I informed her Mother today of what has been happening

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello everyone,

I have had enough as her husband. Unending fights, arguments, verbal abuse and physical abuse (on 7 occasions leaving permanent scars on my body).

So today I called her mother and informed her everything that has been happening in our marriage. Also sent her the pics of physical abuse.

Her mother is very polite, calm, well-behaved and composed whereas her father has rage issues. So I chose to tell her mother first. Her mother also respects me immensely. I too respect her a lot

At first after hearing all this she became anxious and could not think of what she should do. But she patiently listened to everything I had to say and agreed with me on all points that these things are very wrong. She said she is feeling very bad for me. She asked for some time and told me that she will discuss with her sister-in-law on what can be done specially about the physical abuse. She said about not informing my father-in-law right now as he has rage issues and can fly into a rage. I agreed and told her that if she needs any help with anything, I am here. I also told her that I did not want things to come to this and I never wanted to have such a discussion with her but am helpless. She said she understands.

So this is what has happened so far. My wife does not know that I have had this discussion as it will be followed up with more fights and drama. My mother-in-law also agreed not to tell her anything. My final plan is to live separately from my wife with no contact for as long as I need to but have not told her mother today because I did not want to put too many things on my mother-in-law in the first discussion. But I kind of feel a bit relieved that I have finally taken a stand and done something about all these things. Enough of forgiving my wife for her destructive actions. Now its time for consequences.

[smart_storm26]

Hello everyone,

I have had enough as her husband. Unending fights, arguments, verbal abuse and physical abuse (on 7 occasions leaving permanent scars on my body).

So today I called her mother and informed her everything that has been happening in our marriage. Also sent her the pics of physical abuse.

Her mother is very polite, calm, well-behaved and composed whereas her father has rage issues. So I chose to tell her mother first. Her mother also respects me immensely. I too respect her a lot

At first after hearing all this she became anxious and could not think of what she should do. But she patiently listened to everything I had to say and agreed with me on all points that these things are very wrong. She said she is feeling very bad for me. She asked for some time and told me that she will discuss with her sister-in-law on what can be done specially about the physical abuse. She said about not informing my father-in-law right now as he has rage issues and can fly into a rage. I agreed and told her that if she needs any help with anything, I am here. I also told her that I did not want things to come to this and I never wanted to have such a discussion with her but am helpless. She said she understands.

So this is what has happened so far. My wife does not know that I have had this discussion as it will be followed up with more fights and drama. My mother-in-law also agreed not to tell her anything. My final plan is to live separately from my wife with no contact for as long as I need to but have not told her mother today because I did not want to put too many things on my mother-in-law in the first discussion. But I kind of feel a bit relieved that I have finally taken a stand and done something about all these things. Enough of forgiving my wife for her destructive actions. Now its time for consequences.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi smart_storm26,

Are you currently still living together with your wife?  From what I read, you plan to separate.  What steps have you put in place for yourself?  Do you have the support of a domestic abuse advocate?

Love and light x

[RolandOfEld]

Hi smart_storm26, sounds like it's been a really hard run for you. I can fully relate with reaching the point of enough is enough and wanting to do something about it. It sounds like it was a good thing for you to finally reach out to someone close to you and your wife for support.

I reached out to my dad for help this past weekend. He was the first person outside of a counselor that I've ever told about what was happening with my wife. He was sad but not very surprised.

You'll need all the help you can get if you plan to take action on the situation. Besides offering some emotional support, how else do you think your in laws can help? Do you have family of your own and have you thought about reaching out to them as well?

~ROE

[Lucky Jim]

Hey smart storm, I'm unclear about what you expect her mother to do, if anything.  I'm sorry that you have suffered physical abuse, which is totally unacceptable to me.  As Harley and Roland suggest, you could use additional support.  Do you have any close friends or family members with whom you can confide?  It's easy to get isolated in a BPD r/s and it's hard to speak about being a husband experiencing abuse by his wife.  I should know, because I, too, was the object of my BPDxW's abuse.  Are there other steps you can take to protect yourself?  Fill us in, when you can.

LuckyJim