Don't know the solution other than to stop trusting him with anything important. Keep my trap shut and forge ahead. Is that healthy? I don't know how else to deal with his impulsive, sometimes reckless behaviors.
Some filtering is often needed, gauging the best times to share, what to share, and what is totally unshareable.
Reckless behavior can come from many angles, from drinking too much, to overspending, and even engaging in physically unsafe behaviors like aggressive driving. So, hopefully, you are mostly dealing with him jumping the gun on things instead of following your lead.
One thing I think bot we "nons" and our pwBPD are both guilty of - assuming we were clear about our intentions and plans.
I have learned the very hard way if I want H to KNOW something, ACCEPT something, and then (hopefully) react in a timely manner in the way I need him to react/act/show up/do something, I have to start slow and be very direct in an empathetic manner, at an appropriate times .
This counts sharing things from an obligation, coming up to how I want to handle something (or how it needs to be done), I have to have a campaign of sorts planned to say it early. Let him get adjusted to it. Let him internalize it a bit.
In this case, did you TELL him the idea still needed some tweaking to be "just right" and YOU wanted to be the one to share it? NOt assume he understood it was supposed to be YOU - BPD makes them see us and them as one person half the time anyway, so you have to be VERY clear when there is a need to be distinct and separate in a way that does not trigger abandonment feelings.
Direct - YOU are sending it:"I am going to send an email to the board today - look for it and tell me what you think once I lay out the plans for our new line of sprockets. I need to write it out to get my ideas good and clear for everyone."
It's very clear from this that you are writing it and sending it, and you haven't even shared the gist of it so he can try to send out something confusing.
Sadly not as direct and possible for an enmeshed person to feel HE can send a message if really excited:"I have a great idea about 3D printing sprockets with Acme vending and shipping them via Amazon and want to make sure its shared with the board today!"
In the mind of a pwBPD, this can sound like HE, also being part of you, can send it. And, he might even see it as "we're married, so everything is joint anyway."
And, he may have wanted a little of the applause for it if well received.
So after all of that writing - yes, you need to filter what you say, and plan how to say what you DO share. Discussions about what to have for dinner, not such a big deal (usually - BPD can make it "fun". Discussions over business plans when you both serve on a board, yeah, filter that. It's not mean - you are dealing with a person with limited executive control who has (I am guessing) a history of impulsive decisions.
is mind
