Projection...

[Pina colada]

When I found out what projection is, when I discovered information on BPD (my sister sent me information after she was diagnosed... .which she now denies... .huh?), learned about NPD and saw all these things were my older sister who has had mental illness episodes her entire life... .things became clear.  Last time we spoke, she still lived in her delusional world, rewriting out family history (which my brother and dad, before he passed, all knew she lied about).  It helps to have familial support as she is evil and mean and takes any chance she could to lie about me.  After our mom passed, my sister was horribly abusive to mom, she turned on me.  I supposed they all need a scapegoat.  My sister abused me as a child.  She trampled my boundaries, betrayed all my trusts, lied to me, tried to play divide and conquer with my mom and dad to... (fortunately both mom and dad tipped off). She is a mean, evil and unhappy human being.  I am happy she knows nothing of my life now or my kids!  My world is safer without her venom.

[Kwamina]

Hi Pina colada

... .my sister sent me information after she was diagnosed... .which she now denies... .huh?

I can imagine that this turnaround would be quite frustrating. How did your sister behave after she just got diagnosed? Other than sending you information did you feel like she showed any true insights into her own behavior and how it affects other? Did she at the time seem committed to you to doing the work to help her better manage her difficult thoughts and emotions?

It helps to have familial support as she is evil and mean and takes any chance she could to lie about me... .She is a mean, evil and unhappy human being.

Having support can definitely be very helpful as it really can be quite difficult dealing with a BPD family-member, especially when that person is unwilling or unable to acknowledge his or her issues. BPD is a serious disorder and people with this disorder unfortunately tend to have quite distorted thinking patterns and perception, resulting in behavior that can be very unsettling.

Does it help you to consider her as evil, perhaps as a way to understand or process what you've been through with her?

Do you truly believe your sister is evil or would the term disordered or mentally ill perhaps more accurately describe her condition?

She trampled my boundaries... .My world is safer without her venom.

I am glad you are feeling safer now I think with boundaries it is important to keep in mind that they are mainly about us and protecting ourselves. There is no guarantee that the other person will respect our boundaries or react kindly to us setting them. Regardless of how the other person responds, the crucial thing is that we are willing and able to not only set the boundaries with them, but also to enforce/defend those boundaries.

You are currently NC with your sister, which in a way also creates a certain boundary or at least a space where you no longer have to deal directly with her behavior. When you were still in contact with her though, did you feel you were able (and willing) to set boundaries with her?

The Board Parrot

[Harley Quinn]

Hi Pina colada,

It must have been very painful for you to have your sister turn on you after your mom's passing.  How long ago was this?  I have a brother whom I actually get along with very well, however has his own issues and I rarely get to speak to him.  I can imagine that it must also sadden you to not be able to have your sister play a part in your life. 

It is really positive that you have protected yourself and your family from the behaviour you describe in such passionate terms.  What was it that you experienced from her before you put this distance between you?  If you could have had a healthy r/s with her I'm sure you would have preferred that.  Does your sister have any treatment that you know of and have you explored any support for yourself in dealing with the emotional impacts of your sibling on your life prior to now? 

I'm wondering if she has tried to contact you since you set this boundary, or if you are prepared for how to handle that should she attempt to re enter your life?

Love and light x

[Pina colada]

Hi Kwamina and Harley Quinn.  Kwamina you may recall some of this so I apologize if I am redundant... .My sister is in her late 60"sand has been in and out of hospitals since her early 20's.  She also has therapists, groups and I am sure other things I don't know about.  While we always knew something was off with her, when she sent me the information it clicked.  The problem is she can keep it together for a while and then something or some one will trigger her.  We had come a long way and talked about her disorder.  We discussed that if we started to feel anxiety or stress regarding something we may be talking about, the person whom feels stressed will say they need a time out.  Then we agreed to leave each other alone for a few days and then the person that needed the timeout would contact the other.  I thought this was a perfect idea.  What happened though is when BPD sis got upset she would send me many texts, sometimes emails, and the last one always said she won't read anything Write, answer the phone, I am blocked.  This is not playing fair... .She said everything she wanted but refused to listen to my side.  She doesn't play fair.  I even talked to her about this and she admitted it is not fair but she has anxiety and it is too hard on her mental health to read my responses yet she is allowed to say whatever she wants... .So while it seems like she is getting help her behavior has honestly gotten more bizarre.  Our father passed away in August and not only did she not visit him this past year she skipped out on his funeral.  She came bedside right before he passed and she was so doped up her speech was slurred and she thought our cousin was dads caregiver... .As for calling her evil I should take the high road and not name call... .She has enough enough problems being mentally ill and I do not call her evil to her face but at the same time she cut me off this last time because I couldn't honestly tell her I thought she was a good person.  I said she can be a very good, loving person but not always... .Sis doesn't respect my boundaries and never has.  My sister hasn't contacted me and I don't expect her to.  We are very different people. I won't reach out to her as I tried in December and it blew p in my face.  I won't lie but I won't intentionally say mean things to her either.  Here I feel safe and can vent... .I come here to  read and try and learn and support others.  Thank you for reaching out!