What would you say to your replacement?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I will be here for you if you need me to be. Here’s my number for later use.

[tiki]

I will be here for you if you need me to be. Here’s my number for later use.

[zeus123]

You say nothing, would you have listened to anyone’s advice during the idealization phase? Of course not. He will find out shortly about what she is. This discarded dolls of yours will not miraculously become normal, her disruptive behaviour stems from deeply entrenched survival mechanisms/reflex, without highly therapeutical interventions she just can’t help herself...

[tiki]

You say nothing, would you have listened to anyone’s advice during the idealization phase? Of course not. He will find out shortly about what she is. This discarded dolls of yours will not miraculously become normal, her disruptive behaviour stems from deeply entrenched survival mechanisms/reflex, without highly therapeutical interventions she just can’t help herself...

No. If I went back in time to tell myself I would not even believe my own self.

This is just a fantasy. I actually do have like some kind of fantasy she reaches out to me (after everything is over) and I can help her and walk her through all of this in a way that I needed and wished I had and help her heal and thus also heal my present self. It’s just a fantasy but at least not a horrible one.

[Enabler]

In Oct16 I said to my wife I would “destroy” her other man... .by Nov16 I’d concluded he’d destroy himself so chuckled (in a very evil way). So far he’s left his wife and 2 amazing kids, he’s moved into a flat and will likely get run over on the divorce settlement (his current wife is pretty Queen BPD whereas my W is more Waif!).

I will say nothing to the colossal pr!ck as he engineered the whole thing with as many lies as my W was telling him and me.

[clvrnn]

Have her. Keep her away from me. Please.

[I Am Redeemed]

BEWARE! BEWARE, THE END IS NEAR! (maniacal laughter... .)

[MeandThee29]

Nothing. If it takes the focus off me, it's good.

[tlc232]

Hi, Tiki!   I don't really care if there is a replacement, to be honest.  I'm spending my efforts on me for a change.  After way too many years of trying to make sure he was happy and functional over my own needs, I'm trying to ignore and focus on me.

I see a pattern again though --- do they all typically walk out only when there is a replacement lined up?   How many just leave and don't have a replacement lined up?   It seems to be uncommon... .they walk out and manage on their own.   

[MeandThee29]

Mine walked out and moved to an area where he knows no one, but he also has PTSD and is very much a loner at heart. He doesn't like having people close.

My therapist predicts he'll find someone this year though. He's very charming and outgoing, so he shouldn't have a problem if he decides to do that.

[spero]

Well, i've mostly posted long technical comments... .
And i think i'd like to just make this a little lighter for once, so don't take my comments seriously.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rzgrP7VA_Q

I'd tell him/her, you can start singing this song to him/her. "Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me ... .no more"

Or... .

Here's my number? call me maybe?

Spero.

[Stolen]

"What would you say to your replacement?"


Congratulations!

And then I would return to real life.

[Kaboodle]

Hear me now, believe me later: you are worth more, you deserve better.

[tiki]

Hi, Tiki!   I don't really care if there is a replacement, to be honest.  I'm spending my efforts on me for a change.  After way too many years of trying to make sure he was happy and functional over my own needs, I'm trying to ignore and focus on me.

I see a pattern again though --- do they all typically walk out only when there is a replacement lined up?   How many just leave and don't have a replacement lined up?   It seems to be uncommon... .they walk out and manage on their own.   

Good for you. Do you find it hard to refocus on your needs? I went no contact previously and it felt like it took a good couple months before I could shift focus and think about myself.

I think it’s typical to have a replacement though I suppose sometimes they are forced to manage on their own. I don’t know.

[Aiko]

Nothing. Their business and they can learn as they go.

[PaticAttack]

I dont want to talk to my replacement, I do blame her a bit for starting the r/s with my BPDgf at the time.  You steal someones partner, you deserve some karma... I have wanted to talk with her ex's tho.  Just to get some understanding and hear their points of view.  Also to make sure that she was indeed broken up with the one before me.  What I have gathered is that they were.

[tlc232]

Good for you. Do you find it hard to refocus on your needs? I went no contact previously and it felt like it took a good couple months before I could shift focus and think about myself.

I think it’s typical to have a replacement though I suppose sometimes they are forced to manage on their own. I don’t know.

Hi there!  Every day I find it hard, but it's getting better but it was a long time of doing for others before myself (14 years).   It is easier when you realize that the person you cared about and the person they are now aren't the same person... .  Regardless of what demon affects them... .    I am finding with this illness that NC is most effective... . 

[tiki]

Hi there!  Every day I find it hard, but it's getting better but it was a long time of doing for others before myself (14 years).   It is easier when you realize that the person you cared about and the person they are now aren't the same person... .  Regardless of what demon affects them... .    I am finding with this illness that NC is most effective... . 

Wow. 14 years. I can’t even imagine. Everybody seems to say that about nc... .that it’s best.

[tlc232]

Tiki -

Yep... .almost 14.   How much time were you together?   Not all of it was bad, but there were a lot of  red-flags along the way... .2 very bad incidents... .but almost all of the "symptoms" that you see listed here.   I don't know that length helps or hurts... .

[Mutt]

I don’t think that I’d have to worry about that because both were avoidant and they stîll are because they’re ashamed but if i had to I’d say something I’d say nothing because they made their  chouces, it’s their path, their karma and I’m not interfering with anything I’ll just let things play out naturally.

[Maxpax2011]

HA! I actually already have said a few things because she tried to triangulate me a few times with him, in short I told him they deserve each other and hope they live a life of endless fighting and misery. He is just as childish and volatile as her. They post nonsense on Facebook, to act like a perfect loving couple, but in reality all they do is fight and cheat on each other ha!. He falls back on one of his exes when they fight and then she contacts me when things get really bad, so it is some nice poetic justice.

[zeus123]

Hi maxpax2011, I hope when your ex contact you, then you go complete NC and you ignore her... I hope that's what you suppose to do!.

[Maxpax2011]

Hi maxpax2011, I hope when your ex contact you, then you go complete NC and you ignore her... I hope that's what you suppose to do!.

Trust me I have.