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Author Topic: New here: can you relate to my experience as parent of a BPD daughter?  (Read 382 times)
s_says
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 1


« on: February 22, 2018, 10:42:04 PM »

Hello!

My daughter was diagnosed with BPD at the age of 17, while she was in long term treatment for addiction issues (the first time); she is now almost 27.

I am here to learn, and to hopefully receive some understanding and support, myself, as well as give it, if I am able.

I am currently doing a lot of reading on the differences between BPD, narcissism, and antisocial personality disorder, and how these present when substance abuse is also a factor.

As of a few days ago, my daughter deleted me from all social media, blocked me, both online and on her phone, immediately after informing me that I am "worthless as a mother and a grandmother, that I am "the narcissist", and that I am "dead to her".

To be frank, right this moment, I feel nothing but relief. She exhausts me. She is like a tornado that spirals in and destroys every bit of sanity, stability, and safety. She brings all of this chaos and confusion and... .unrest. That is the best way that I can describe it.

My daughter's current rejection of me is all a result of my having expressed actual feelings over a pretty major betrayal. By her.

Sorry that this is so long. There is so much more to all of it, but I could type for days and be nowhere near to finishing. I am hoping that someone here will be able to relate, to empathize, and to validate some of what *my* experience has been through all of this.

If you've read this far, thank you, Lol!
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Huat
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Estranged
Posts: 595


« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2018, 11:54:45 PM »

Hi s_says.  Nice to meet you.

You write... ."I am here to learn and to hopefully receive some understanding and support myself, as well as give it, if I am able."  Girl, you are REALLY welcomed here!   You WILL get that support here and oh so wonderful that you are prepared to do what you can to help others.  This is not an easy life for any of us... .but it can be made bearable... .even improve as we learn new skills.

I, personally, have heard all those words your daughter has thrown at you... .and a lot more.  We have been cut out of her life (and our grandchildren's lives) a number of times.  We are out of it yet again... .this time almost a year.  After her last blow up, her verbal abuse escalated to the point where I knew I had to draw a line.  So... .we are deadlocked because she refuses to go to counselling with me, her Mom... .her nemesis.  

I do know what you mean when you write you are feeling relief.  I, too, am exhausted from all the years of drama.  I need and am taking this time to heal myself.   As I am healing, I am changing... .and the change feels good.  

Hope you keep sharing with us, s_says.  There can be comfort in knowing that others are experiencing similar problems.  Heads have nodded as your post was read.

Huat

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Merlot
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 347



« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2018, 03:17:15 AM »

Hi s_says

You're absolutely in the right place and there is much validation.  Like Huat, I nod and also like so many others here, I could have written your words.  

Their behaviour can be so confusing, and it really is exhausting being on that roller coaster ride of "on/off again".  It's so hard to like them when they are hurting us - and boy do we hurt - but it's only because we love them so... .they are our children  

I have been cut out of my DD27's life a few months ago, also blocked on all social media, etc.  I am using the time to rebalance, taking time for myself and best of all to learn... .learn from others here and by reading about BPD.  

I am currently reading Shari Manning's book "Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder".  It was recommended to me by another member here and I am finding much solace in reading it.  It is bringing me a very balanced perspective.  Keep coming and chatting, parents here really care about one another. Merlot
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Devastated Mom

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 16


« Reply #3 on: February 23, 2018, 07:37:14 AM »

Hello s_says

Along with the others I am nodding too. I completely empathize with you and as Merlot says, I could have written your words.

Your comparison of the tornado is spot on! My tornado, D18, has been living with my Mom for the past month. She has gone there a few times, but this time she has completely cut me off. Blocked me from her phone (that I pay for) and all social media. While I am heartbroken, there is finally peace in my house. I am trying to use this time to regroup myself and focus on my youngest daughter to help her through all this. My youngest daughter has been a casualty, and most times, a target in the path of destruction left by D18.

I was so happy to find this site. I felt so alone, helpless and questioned my own sanity before. While it doesn't take away the pain, finding a place where people truly understand what is going on in my life has been extremely helpful and comforting.  I hope you find it helpful as well.

Most importantly, take care of yourself. I have learned here that you are no good to anyone else if you don't take care of yourself. They have compared it to the instructions on an airplane "You have to put on your oxygen mask first, before you can help others" and it is so true.

Take care and know we are all here, filled with empathy for you.

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bluek9
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Gender: Female
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 257


we are full of color


« Reply #4 on: February 23, 2018, 10:43:41 AM »

Hi S-says, let me add my voice to those who already welcomed you. I'm hoping that by reading the numerous replies to your post, you see, read and feel that we are all with you. Here to support you, listen and validate the chaotic mix of emotions we have all felt. Please take to heart the sharing you are being given about self care. I'm sure you are fully aware that breaks are just that, they only last so long. Take the time for you, so that when the next interaction comes you will ready and strong enough to deal with it. 
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