Feeling quite bitter today

[JNChell]

I’m in a pretty sour mood. Putting it bluntly, I’m p****d off. It started yesterday evening. My intake and first T appointment was supposed to be tomorrow. Low and behold, even after I upgraded my insurance plan to the top one offered by my employer, I still have to cover my deductible before co-pays kick in. I can’t afford it at the moment. I actually broke down in tears on the phone with the T’s office. I need to get into therapy... .like yesterday. After that I just became angry. Especially at my ex. I know it’s irrational. I know she’s not the core reason why I need and want therapy. I’m just so angry about the abuse. The lies, gaslighting, raging, silent treatments, leveraging our Son against me, etc. I’m angry at her. Right now, I don’t care about her condition. Right now I have no remorse or sympathy for her. She knew everything about my past. All of the dark stuff and still made a choice to continually use it to hurt me. She broke me more than once. Yes, I allowed it by staying, but frankly I don’t care about that at the moment. This morning I gathered myself and called the T back. I moved my intake out 3 weeks in order to try to figure out a budget and make it work until my deductible is met. I’ll figure something out. I know it makes no sense to be angry at her because my insurance sucks. It’s illogical. I’m just so angry at her right now.

[Meili]

I hear ya. I had moments like that as well. For me, it turned out that it had next to nothing to do with my x. She just became the target because I was not yet ready to face the things that were truly causing my anger. You aren't the only one who experiences these irrational moments.

Hang in there. This too shall pass.

[Mutt]

Hi JNChell,

I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I understand the frustration with not getting the help that you need when you really need it. I know that you upgraded your insurance through work. I’m not sure where you live, I’d there family counselling through church, I found a free group for people with depression I also a Psychology firm that had a sliding scale.

I recall feeling angry at my ex for the hardships that she me put through, anger has a purpose it helps with detaching from unhealthy r/s’s it’s getting stuck that’s bad. In the end we always find a way to manage. I’m glad that you decided to use the boards the express the frustration. Hang in there.