Starting NC - Need some support

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello BPD Family,

I am finally on the detaching phase i feel. I gave in my first try and prolonged the pain for another month and 1/2. Now, I am ready. From my old posts I was trying to get back with my BPDex who lives on another state, then I contemplated the idea of being open, as his request, but then he didn't even want that. He just wanted to keep talking to me I guess. I had scheduled a flight to go see him at the end of March, for some stupid reason i thought we were going to be fine, since i am moving there in a couple on months, but no, he confessed he is talking to someone and he doesn't want to fight with me when i get there, so if that was going to be the case, I should reconsider my trip. It hurt me profoundly, he didn't really want to see me apparently.

I said that i wouldn't fight but that i think its time to stop talking then. That i won't go and this is it, I had enough. Things were suppose to get better the closer it gets for me to move there, but seems like they are getting worst. Anyway, he said he respected my decision and that we should keep in contact but he understand if i need time. I said, i don't think so bc i just had enough, what we had was beautiful and those are memories now, i said my goodbyes and sent my love. That was 2 days ago, I woke up today with a text from him -  something about his family - I did not reply. I am glad I had been busy this weekend but next week it's going to be chill for me so I am hoping i can be strong. He said he wouldn't text me and then he does that! I am so annoyed by how disrespectful he is and how he thinks i am just a game! 

Any advice about how to deal with him? I think he might start texting me back again.

[xyz-Girl]

Hello BPD Family,

I am finally on the detaching phase i feel. I gave in my first try and prolonged the pain for another month and 1/2. Now, I am ready. From my old posts I was trying to get back with my BPDex who lives on another state, then I contemplated the idea of being open, as his request, but then he didn't even want that. He just wanted to keep talking to me I guess. I had scheduled a flight to go see him at the end of March, for some stupid reason i thought we were going to be fine, since i am moving there in a couple on months, but no, he confessed he is talking to someone and he doesn't want to fight with me when i get there, so if that was going to be the case, I should reconsider my trip. It hurt me profoundly, he didn't really want to see me apparently.

I said that i wouldn't fight but that i think its time to stop talking then. That i won't go and this is it, I had enough. Things were suppose to get better the closer it gets for me to move there, but seems like they are getting worst. Anyway, he said he respected my decision and that we should keep in contact but he understand if i need time. I said, i don't think so bc i just had enough, what we had was beautiful and those are memories now, i said my goodbyes and sent my love. That was 2 days ago, I woke up today with a text from him -  something about his family - I did not reply. I am glad I had been busy this weekend but next week it's going to be chill for me so I am hoping i can be strong. He said he wouldn't text me and then he does that! I am so annoyed by how disrespectful he is and how he thinks i am just a game! 

Any advice about how to deal with him? I think he might start texting me back again.

[hope2727]

Its like drug addiction one day at a time. Sometimes its one hour, one minute, one moment. But you can do this. There will be really hard times but you will get through. Just build a call instead of him list. Write anything you would write him here instead. Block all avenues of contact. Make you facebook locked down private. Block his number(s) or better yet change your number. Block all instagram, or other electronic forms. Then tell everyone you don't want any news about him and practice some lines to say if they bring it up. Then get busy. Join a gym, take a class, go on a trip, move to a new space, take up a new hobby, reach out to friends and family you have become distanced from. Do whatever it takes but do not waver. You have an amazing life ahead of you and the sooner you get to it the sooner your happy can come back. Oh and read how to survive the loss of a love by Peter McWilliams et al. It helps I swear.

Ok post us later and let us know how you are doing.

[JustNeedToTalk]

Its like drug addiction one day at a time. Sometimes its one hour, one minute, one moment. But you can do this. There will be really hard times but you will get through. Just build a call instead of him list. Write anything you would write him here instead.

This is great advice.  Writing on here and keeping a journal helps me.  My panic attacks worsened after NC but I have actually discover that writing really helps.  Banging away on a key board, venting all your love, anger, betrayal, regrets, fears.  Is very therapeutic.  Exercise too, even if you've never been into exercise, it is so good to clear your head, force yourself.  Do you have a friend you can work out with?  I've started a training program on an app and my commitment to that is helping me.  Exercise will help you sleep too.

Audiobooks, I've listened to a few but "Women who Love too much" and "Stop Walking on Eggshells" are by far the most helpful to me.

Find a therapist, talking to a stranger who's helping me like myself more and rid me of my guilt, and work out why I stayed in such a toxic relationship, why did I allow this to happen to me.

Be ready for him to up the contact and get abusive, mine did, back and forward I love you one minute to I hate you the next.  To now actually going out his way to email me after 2 months of NC to tell me "he does not wish me well". 

Stay strong as we all have to on either.  This all may sound cliché but force yourself, trust me I know it's hard.  I didn't function for about 2 months after we ended, but I'm getting there now.

And post, write on here... .I guarantee it will help you.  Give advice and seek advice from others who have been through the same.

JNTT xxx

[Patusito]

Hello xyz girl

I have been there where you are now. What I can tell you is that first of all
congratulations for deciding to go NC. That is already a huge victory and milestone! It might seem like the beginning but you have already initiated
your victory lap!
The days and weeks and months and years of NC that you will have will test you in very way and you will definitely change for the better. That’s the good news!
Please please you have to edge it in your mind like a tattoo that you will never break NC as it is utterly pointless and you would hand over the power you have now and give it to your ex for free. Please remember, if there is again contact, the abuse will always and always continue and perhaps worsen! It is impossible for you or anyone to be with a pwBPD. I’m sorry to say but they are vampires or dark demons. Do you want to seek out evil? Hello no ! Stay on track and spit the evil in the face ! That is my motto and it will remain like that forever. She has no chance !

[xyz-Girl]

Its like drug addiction one day at a time. Sometimes its one hour, one minute, one moment.
You have an amazing life ahead of you and the sooner you get to it the sooner your happy can come back. Oh and read how to survive the loss of a love by Peter McWilliams et al. It helps I swear.

Ok post us later and let us know how you are doing.

Thank you for the book recommendation. I have already blocked him from social media, I am not ready to block him from my phone? Do I still want to know about him? Maybe, maybe I want him to come back begging, so I can reply with indifference. I am havin all this feelings, they change minute to minute as you say, but I am hoping to get better soon. I have not lost myself in the relationship thank god, so I still have my life and hobbies and friends that support me. I will keep posting for more support for sure!

Thank you!

[xyz-Girl]

This is great advice.  Writing on here and keeping a journal helps me.  My panic attacks worsened after NC but I have actually discover that writing really helps.  Banging away on a key board, venting all your love, anger, betrayal, regrets, fears.  Is very therapeutic.  Exercise too, even if you've never been into exercise, it is so good to clear your head, force yourself.  Do you have a friend you can work out with?  I've started a training program on an app and my commitment to that is helping me.  Exercise will help you sleep too.

Audiobooks, I've listened to a few but "Women who Love too much" and "Stop Walking on Eggshells" are by far the most helpful to me.

Find a therapist, talking to a stranger who's helping me like myself more and rid me of my guilt, and work out why I stayed in such a toxic relationship, why did I allow this to happen to me.

Be ready for him to up the contact and get abusive, mine did, back and forward I love you one minute to I hate you the next.  To now actually going out his way to email me after 2 months of NC to tell me "he does not wish me well". 

Stay strong as we all have to on either.  This all may sound cliché but force yourself, trust me I know it's hard.  I didn't function for about 2 months after we ended, but I'm getting there now.

And post, write on here... .I guarantee it will help you.  Give advice and seek advice from others who have been through the same.

JNTT xxx

Yes JNTT, I have started journaling back again, planning to do it everyday. The timing is perfect, I am traveling for my spring break, and I am traveling next weekend for a wedding, that will help me out take off my mind the fact that I was supposed to be with him that weekend. I am trying to keep busy and healthy. I am going to read both those books you recommended, I do feel I love too much, I am really interested in that particular one. I am just sad that all I want is someone to love me for who I am and I really thought he was the one then suddenly everything changed. I wonder and wonder what did he ever feel about me? Was it all a lie?

[JNChell]

Hi xyz-girl. I think that you’re on the right path in choosing to go NC. Consider yourself lucky that you’re able to go full NC. Many of us here don’t have that option and it makes things more difficult.

I completely understand having all of those mixed feelings and emotions. I still have them as well. It’s part of how our brains are processing the trauma of what we’ve been through. It’ll get better the longer you maintain NC and enforce your boundaries with him. I have to laugh at myself while giving you this advice because I am just awful with boundaries.  I need a lot of work in this area. So, speaking of boundaries, how do you think you would respond to an attempted recycle by him?

You’re doing well, xyz-girl. It will get better. We’re all here for another. 

[stixx44]

Xyz,

I’m sure you know the answer to the question as to why you’re not ready to go NC yet.  It took me months to make that decision.  I would do it for a few days, and then unblock.

I finally did it two weeks ago, and it was very freeing.  No more being held hostage to my phone.  No more wondering if she was going to text or email.

You will know when you’re ready.  I just finally realized after three recycles (the last being wonderful, I might add, until she roadblocked me with a demand I just couldn’t meet) that I was thinking and caring about her way more than she was caring about me.  I wasted so much time, energy, and effort into talking about her, analyzing her every text, wondering if she missed me.

Life is short.  Maybe you could try it for a few days and see how you feel.   Just know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel.

Stay strong!

Stixx

[once removed]

Do I still want to know about him? Maybe, maybe I want him to come back begging, so I can reply with indifference. I am havin all this feelings, they change minute to minute

this happens to a lot of us.

hard "no contact" raises anxiety levels for both parties. couple it with dubious intent, and it can become self sabotaging.

its good to have a firm grasp on why youre choosing this tool (there are others) and how.

this article can really help you clarify your goals: https://bpdfamily.com/content/no-contact-right-way-wrong-way

some excerpts:

So why does No Contact fail?
Possibly because there is too much emphasis on the tactics and too little emphasis on the true objectives and priorities. Some times, non-borderlines launch into "No Contact" campaigns with only a vague understanding of what they are doing and they end up engaging in something that would be better called "the silent treatment". The silent treatment is not good - it is often characterized by professionals as an emotional manipulation; an abusive action in and of itself.

... .

"No Contact" is mostly about the non-borderline forcing "distance" into the relationship to help the non-borderline heal; to get the "space" needed to get over the hurt; get on with their lives.

The key elements of "No Contact" are

to get the partner out of your day-to-day life,
to stop thinking in terms of a relationship,
to take them out of your vision of the future,
to stop wondering about how they are perceiving everything you are doing, and
to stop obsessing with how they are reacting (or not reacting) or what they are doing.

... .

And herein lies the problem.
If you really don't want to "disconnect", if you're hurt and timid and it's not a high priority get healthy, you will find many reasons not to do the obvious. Or, even more common, if you are still holding out some hope, or are struggling with uncertainty, you will likely fear the permanence of such action and purposely select something ineffective and secretly hope that it fails.

Let's call all of this, "dubious intent."

When the cure becomes the disease.
The problem with the oft suggested "No Contact" tactics (blocking the e-mails, and silence) is that, when coupled with "dubious intent", they can easily be misdirected into ways to vent anger, to punish, to manipulate, to make a statement, to defend a principle, to make someone appreciate you, to try to force someone to listen to you, ... .to even win some one back (?).

[xyz-Girl]

this happens to a lot of us.

hard "no contact" raises anxiety levels for both parties. couple it with dubious intent, and it can become self sabotaging.

its good to have a firm grasp on why youre choosing this tool (there are others) and how.

this article can really help you clarify your goals: https://bpdfamily.com/content/no-contact-right-way-wrong-way

some excerpts:

This is completely true! I honestly started this NC bc I want to heal, I want to move on and stop the pain he brings to my life, which I think is unintentional. However, I can’t deny that I want him to regret this, losing me. I think blocking him out on my phone is not necessary yet, I think if he starts texting and being aggressive and abussive I definitely would. I just want to let him go bc even tho I still care about him Idk if he would ever appreciate me. He controls his emotions well I would say, he never showed any rage or extreme anger towards me, I did notice some intensitity regarding some subjects but I think he is good at trying to get better on his traits. This is the Second time in 9 months he had acted irrational so I still wonder if just stopped wanting me more than just a simple: Oh it’s a BPD episode. Oh well, I am still determined on move on and try to heal.

Thank you for the reminder of my goals, it’s very hard so remember sometimes with all the emotions involved and when I miss him. Time is passing slowly but soon it will be over and I will stop thinking about him.

[Pencil sketch]

Well done for making the decision, it's not easy.
For me, complete no contact, is the only way, and I soon realised, having her in my life, all be it in my phone contacts, was preventing me from moving on, what if she sends a message, she is sorry, and wants to try again, what if? What if?
It's our coping mechanism, and prevents us from facing what they can't, and it's paradoxical, that they are the ones stopping us from moving on, without even doing anything, it's hope.
I have blocked her from everything, and although I have sobbed like a baby, i feel hopeful, I hurt, but I am still here, I go to work, out with friends, see a therapist, and slowly, I am reconnecting with planet earth again.
I still get urges, but just think of the sick feeling I had, when we did communicate, and this is far preferable.
We are all different, there are no right or wrongs, just what is right for you and your well being.
Stay strong, and keep posting.

[xyz-Girl]

Well done for making the decision, it's not easy.
For me, complete no contact, is the only way, and I soon realised, having her in my life, all be it in my phone contacts, was preventing me from moving on, what if she sends a message, she is sorry, and wants to try again, what if? What if?
It's our coping mechanism, and prevents us from facing what they can't, and it's paradoxical, that they are the ones stopping us from moving on, without even doing anything, it's hope.
I have blocked her from everything, and although I have sobbed like a baby, i feel hopeful, I hurt, but I am still here, I go to work, out with friends, see a therapist, and slowly, I am reconnecting with planet earth again.
I still get urges, but just think of the sick feeling I had, when we did communicate, and this is far preferable.
We are all different, there are no right or wrongs, just what is right for you and your well being.
Stay strong, and keep posting.

Yes yes! That is exactly what is happening to me. I think I still have hope that he will text me and say he is sorry and want to try it again... .I am just having a hard time letting him go, despite all the irrational and selfish things he did. Maybe I just need time to heal not only from my relationship with him but also from prior relationships that hurt me and marked me. I am taking a break but at the same time I wonder so much if he is also feeling the same way as I do.

Thanks for all the support and motivation.

[Pencil sketch]

No worries, if our experiences with  these people, help someone to move forward, then it's worth it.
I also suffer from anxiety, and the same principle applies here to a degree. We become accustomed to suffering, as much as we hate it, it's a part of us, it's familiar. Recovery is a scary prospect, it takes work, self reflection and analysis, and most of all courage.
It's all about acceptance, but how can we accept someone who has caused us so much pain?
Which leads to the ultimate question, why did we put up with it?
Aside from my childhood issues, the reason for me, is far more prosaic, I love her, and having the capacity to love someone unconditionally, makes us unique people, and the individuals who brought us all here, may not have the capacity to understand that, and without wanting to sound conceited, she was bloody lucky.
This healing process has so many twists and turns, I know I won't n3 the same person who went into this relationship coming out, and I think that's what people fear.

[xyz-Girl]

Today is day 6 of NC. I am having a hard time distracting myself. All day I think about him, about if he is missing me the way I do, if he has moved on already, if he has noticed that I blocked him on Social media, if he hates me? From all of the above, the thought one of him moving on really bother me the most. I really don’t know what to do about this feelings. It’s hard and exhausting and I don’t know how to make it stop. I am vacationing at a beach and still thinking about him, I feel I should be enjoying myself more but idk why I get so obsessed with thoughts and things I want in my life l. This has being something so hard for me to balance, generally is good bc I am driven to get what I want in life but it is not the case when we talk about love .

[wellwellwell]

Today is day 6 of NC. I am having a hard time distracting myself. All day I think about him, about if he is missing me the way I do, if he has moved on already, if he has noticed that I blocked him on Social media, if he hates me? From all of the above, the thought one of him moving on really bother me the most. I really don’t know what to do about this feelings. It’s hard and exhausting and I don’t know how to make it stop. I am vacationing at a beach and still thinking about him, I feel I should be enjoying myself more but idk why I get so obsessed with thoughts and things I want in my life l. This has being something so hard for me to balance, generally is good bc I am driven to get what I want in life but it is not the case when we talk about love .

Hang in there. What I realized, with a lot of sadness, was that my ex wasn't missing me in the same way I missed her. That helped convince me that it wasn't the relationship I thought it was. That was really, really hard to accept, but it was when a lot of the cravings to continue contact just disappeared. Look for the ten myths - I think they're in the lessons section. They'll sting a bit, but they might help.

It's natural to want what you're describing. Everything you want (love, someone to be close to) is normal. That's why it's hard, but you just need to slowly realize that this is your life, not his. And yes, it's really tough when you feel like you should be enjoying yourself and you're not. It sucks. I'm sorry. It does change. It really does.

[xyz-Girl]

Hang in there. What I realized, with a lot of sadness, was that my ex wasn't missing me in the same way I missed her. That helped convince me that it wasn't the relationship I thought it was. That was really, really hard to accept, but it was when a lot of the cravings to continue contact just disappeared. Look for the ten myths - I think they're in the lessons section. They'll sting a bit, but they might help.

It's natural to want what you're describing. Everything you want (love, someone to be close to) is normal. That's why it's hard, but you just need to slowly realize that this is your life, not his. And yes, it's really tough when you feel like you should be enjoying yourself and you're not. It sucks. I'm sorry. It does change. It really does.

Yes, I have read about them but how do we know the way they miss us? And how is it different, in what way? I wish I could understand more. How did you realized she wasn’t missing you in the same way?

[wellwellwell]

Yes, I have read about them but how do we know the way they miss us? And how is it different, in what way? I wish I could understand more. How did you realized she wasn’t missing you in the same way?

Here are the '10 beliefs that hold you back' that I was referring to. I hope the link works:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality#2

This helped me a lot. For me, the one that actually convinced me that my ex was BPD was number 8 - my then therapist also persuaded me that I needed to stop assuming that she was emotionally rational, or just feeling in any way the same as I did. Each time she left I assumed that she was missing me. She wasn't. She actually trusted me less the longer we were apart. That was so completely different from how I felt. That's when the penny dropped and I could start grieving.

[once removed]

Today is day 6 of NC. I am having a hard time distracting myself. All day I think about him, about if he is missing me the way I do, if he has moved on already, if he has noticed that I blocked him on Social media, if he hates me? From all of the above, the thought one of him moving on really bother me the most. I really don’t know what to do about this feelings. It’s hard and exhausting and I don’t know how to make it stop.

rumination. its a common response to grief, trauma, depression, etc. there are tools that can help. this workshop has a bunch of them: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=103396.0

personally, what helped me was writing. id pour all of my ruminations into that. it helped me kind of tidy them up, and eventually id feel exhausted and resolved.

i want to second wellwellwell. two people going through a breakup, both before and after, are usually on two different pages, experiencing different things, processing differently.  i was projecting what i was going through onto her, and all that did was confuse me or make me read into things. realizing that did help me to stop trying to get into her head and focus, more closely, on what was going through mine.

[Chynna]

Dear xyz, I'm not sure of the time span of your r/s. If it has not been years and years, you are doing the healthiest thing for yourself. All those great qualities you have (patience, understanding, etc.) are just going to waste on pwBPD. Once this is over for you, find someone who will be able to really appreciate all those good qualities. N/C is difficult. It is minute by minute in the beginning but then you will see it is a wonderful gift you have given yourself. Try to stay busy. Own your feelings; do not deny them. Breathe deep. I know your friends do not get it... .they think you are just being weak. What more can I say?... .The sooner you accomplish the daunting task of detachment, the better. 

[xyz-Girl]

Dear xyz, I'm not sure of the time span of your r/s. If it has not been years and years, you are doing the healthiest thing for yourself. All those great qualities you have (patience, understanding, etc.) are just going to waste on pwBPD. Once this is over for you, find someone who will be able to really appreciate all those good qualities. N/C is difficult. It is minute by minute in the beginning but then you will see it is a wonderful gift you have given yourself. Try to stay busy. Own your feelings; do not deny them. Breathe deep. I know your friends do not get it... .they think you are just being weak. What more can I say?... .The sooner you accomplish the daunting task of detachment, the better. 

Thank you Chynna,

It’s being rough and a constant thought. I am doing better and as you say everything changes minute to minute. I am going to give me my time and space. Things are happening too fast and I get anxious. I want to t cut him and say that I think about him and that I miss him but at the same time I know it’s the best for me to take my time. Such a hard to do, to go against your feelings and what you want to do for your own good.

[Pencil sketch]

Xyz girl, I am feeling the same, have been OK, and yesterday, I imploded, and feel I have made no progress. I feel huge resentment towards her,  and her selfish actions.
I know it will pass, and recognise it as all part of the grieving/healing process. Things she said, pop into my head randomly, one being, she wishes I would meet someone else, get my brains ###### out, and leave her in peace, that hell will freeze over before she ever gets in touch again.
All this, after she broke contact again.
Stay strong, one day at a time

[Outdoors Girl]

XYZgirl,

  to you.  It is one tough path but you are doing so well!  The only way to get a little clarity is with distance and you are accomplishing that!  That is a major accomplishment!

I wanted you to know you are not alone in this process.  I am walking this path too and we can do it together!  I am in no contact mode since only last Monday and sometimes it is hour by hour.  I am grateful that the feelings of acute anxiety have passed and now I am not feeling like I will panic!  Small steps.  I read in the tools that for the brain to withdraw from the absence of love is like the brain withdrawing from a drug!  Hang in there.  The good things is that for us enough time has  passed (5-6 days) that we are already doing better.

Realistically I am starting to accept the fact that this relationship was not a healthy one like I thought.  I thought we fell in love and he was not ready.  This was not the case.  I know from the last time we were together that I cannot have that unhealthy relationship.  His experience was very different because of his wounded core.  I am slowly accepting that.  It's been far from easy.

I hope you are doing better.  Many of us here are on this path and you are not alone!

Take good care!

[xyz-Girl]

Thank you all for your words of support. I know this is the best thing for me but at hard, I don’t usually give up and feeling like I failed really bothers me, that’s what I fee from my relationship with him. I thought he was the one and now I don’t know anything about him for a week. I jump between this is the best and I miss him so much I just want to text him to ask how is he doing. I don’t feel that my relationship with him was that bad, so maybe that is why I see the that line blurry, and I sometimes wonder if what I did was right bc now I might lose him forever. I don’t have panic attacks anymore, but my mind is always thinking about him. I need more time to heal. Does anyone also feel anxious because they are also going bc with yourselves? I find myself wondering why he has not texted me back, maybe he doesn’t miss or idk? Maybe he also want this to be over. I feel I have lost faith in love and started to think I might have something wrong with me. I also have a very strong sexual connection with him, and I miss that  anyway, I just felt like venting a little bit here since this was a rough day for me. Thank you all

[Outdoors Girl]

"I also have a very strong sexual connection with him, and I miss that  anyway, I just felt like venting a little bit here since this was a rough day for me. Thank you all"

I can't quote apparently.     Sorry!  I will figure it out!

This for me as well!  I explored this yesterday on the site.  The role of sex in dysfunctional relationships. It helped.

Today I explored Radical acceptance and it really helped! Have you found any of the material on Radical acceptance on the site?

Take care!  

[xyz-Girl]

"I also have a very strong sexual connection with him, and I miss that  anyway, I just felt like venting a little bit here since this was a rough day for me. Thank you all"

I can't quote apparently.     Sorry!  I will figure it out!

This for me as well!  I explored this yesterday on the site.  The role of sex in dysfunctional relationships. It helped.

Today I explored Radical acceptance and it really helped! Have you found any of the material on Radical acceptance on the site?

Take care!  

Outdoors girl,

No I have not read any. Do you have the links? I will browse Rn for that. I am on my week 1 of NC and I cannot stop thinking about him. I also have no way to know about him since I have blocked him but this connection, is it something special? Should I just let it be and forget? Idk, I guess I am confused and I am only remembering all the good things but none of the bad things about him. I miss him so much

[Pencil sketch]

Xyzgirl, I am having a horrendous day, been sobbing and sleeping.
I think, I am finally accepting who she was, or wasn't, and it's painful. I am not fighting the feelings, I am letting them flow through me, and I feel exhausted, but calmer.
It does feel, like an addiction, just one text, and I will feel better, that realisation, ironically, is what is keeping me away.
Hang in there, we can do this.

[xyz-Girl]

Xyzgirl, I am having a horrendous day, been sobbing and sleeping.
I think, I am finally accepting who she was, or wasn't, and it's painful. I am not fighting the feelings, I am letting them flow through me, and I feel exhausted, but calmer.
It does feel, like an addiction, just one text, and I will feel better, that realisation, ironically, is what is keeping me away.
Hang in there, we can do this.

I feel you Pencil, I am having a bad one myself too. I just had a breakdown bc of another stressor in my life. It is like anything else that comes up in my life that would give me stress really takes me over and i cannot longer control my emotions. I need to be alone and isolated so i can recover, otherwise i feel like I might rage or cry without control. I am just upset everything is going the way it is going, as you said, one text would make me feel better i know it, but for the last 3 weeks before initiating NC with him, our interactions were also painful to me, because he is so confusing. I feel that in order to start healing completely we need to go NC for awhile, otherwise we are prolonging the pain that eventually we have to face, the relationship is gone, the damage is too much and maybe later in life we could reconnect but now it would be just the same. Him and I need this space to figure stuff out, figure out what we need to do to feel happy and strong again without each other. To me, exposing myself to other dates is not good, makes me miss him even more, so i need a time for myself. Be strong yourself too! I am trying to read stuff to make aware of what i need to improve and get better for my own well being for now.

Good luck!

[Outdoors Girl]

I feel you Pencil, I am having a bad one myself too. I just had a breakdown bc of another stressor in my life. It is like anything else that comes up in my life that would give me stress really takes me over and i cannot longer control my emotions. I need to be alone and isolated so i can recover, otherwise i feel like I might rage or cry without control. I am just upset everything is going the way it is going, as you said, one text would make me feel better i know it, but for the last 3 weeks before initiating NC with him, our interactions were also painful to me, because he is so confusing. I feel that in order to start healing completely we need to go NC for awhile, otherwise we are prolonging the pain that eventually we have to face, the relationship is gone, the damage is too much and maybe later in life we could reconnect but now it would be just the same. Him and I need this space to figure stuff out, figure out what we need to do to feel happy and strong again without each other. To me, exposing myself to other dates is not good, makes me miss him even more, so i need a time for myself. Be strong yourself too! I am trying to read stuff to make aware of what i need to improve and get better for my own well being for now.

Good luck!

[Outdoors Girl]

Sorry, I had a reply all typed out and I lost it! 

xyz-girlI agree with everything you have said in this last post! I too need the clarity that comes with the distance and space.  I cannot continue to function in the relationship the way it was.  It was becoming so unhealthy for me that I was losing bits of myself in the end.  The last time I saw him was awful!  I will not compromise my values and go down that path.  I don't know where this new path will lead, but it's the only path I have right now.

I am new enough on the site that I don't know exactly how to find links to the articles I read.  Maybe one of the moderators can help?  The healing link on the right side of the page led to some really helpful information too.  I will be exploring the role of sexuality in this relationship and for myself too.  Just to make sure it's healthy.

Take care!

pencil sketch -I'm sorry you are having a bad day   I hope it gets better soon.  Is there anything you enjoy doing that might take your mind off it for awhile?

[Pencil sketch]

Xyzgirl, just knowing, someone else knows the pain and confusion this brings, is so comforting, all I hear is, 'she is a psycho, explain why you would want to contact her?'
I am too exhausted to offer an explanation.
She made her feelings abundantly clear, she wants me out of her life, not enough that she changed her number, but I get the gist.
I wish we could meet, just hug, and cry, we won't need words, I can't seem to find them right now.