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Poll
Question: Professionally diagnosed means her doctor told her. My ex was:
Professionally diagnosed AND had job, money, cutting, or addiction problems
Professionally diagnosed, no job, money, cutting, or addiction problems
Not diagnosed AND had job, money, cutting, or addiction problems
Not diagnosed, no job, money, cutting, or addiction problems
Other (please explain)

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Author Topic: SURVEY | Was your ex diagnosed with BPD or not diagnosed.  (Read 1161 times)
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« on: February 13, 2018, 03:30:21 PM »


Was your ex professionally diagnosed with BPD or not diagnosed?
Did they have job, money, cutting, OR addiction problems  or not
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« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2018, 09:35:35 PM »

Excerpt
Other (please explain)

My uBPDw has NOT been professionally diagnosed, but can hold down a decent job, has never cut herself, does not have major money or addiction issues, and appears relatively normal to the outside world.

She is a high-functioning BPD person of the quite-type.  Only those in an intimate relationship with her ever see it (the Ice Queen Routine).  Others see her as joyful, gregarious, and the life of the party.
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« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2018, 09:54:47 PM »

Excerpt
       Other (please explain)     

Not diagnosed.
Has a good job, never cut.
Wasted money at times, always complaining she was well overdrawn, always had to buy 4 or 5 presents for someones birthday whereas one would have done.
Had to drink every night until she fell asleep.
To my friends she appeared full of fun and life of the party at first but then I couldn't get her off the sofa or out of the house, which I supposed was better than watching her get s**t faced in public.
Family members saw a bit of a bad side to her but only about 1% of what I did.

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« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2018, 10:39:39 PM »

Was mis-diagnosed, or so i was told by my ex, with Bi-Polar, she was really proud when she told me
the pshyc said it was an axis 1 but boy, did she know, ( she could have lied about the diagnosis to me or straight out lied to the psych to mislead him or the psych was a bozo, or deliberately mis diagnosed her all about equally proabable)

My Sd remains undiagnosed which for various reasons is a good thing,
the closest they've come is manic with abandonment issues one time she was in hospital.
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« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2018, 03:29:33 PM »

my ex was not diagnosed with BPD, she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. to my knowledge, she has never self harmed. she does not have major money or addiction issues. she does seem to struggle somewhat with keeping a job.

i would say she appears perfectly normal to the outside world, and is well liked. she does struggle in her closer friendships, and soon enough people tend to get an impression that something is off.
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« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2018, 03:59:00 PM »

My ex (male) was not diagnosed (so he may not be a pwBPD, maybe he was bipolar, dunno).  He had a history of cocaine and prescription pill addiction and when we dated drank heavily.  To my knowledge he has been pulled over for drinking 5 times but has never received a DUI.  He overdosed once on vicodin and apparently had a run-in with alcohol poisoning a week or so after we broke up.  He claims he was suicidal after his parents passed away and he was suicidal while we dated.

His job history was sporadic - for a while he owned his own business, then that went under and he did contract work, then bought another business but sold it shortly after because it was too stressful.  While we dated he worked a managerial job but hated it because it was too stressful and wanted to go back to owning his own business.

People adored him.  To their back he would tell me how incompetent or idiotic they were, but to their face he was adorable and charming.  He was a musician and loved to make people laugh.  But we would often go from public situations where he'd be entertaining a whole crowd to back to his house, where he'd start crying or talking about how horrible everything was.  His whole situation often made me think of the Robin William's quote:

Excerpt
“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.”
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« Reply #6 on: February 16, 2018, 06:39:59 AM »

My stbx was diagnosed.  He held down a job for about half of our marriage, but when the recession hit and he had the option to not work (I was making enough money) he decided to home school our older son.  I don't know if he saw that as his job (he said he did) but if it had been a real job he would have been fired repeatedly.

No cutting or self harm issues, but had some addictions that were detrimental to himself and the family (not drugs or alcohol).  He definitely would have had financial issues if I hadn't kept bailing us out of the debt he kept putting us in.
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« Reply #7 on: February 16, 2018, 08:02:54 AM »

My ex was undiagnosed. She is a cutter. She has held the same job for quite some time, school bus driver, but it is not enough to support her and the kids. She’s worked multiple part time jobs in between her bus routes and on summer break. She’s on govt. assistance as well, but is fully capable of working full time. She did go back to school towards the end of our relationship, but quit after the breakup. She said it was because she couldn’t handle parenting and school at the same time, and blamed me for not being there to help. It was her choice to end things when I tried everything to keep the family together. She could’ve just lightened her course load and continued. As far as money goes, she’s good with bills, but won’t save. She gets very large tax returns due to the kids and blows through it within a couple of months.
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« Reply #8 on: February 16, 2018, 08:13:22 AM »

STBxw - Cut from 14yr-25yr, problem regular drinker 14yr-present, pot-head till 19-20, affairs and inappropriate relationships, raged including violence from 14-25 then turned very passive aggressive after finding Jesus, post 25 no public rage and learnt to keep a lid on the public face. Outside world knows her as very kind, fun loving and caring person... .when the doors close... .it's all my fault and everyone else is against her. Is very competent in rules or process orientated work, extremely thorough and diligent through not wanting to fail. Several career direction changes and some chopping and changing, but held jobs for years. Thinks she can feel how much money she has rather than using the bank balance method... .often wrong and cannot budget for toffee. INCAPABLE of delayed gratification, has never saved up for anything in her life... .ever.

Incidentally MIL is also perceived as angel to the outside world, and a witch when the door closes. 
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« Reply #9 on: February 16, 2018, 08:44:50 AM »

She told me she was diagnosed as bi-polar but her actions revealed deeper issues not in line with the typical bi-polar diagnosis.

I am not a doctor so I am in no position to diagnose her. All I know is I witnessed erratic, impulsive behavior, gambling, money, work issues and many things that lead me to believe she is BPD. In the end it really doesn't matter... .she was toxic and not healthy for me.
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« Reply #10 on: February 16, 2018, 10:21:44 AM »

I do not know whether or not mine was diagnosed because she wouldn't talk about it. She never gave me the details, but told me she used to post on a mental health forum. She was averse to talking about her "problems" so I never wanted to rock the boat, always tiptoeing around that stuff. We never could have any honest communication about any difficult subjects.

She didn't have any financial problems or addictions though there was some self harm, mostly causing sores from picking at her skin, etc. 
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« Reply #11 on: February 16, 2018, 10:47:42 AM »

Other: Xw and I were court ordered to do a parental assessment by a forensic psychologist. We both did very extensive testing, the tests are fool proof and deep, I was officially diagnosed as co dependant and Xw was not officially diagnosed for a personality disorder but in the final report it was very strongly worded that Xw has a personality disorder and it was also stated they she would bring her disorder into any of her personal relationships. Xw is pretty much the closest thing to being diagnosed with officially being diagnosed.
  Xw is very clever, very devious, calculating, has a good job for 20 years, nice home, great with money, doesn't cut her self, no addictions of any kind. She is a cold vicious emotional abuser. Xw brings whole new meaning to wolf in sheeps clothing.
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« Reply #12 on: February 16, 2018, 11:02:53 AM »



If your really think your ex is BPD, but they did not have a clinician tell them specifically that they had BPD, please mark "not diagnosed"  (not "other"

Thanks!
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« Reply #13 on: February 16, 2018, 11:30:23 AM »

I believe mine was diagnosed but hid it from me. That seemed to qualify as "other," because "not diagnosed" does not seem to fit. She alluded to things but would never get to the details.
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« Reply #14 on: February 16, 2018, 11:54:28 AM »

When we met, not diagnosed AND had a job; a great career, money(savings), owned own home, nice automobile, self sufficient, just divorced two years before, had four semi serious sexual relationships (dash three engaged to) in less then two years of meeting me (mr. baby duck clueless).

Now, eleven years later:
*resigned, no ran off from job, almost fired
*Sold home (was a rental) lives with me as we are married of course
*She sold her car, I bought her a new one
*Completely dependent on me now
*Still has savings separate account
*No diagnoses, says I am the crazy one

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« Reply #15 on: February 16, 2018, 02:44:25 PM »

Mine was told by a doctor that they had "emotional instability on a personality level"; that seemed to be a more palatable way of saying BPD. I'm not sure where to put that in the poll, though.
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« Reply #16 on: February 16, 2018, 04:18:30 PM »

My STBX was diagnosed by various clinicians as 1) Personality Disorder NOS; 2) BPD; 3) Schizoaffective Disorder.
After having spent 11 years with him, I think the Personality Disorder NOS is most appropriate because he has the emotional lability and black and white thinking of BPD (and quite a few other traits); he also has several traits of NPD and what they used to call sociopathic and is now referred to as Anti Social.
He got the label of Schizoaffective in 2010; it is a diagnosis that is now tainted for me because of the lack of respect I have for the P who came up with it. (She has apparently slept with STBX; as a result, my opinion of her is in the toilet.)
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« Reply #17 on: February 16, 2018, 05:21:43 PM »

BPDh not diagnosed.

Unfaithful early on in marriage
Marijuana habit for most of married life
Uncontrolled anger, name calling, verbally abusive
Selfish within close relations, unable to put their needs above his
Well liked by many unless they see his crazy side
Has been fired, threatens to quit jobs
Only sees things as black or white
Either loves and adores me or hates and despises me and wants a divorce
Holds grudges and will not get over them unless the perpetrator humbly apologizes first (he rarely apologizes)
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« Reply #18 on: February 19, 2018, 10:21:32 AM »

My SO's ex was officially diagnosed as BiPolar that he knows of for sure.  But we also suspect she was at some point diagnosed BPD, because when directly confronted there was no surprise and no denial.

She has issues with over spending, and was taking many prescription drugs from various doctors.  She is a college graduate who stopped working with the birth of their second child to be a stay at home mom that morphed into hypochondria and victimdom. She has not had a real job since 2000.
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« Reply #19 on: February 19, 2018, 01:01:37 PM »

My stbxW was professionally diagnosed with BPD twice, including one diagnosis by the Mayo Clinic before she met me, which she ignored. She also had more socially acceptable diagnoses of depression and anxiety.

No addiction problems.
No cutting, though she claimed she was cutting in college, but we learned not to trust anything that wasn't independently confirmed. (She also claimed at one point to be cutting with me, but that was a lie.)
She didn't get into huge problems with money, but she was disorganized and often missed bill payments.
She had job problems -- though intelligent and skilled and capable of getting a high-paying supervisory job, she instigated lots of interpersonal conflict at work, which led to her being fired or demoted on multiple occasions. She has a high ratio of interviews to successful offers, which suggests she appears "off" in interviews.
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