Hello again, luvsnotenough:
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I have some things to add:
I do think that Diabetes plays a part somehow. Don't think it is related to blood sugar levels, but possibly. She doesn't eat right, hasn't ever since she was married. Only time she eats properly is when she is pregnant. Then she does eat properly. (what does that suggest?)
It suggets that she's only eaten properly three times in her adult life and that she did so out of regard for her growing babies, which is a responsible thing, for sure! When she not carrying a child, she just eats whatever she wants, which suggests a possible lack of regard/respect for her own wellbeing, I would think.
Some kind of eating disorder for sure. Which is another destructive energy that permeates the house. She does check blood sugar and is on the pump. I think this might be the source of some of the anger... .just tired of the daily battle and looking into the future at her mortality.
This makes sense, and anger or apathy is very common in Type I diabetics who are now adults because they've been at this game for decades. It does wear them thin. But, I am glad to hear that she has got an insulin pump to regulate her blood sugars. But, if she sits around and eats carbs all day long, then the pump just has to work harder to keep her blood sugar in check (unless the pump is set for a constant basal rate). Regardless, she probably doesn't feel very good most days if she's not eating right.
Lots of attention showered on D, from everyone especially since DX with Diabetes at 6. Center of our household. Just ask our other children... . ;-) Then SIL came along and showered her with attention, love, and they got married and things were good.
Yes. People afflicted with childhood disorders/illnesses tend to grow up to expect to always be showered with attention and to continue to be the center of the universe. When limits and boundaries are raised by their SO and family, only then do they start to protest the new order. Rage begins to trickle into their protests, and it can be very alienating to be around them. This whole dilemma is most likely magnified by the fact that, underneath it all, your daughter has BPD.
Is it telling that when she moved away to go to college, I felt relieved even though I missed her?
Yes, but these are perfectly normal feelings for a parent to feel after raising a sick child to adulthood. To that, I say, well done! Bravo!
She is also, 'the funny one', the caring one - the life of the party. Wicked smart and mouth to match. I'm just afraid for her, she is throwing away a pretty dang good family sitch, because she exhibits BPD.
That's the thing with people with BPD; they are so dang alluring and awesome in so many ways. But, they are also self-sabotaging, destructive, and selfish to the extreme. I hear your concern about her throwing a good family situation away. This may happen anyway, and I'm sure it's hard for you to watch it go down from the sidelines.
There is hope, my friend. But only if your daughter can recognize the destructive patterns of behavior that she's exhibiting and seek help in the form of DBT. Since she's been officially diagnosed, it's likely that she's aware of the problem, but she may not yet be ready to assume responsibility for it in order to seek the help she needs. If she's still responsive to your input, perhaps, in time, you can help her get the care that she needs.
So now she lives across the street from her family and the kids come back and forth 3.5 days a week. It's a nightmare.
I understand that this is an absolutely raw nightmare for you to watch day in and day out. And I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Is this also a nightmare for your daughter?
Keep writing, keep processing, keep learning - we will help you get through this.
-Speck
