When a male feels he has been abused by his (BPD trait-bearing) ex...

[crocodile_fundy]

Hi all,

I ended a two and a half year relationship with a woman who exhibits many symptoms of BPD, 10 months ago. I ended it by moving out of the house which I owned before we got together, and which she moved into, about 6 months after we started seeing each other.

The last year and a bit, she was threatening to have me fired by telling the board of directors that I am verbally abusive, alternating with a few instances of threatening self-harm. I still worry I will get called in to management's office, and even fired over her possible allegations.

I also worry for her safety from self-harm. And I worry about her 13-year-old son, who has been "unschooled" for the past 6 years or so, spending his days with his mother, both glued to their computer monitors. My attempts to find friends and programs for her son were always refused, ultimately ("not vegan", "they play GTA video game", "they will show my son porn", etc).

I feel like I have PTSD. It took all my energy to pack her stuff up and hire a moving company to move it to her friend's place (what she wanted). It had sat here for 9 months (I hurt my shoulder so couldn't do it earlier).

What is the prognosis, if she really has BPD? What are the rates of "improvement"? (by this, I mean more happiness, less anxiety, and less perilous relationship situations, and the ability to work, and function more in society)

Thanks, all!

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome Crocodile_fundy, 

Thank you for sharing your story with us. You sound tired and have certainly gone through a lot it seems in a short time. It is hard to see a relationship end-hard on the heart and our emotions.

Here is a link that might be helpful to you in answering some of the questions you asked. There is a lot of information to read and absorb.

The Big Picture

You mentioned your ex, but tell me about you? How are you doing? I think the feeling of PTSD is normal after the intensity of having a relationship with a pwBPD. My mom was uBPD, and I know from my own experience that I react quite quickly, even as an adult, because my guard was up so high to protect me from further danger. How does it feel to you?

 
Wools

[Turkish]

What do you mean by the kids' unschooled, as in permanently truant? Is this legally allowable where you are?

[Mutt]

Hi crocodile_fundy,

What is the prognosis, if she really has BPD? What are the rates of "improvement"? (by this, I mean more happiness, less anxiety, and less perilous relationship situations, and the ability to work, and function more in society)

You’re separated for 10 months, you’re walking on eggshells at work and in your personal life.

Can you explain what you mean? Do you mean that you want to recycle the r/s if she gets better or do you mean the crazy making behaviour will stop if she improves?