I’m in the anger stage

[JNChell]

I have definitely been drifting in and out of the stages of grief. I’m solidly in anger right now. I don’t have anything else to say. I feel self centered around this anger.

[once removed]

I feel self centered around this anger.

do you feel it has a calming/centering effect, or that youre not entirely comfortable with the anger?

[JNChell]

I don’t like it at all.

[toomanydogs]

I don’t like it at all.

My two cents: Sometimes we need to be angry. Sometimes our anger prevents us from staying in an unhealthy situation.

Sometimes, no. Sometimes anger serves no purpose except to make us kind of grouchy.

But I have faith that you'll work through the anger and get to the other side.

A tangent here: My mom died when she was 40, and I was 14. Prior to that, I'd been a deeply religious young girl. I'd prayed for a miracle. I prayed that God would save her. When He didn't, I got angry. I got angry, and I stayed angry for a good 16 years. Until my daughter was born.

I learned something important from that. First, I learned that I probably had needed grief counseling, but since I cannot run my life in rewind, I had to let that one go. Next, I learned that anger is, as you've mentioned, a stage in grief. My problem is I had no outlet; my anger turned inward, and it poisoned me. It turned to hate and pessimism, and that's not who I am.

I got into therapy and really worked on that anger, learned that my anger helped me feel less vulnerable. As a 14-year-old girl, staying angry made sense. Better not to be vulnerable; people can (and do) prey on adolescents. But the anger didn't make sense when I was in my 30s.

For me, on the other side of anger was acceptance. Along with acceptance was peace and the recognition of just what I could control. And I couldn't control my mom getting sick and dying.

Learning that has helped in working through my STBX leaving. I still get angry, but I don't stay angry, and I'm actually pretty sure when I'm on the other side of this divorce that I'll find acceptance for what my STBX and FIL have done, and I'll again have a bit of peace.

TMD

[JNChell]

Thank you TMD.

[Harley Quinn]

How are you doing JNChell?  How are you finding the anger is manifesting?  Maybe when you're able you could share some of your thoughts that arise with the anger here.  Letting the thoughts out could help it to pass.  If you feel comfortable with that.  Otherwise, do you have another outlet that allows you to let it move through you?  When I was very angry I found the gym became my sanctuary.  I physically expelled the anger from my body and got incredibly fit in the process.  Win win.  Stay in touch.  We're listening.

Love and light x

[JNChell]

I’m simply pissed off, HQ. The manifestations are thoughts and realizations. I don’t feel like sharing anything. I don’t feel like giving her props by my sobbing on this board. The reason that I’m angry can be found in many posts.

[In a bad way]

JNChell

I understand how you feel but as you have read I just started to feel angry about my ex, it took me a long time and then I heard some bad news about her and it made me sad. But I am still angry as well, I am angry with her ex and her kids, BPD or not I am 100% sure they put her under so much stress that it made her worse.
I am angry that she didn't follow through on the things she said she was going to do which would have solved so many problems, I am  angry that she threw so much of my help and kindness back at me. I am angry that I am blocked on everything so I can't help her now.
I am angry with myself for not being able to not give a sh**
I am angry about so many things and I can't do anything about them.
I am angry that she didn't learn anything and they are the reason she is in the state she is in.
I am angry that she is not reaching out for my help, I am angry with me for knowing that I would help.
I am angry with her parents and sisters for not doing enough then or now.
In fact I could be here all night listing everything I am angry about, and all this anger is manifesting itself into depression.

I would imagine I have not helped you one bit but I think I can tell where your anger is coming from, but I may be wrong?
I apologise for this terrible post.

[JNChell]

In a bad way, your post isn’t horrible at all. I’m sorry that you’re feeling the way you are and I sympathize with you. This is some hard stuff to go through. I thought the anger would’ve been liberating in a sense. I didn’t realize that it would feel this crappy.