so damn stressed. I need to find a place to live out here" but sort of mad at me. Then texting an hour later she will love me forever.

At this point, I have been seeing a therapist for about 5 visits. Which helped tremendously.

At this point I am proud of myself to not be obsessed, and to calmly be able to put this relationship to rest.

Absolute no contact wasn't for me. Low contact seemed to make things easier

[Husband321]

Now she is emailing me about her dreams.

She is having amazing vivid dreams where we are happy, in love on a farm, etc.

What is the point to that? Just to stay relevant?

[Pretty Woman]

It's a hook to get you feeling all nostalgic, to see how far she can get back into your heart again.

Take it at face value, for what it is. Something in her life has gone to shyt and she needs someone to "save her". IMO... .save yourself.  Keep personal boundaries. Don't try to rationalize this with her or you will be back to square one.