Peace with having a mother with uBPD

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi, Everyone

It has been a few years since I have posted or read any of the boards. In 2014 when I found this site and support my whole life was crashing down. I had just found out that my sister had a secret tumbler account that she was expressing suicidal thoughts and cutting herself. That turned out revealing the biggest problem that had been hiding right in plain site; my mother's BPD. After seeing a therapist myself when dealing with everything that was happening then, I was told about the BPD diagnosis and my mother fit it almost perfectly. Everything became so clear and I was in a world of terror, but at least I finally had the acknowledgement and information I was missing.

Now flash forward to now... .I have placed firm boundaries with my mother and it included almost a year of no contact in the beginning. Now, I see my mother when it fits my schedule and she visits with my family and it is PEACEFUL! I never would have thought that was possible 3 years ago. I just want to encourage anyone who is looking to find peace in their relationship with a BPD parent know it can happen. It is a struggle and takes lots of effort and you have to remember they have BPD which means they can have extreme behaviors at any moment. Have faith and keep moving forward. I would say what helped me the most was working on my personal boundaries. I read books on boundaries and most importantly keep going to therapy.

Side note: My sister continued her therapy as well and I think she is on a better path now. So thankful for that!

Hope if you are reading this and struggling with a BPD parent it gives you hope for peace in the future.

[red_caterpillar]

Hi, Everyone

It has been a few years since I have posted or read any of the boards. In 2014 when I found this site and support my whole life was crashing down. I had just found out that my sister had a secret tumbler account that she was expressing suicidal thoughts and cutting herself. That turned out revealing the biggest problem that had been hiding right in plain site; my mother's BPD. After seeing a therapist myself when dealing with everything that was happening then, I was told about the BPD diagnosis and my mother fit it almost perfectly. Everything became so clear and I was in a world of terror, but at least I finally had the acknowledgement and information I was missing.

Now flash forward to now... .I have placed firm boundaries with my mother and it included almost a year of no contact in the beginning. Now, I see my mother when it fits my schedule and she visits with my family and it is PEACEFUL! I never would have thought that was possible 3 years ago. I just want to encourage anyone who is looking to find peace in their relationship with a BPD parent know it can happen. It is a struggle and takes lots of effort and you have to remember they have BPD which means they can have extreme behaviors at any moment. Have faith and keep moving forward. I would say what helped me the most was working on my personal boundaries. I read books on boundaries and most importantly keep going to therapy.

Side note: My sister continued her therapy as well and I think she is on a better path now. So thankful for that!

Hope if you are reading this and struggling with a BPD parent it gives you hope for peace in the future.

[Turkish]

This is a great success story,  thanks for returning to tell it. 

How,  specifically, do you think your boundaries helped reduce the conflict?

T

[Kwamina]

Hi red_caterpillar

Thanks for this uplifting update. I am glad you feel positive about the progress you've made

Boundaries are indeed crucial when dealing with people with BPD. You mention reading books on boundaries, were there perhaps certain books or resources that you found particularly helpful?

What do you consider the biggest difference now in the way you set and enforce/defend your boundaries compared to a few years ago?

I am very happy your sister is getting professional help and seems to be doing better now. That's wonderful news

Take care

The Board Parrot