A little collective reasoning (if possible...)

[Chynna]

Hi everyone.  I'm on the 'detaching' board for now... .just wondering what all of you think: I requested my house key be sent back to on 2 separate occasions. (Maybe I should have sent a self-addressed stamped envelope :0)... .knowing what we all know but not knowing about my r/s, can anyone give me an educated guess as to why it hasn't gotten here yet (4 months)? Really... .I'm not worried about a break in... .

[Insom]

Hi, Chynna!

can anyone give me an educated guess as to why it hasn't gotten here yet

It's hard to say without knowing more.  If you were to guess, what would you say?

[SlyQQ]

Well i'm a little suprised if it went any other way,

regardless of the circumstances, they have difficulty letting something go

especially a potential connection for later use,

[Mutt]

I agree with  SkyQQ it’s something that is an attachment to you. It could be that there’s nothing else that remains that she can try to get touch with you for?

[Chynna]

Insom,:0) Hi, either he's symbolically thrown it out in the garbage, or he's punishing me for who knows what, or it's a leverage thingy.Altho' I'm not waiting on tenterhooks for this key to appear, it would signify some sort of closure that I would have to accept.
SlyQQ:0)... .yeah your guess is as good as mine ... .I dunno... .wow! Thank you all for your help! Quite a conundrum,huh?

[Chynna]

Wouldn't it be just awesome if those we love with this issue accept a gentle coaxing into therapy so we could all get on with a wonderful and peaceful life? I say this with absolutely no disrespect... .

[SlyQQ]

And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along
And so you're back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you here

With that sad look upon you're face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made leave your key
If I'd known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me.
Go on now go
Walk out the door
Just turn around now

Cause you're not welcome anymore

Read more: Aretha Franklin - I Will Survive Lyrics | MetroLyrics

[Chynna]

SlyQQ... .that's awesome. Ya know, just recently I've had her version of 'I Say a Little Prayer for You' on replay over and over and over... .

[Chynna]

 Thank you all for engaging me at this time... .it was difficult to begin but it helps. :0)

[Harley Quinn]

Chynna,

Would you consider changing the lock?  Sometimes after a breakup a sufferer can lash out by doing things that aren't very pleasant, as an expression of their pain.  I don't wish to scare you but for myself having a key on the loose would bother me.  It could be in someone else's hands or I could come home to find property missing or destroyed in a bid to show me the pain my ex has been feeling.  I'd much rather ensure that nothing could possibly happen in the future that I'm unable to predict.  Better safe than sorry.  A pwBPD lacks impulse control. 

Aside from any security issues, changing the lock would be as good as getting the key back when it comes to putting things behind you.  What do you think?

Love and light x

[Chynna]

Hi Harley! You know, if you are a Mom or in any other caregiving mode, that "readiness" is important to move along in life... .just maybe I'm not ready to close that door at this time. We've essentially been N/C since a major trigger in his life occured ( with the exception of a few good will texts from me which he may or may not have received or chose to delete). He is an all or nothing type of guy. After the trigger, I was blamed along with being painted black. And then he invited a past love back into his life. Ouch that hurt! And I went N/C ... .So my gut tells me not to worry... .I hope all is well for you. I hope all of us are doing something selfish for ourselves today. I am waiting for the weather to clear a little so my beautiful Wonderdog ( who I hope with all of my heart that I haven't put too much on in these dark days of winter)  & I can go out to break in my brand new waterproof hiking boots. :0)

[enlighten me]

Another thing to consider is that you no longer matter so why should they bother doing something for you. Not in a malicious way just in the way you don't appear on their radar anymore.

[Chynna]

I agree. Absolutely, Enlighteme. :0)

[Chynna]

My gut tells me that I still matter a little... .Enlighten me. I hope you are well and reasonably happy. :0)

[enlighten me]

Hi Chynna

One thing Ive come to realise is that some PWBPD have different phases. With my exgf when she is in idolisation mode then I don't appear on her radar. When it starts going sour I'm an easy target for her sniping. When she cant find anyone I seem to be one of the people she what ifs about. I have a son with her so I still see her a lot and over the past 3 1/2 years Ive seen this play out a number of times without getting drawn back in. Depending on where theyre at emotionally depends on how much you matter to them from zero to hero.

I'm well and for the first time in years truly happy. Thanks for asking.

[Chynna]

:0) Hi Enlighten me... .So happy that you have gotten yourself to your level of happiness. It's something I strive for and so is bound to happen. You & your g/f share a child and it seems to me you are a stand up kind of guy and you both will share in your committment to raise him. You will be in each others' lives for a time to come.  I have nothing that holds me to him (well,aside from a little house key, that is :0). There seems to be gender differences from what I read here. My friend & I have never lived together. I was spared probably a lot more BPD stuff because of this. I know he surely was one to stretch the truth a bit. I'm not sure what the future holds for us but whatever... .I still have me ( & my wonderdog :0). Peace & happiness to you.