Non's BILL OF RIGHTS

[Jeffree]

I'd like to start a reminder thread here as to what we as human beings are entitled to in all our relationships. I refer to these as a working list of rights... .

1) We deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.
2) We deserve honesty and integrity.
3) We deserve the right to seek happiness and joy.
4) We deserve to make reasonable human mistakes and not have them held against us for the rest of our lives or used against us like weapons.
5) We do not have to be perfect.
6) We reserve the right to say no.
7) We deserve to laugh.
8) We deserve the right to have good relationships with family and friends.
9) We deserve to have pets and enjoy their companionship.
10) We can self improve as we see fit.

Anyone else?

J

[Skip]

Great topic.

Are these rights someone needs to grant us?  Or, are these personal values that we need to live and uphold?

The Three Pillars

This life skill has three pillars: defining personal values to ourselves, communicating and asserting what is in-bounds and out-of-bounds to others, and being committed to make hard choices, when necessary, to honor and defend.

    Defining values: Healthy relationships are sometimes characterized as an “inter-dependent” relationship of two “independent” people. Healthy individuals have values that they honor and defend regardless of the nature of the relationship. These are core or independent values. Healthy individuals also have values that they are prepared to negotiate and adapt to in an effort to bond and collaborate with others. These are known as inter-dependent values.

   Asserting boundaries: Using verbal and nonverbal communications to assert intentions, needs and define what is in-bounds and out-of-bounds. Laying out reasonable, safe and acceptable ways for other people to interact and relate to us.

    Honoring and defending: Living a life that honors our values and knows how to take constructive actions necessary to avoid being compromised.
https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries

[Jeffree]

Immutable personal values, sir.

It's to remind us we are people too and deserve to enjoy our lives whether or not the BPD(s) in our life want to come along for the ride.

J

[Lucky Jim]

We have the right to make choices that correspond with our core values.

We have the right to live an authentic life that reflects who we are deep down.

We have the right to be ourselves.

We have the right to live free from physical, verbal or emotional abuse.

Great topic!  Thanks, Jeffree.

LJ

[Seenowayout]

We have the right to express ourselves and not be beaten with our own misinterpreted words, just as we have absorbed your outbursts with empathy, patience and forgiveness.

We have the right to have the secrets we shared with you kept between us, just as we will forever keep all your sad secrets to ourselves.

We have the right to love you unconditionally, even if you cannot love yourself or us unconditionally.

We have the right to love ourselves once you are gone, and no longer be made to feel guilty,  or made to feel responsible for your repeating, predictable, sad, self harming ways.

[heartandwhole]

I remember many years ago, I went to couple's counseling briefly with a partner. The therapist recommended anger management for my partner and that I go to a coda meeting. 

When I read the long list of personal rights, I was floored. I couldn't believe that I had a right, for example, to change my mind, or expect anything from others.

Thanks for refreshing my memory, Jeffree, of how far I've come and how I still have a ways to go.

heartandwhole

[Lucky Jim]

We have the right to love ourselves once you are gone, and no longer be made to feel guilty,  or made to feel responsible for your repeating, predictable, sad, self harming ways.

Seenowayout:  Really great!  Thanks for putting that so well.  LJ