Newbie with a couple questions

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I'm new here and have a couple questions regarding my BPD husband.  A quick back story -

We have been separated since December.  After yet another violent, borderline rage, I talked him into being admitted to a psychiatric hospital (just one of many, many visits).  While there, all our communication was fine.  Apologies, loving sentiments, he can't wait to come home, etc.  On the day he was to be released, instead of picking him up I went complete no contact, and had him served with a permanent protective order.  I literally left him stranded in the hospital with nothing but the clothes on his back, and he never saw it coming.  I have had no contact with him or any of his family or friends since.  Needless to say, I'm sure I have been painted the blackest black there is.  So here are my questions-

1.  Why has he made no attempt to retrieve any of his possessions?  I refuse to break no contact and reach out to anyone on his side, but he could easily have a family member or friend call or email about his things.  Some of this stuff is very sentimental to him.  Does he just not want it back?

2.  I know he is in a new relationship already, and I'm ok with that.  But I have just discovered that I have to undergo a mastectomy and reconstruction surgery.  If he finds this information out, will he try to contact me, even if he has a new girlfriend?  I don't want him too, just trying to judge if I'll have to deal with more drama on top of my health issues. 

Thanks!

[BallaDs]

I'm new here and have a couple questions regarding my BPD husband.  A quick back story -

We have been separated since December.  After yet another violent, borderline rage, I talked him into being admitted to a psychiatric hospital (just one of many, many visits).  While there, all our communication was fine.  Apologies, loving sentiments, he can't wait to come home, etc.  On the day he was to be released, instead of picking him up I went complete no contact, and had him served with a permanent protective order.  I literally left him stranded in the hospital with nothing but the clothes on his back, and he never saw it coming.  I have had no contact with him or any of his family or friends since.  Needless to say, I'm sure I have been painted the blackest black there is.  So here are my questions-

1.  Why has he made no attempt to retrieve any of his possessions?  I refuse to break no contact and reach out to anyone on his side, but he could easily have a family member or friend call or email about his things.  Some of this stuff is very sentimental to him.  Does he just not want it back?

2.  I know he is in a new relationship already, and I'm ok with that.  But I have just discovered that I have to undergo a mastectomy and reconstruction surgery.  If he finds this information out, will he try to contact me, even if he has a new girlfriend?  I don't want him too, just trying to judge if I'll have to deal with more drama on top of my health issues. 

Thanks!

[Teedot]

I know everyone is different, but in my experience some leave their possessions so they have a reason to make contact again, or sometimes start a fight over them.  My ex tried to leave a few things at my house because he didn't have room in his vehicle.  I found room and made him take all of his stuff so he had no reason to ever come back.  This enraged him.  Sorry to hear about what you are going through in your life.  I am sending you love and light!

[Speck]

Hello, BallaDs:

 

Welcome! We're so glad you're here. You will see from reading the posts on this forum that you are far from alone.

1.  Why has he made no attempt to retrieve any of his possessions?  I refuse to break no contact and reach out to anyone on his side, but he could easily have a family member or friend call or email about his things.  Some of this stuff is very sentimental to him.  Does he just not want it back?

You may be short-term storage for him:

The third time my uBPDw left me (two years ago), she left her stuff with me for four months, then we reconciled. I was apparently short-term storage for her... .and also a sucker. She again left me abruptly a little over three months ago, taking some things that night but leaving the majority of her other stuff... .for weeks on end. Refusing to be treated as short-term storage again, I rented a 26' U-Haul and took it all over to a public storage locker. It was all over in a day.

But I also tend to second what Teedot says:

I know everyone is different, but in my experience, some leave their possessions so they have a reason to make contact again, or sometimes start a fight over them.

I think there was some aspect of this going on for my wife as well.

2.  I know he is in a new relationship already, and I'm ok with that.  But I have just discovered that I have to undergo a mastectomy and reconstruction surgery.  If he finds this information out, will he try to contact me, even if he has a new girlfriend?  I don't want him too, just trying to judge if I'll have to deal with more drama on top of my health issues.

 

I'm so sorry you are in poor health in that regard. I wish you a successful outcome and speedy recovery! I imagine if you're not in contact with him or his camp, then there's no way for him to know this information. You can also make yourself an alias while in the hospital... .just ask registration, and they will set you up with an assumed name. [Source: I work in a hospital.]

Again, welcome! Keep reading and posting, and I'm sure you'll get help and support (as I have).


-Speck

[Notjoy]

Simple answer, he was served with a permanent protection order.  He can not contact you.  He can not have someone contact you on his behalf.

BPDs have a sense of self preservation.