Did your person ever say strange things acknowledging their issues?

[tlc232]

Wow... .   I remember sitting one evening working on the laptop and he was (as usual) flipping through his iPAD.   He looked over at me and said "I think I may be tri polar" and was reading through some things.   This was NOT in the middle of what I would call an "event" (and there were many) so it caught me off guard.   I didn't think a lot of it until the events got worse and worse and read up on that self diagnosis.   It had a lot of similarities to BPD (not sure how BPD and tri polar fits).   Now it seem eerie that he came up with that because he (to this day) thinks he has no issues whatsoever and it is all my manifestation. 

Another weird thing throughout the relationship is that he would say his friends (that have known him for a long time) would say to him ... ."does she really know all about you?" and I thought it was his way of saying he was a little out there, but maybe they meant that he had some significant issues... .and he still does.

[lighthouse9]

"My head is wrong"

"I'm fine when there's no one else around. I can't hear their thoughts and feel like I need to be something."

Asked her one night if she was doing something because she wanted to or because she thought I wanted her to; her response:

"What's the difference, in my head it's all the same."

Lots of "I'm empty inside."

And, a particularly sad moment when she admitted to noticing a pattern of dating strong, independent people, who then became needy and insecure after not too long with her. "I did that to them. I did this to you."

Also, a ton of admission about splitting people. Before deciding to file for divorce, she said "It's important to me to rescue your reputation from people, since I made them believe bad stuff."

[Learning2Thrive]

Yep. Former uBPD relationship partner would often sit and in what I now believe were her lucid moments, she would somberly and softly cry that she was such an a$$h*le and that she did not deserve to have me in her life.

Of course I always assured her she was wonderful and worthy of my love. Lesson learned. When person with BPD tells you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.

I now believe this was the single, genuine truth she spoke to me in our 3 year relationship.

[crushedagain]

"Also, a ton of admission about splitting people. Before deciding to file for divorce, she said "It's important to me to rescue your reputation from people, since I made them believe bad stuff.""

This reminds me of a moment shortly after my BPDexgf and I reconciled for the first and only time after she walked out. She said "I didn't trash you out to all my friends."

She also said one time "I don't want you to see my vindictive side."

She also screamed "I hate myself!" on a number of occasions along with some other sad stuff.

[Learning2Thrive]

Oh yes, and as you begin to heal and process, don’t be shocked if a memory comes to you remembering some odd or mean thing your person said about their former lover. Then it may hit you... .they are most likely doing/saying something very similar about you to their new lover. Sigh... .

And memories turn to epiphanies of Wow... .that’s what they REALLY meant when they said “x,y,z”!

Buckle up, the post-op review ride down memory lane has some white knuckle moments.

[tiki]

This is so fascinating. It’s like you feel so starved for validation but if you think back there it is.

[JustNeedToTalk]

This is so fascinating. It’s like you feel so starved for validation but if you think back there it is.

I couldn’t agree more Tiki. We have all heard the same things .

[CMJ]

"I don't deserve you"
"I'm broken"
"You're my only friend, I don't need any others"
"I hate how much this affects my life and the lives of others"
"I know I'll end up alone if I carry on acting this way"
"I'm a horrible person in a horrible place. You didn't deserve that"

I'm sure I could think of more if I really tried.

[TRB]

I've heard a few and am not sure why she says them sometimes.  I think they usually happen in the middle of a discussion, only when she has initiated the conversation about some personal topic, and I have been receptive, so maybe there is a point when she feels comfortable and not threatened enough to say something like:

"I know that I blame you for things you have not done."

"I know I can be paranoid" -- in connection with accusing me of infidelity.

"I know my fear of abandonment may become a self-fulfilling prophecy."

Unfortunately, no matter how delicately I have tried to follow up on these with her, I have never been successful.  It feels like she has small windows of insight, which disappear and don't return, or at least she doesn't express them to me again.

[tlc232]

TRB --- 
"I know my fear of abandonment may become a self-fulfilling prophecy."

I'll say... .my UnBPDSO wouldn't admit it, but the actions that would push anyone away were memorable.    There were times I ranged from "what is wrong with you" to "are you trying to get rid of me".

I heard all of the similarities in third person as he would talk about how his mother treated his dad (horribly)... .and I couldn't help but see the similarities with his mom.   Not a compliment at all.

[hopeinaskirt]

Absolutely!

"I do unforgivable things."
"I will break your heart."
"I know I'm manipulative."
"I'm toxic."
"I will hurt you."
"I'm abusive."

Etc etc. I dismissed it as his self-hatred warping his views of himself; I still think that's the case (he is overstating it all) but I'm still never going to go back. I don't blame him for this though. Mostly I am just so, so sad for him.