relearning a sense of self in a BPD relationship.

[pbnjsandwich]

It's often the case that when you live with someone who has BPD, you are told things which create a distorted view of yourself. Over time, it's hard to know if you are thinking rationally about things.  How have you worked through that?

[Harri]

I finally started seeing the lies for what they were when I started therapy again about 7/2016.  There were no particular steps that were taken, it was simply a matter of trusting the perspective of my T and being willing to work through all the feelings I had that surrounded being lied to, dragged into my mother's delusions and manipulations and the intense anger I felt (and still feel) about it all. 

I still have to remind myself sometimes that I am not evil and I was not put on this earth to be a cautionary tale for everyone else. 

I guess the first step is being willing to take a leap of faith that things are not what you were told.

Are you in therapy?  Any particular belief you want to work through here?  We can all help you gain a new perspective.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi pbnjsandwich 

You've asked some great questions and pointed out what so many of us struggle with. Harri has given some great thoughts as well as shared from her own life the reality of the struggle. Know you're not alone in this. 

I often have to remind myself that I'm not defined by the words they say to me. All too often I have been defined, but each time I remind myself, it helps to counter the lies I've believed for far too long.

Is there one phrase/lie in particular that is a greater struggle for you to work through?

 
Wools

[pbnjsandwich]

I finally started seeing the lies for what they were when I started therapy again about 7/2016.  There were no particular steps that were taken, it was simply a matter of trusting the perspective of my T and being willing to work through all the feelings I had that surrounded being lied to, dragged into my mother's delusions and manipulations and the intense anger I felt (and still feel) about it all. 
Very cool that you did this for yourself.

I still have to remind myself sometimes that I am not evil and I was not put on this earth to be a cautionary tale for everyone else. 
 I really love this, not being, "a cautionary tale" I came to that same conclusion, but I refer to it as the other half of the story.

I guess the first step is being willing to take a leap of faith that things are not what you were told.
I couldn't agree more

Are you in therapy?  Any particular belief you want to work through here?  We can all help you gain a new perspective.

I'm not in therapy. I guess I should be. The wounds are deep, but I do know my own value. I use to get physically sick when I was around the BPD. They can be merciless.  The biggest issue is the shaming and the gaslighting.  That's been a huge issue for me .

[pbnjsandwich]

Hi pbnjsandwich 

You've asked some great questions and pointed out what so many of us struggle with. Harri has given some great thoughts as well as shared from her own life the reality of the struggle. Know you're not alone in this. 

I often have to remind myself that I'm not defined by the words they say to me. All too often I have been defined, but each time I remind myself, it helps to counter the lies I've believed for far too long.

Is there one phrase/lie in particular that is a greater struggle for you to work through?

 
Wools

Hi Wools
Lies they forget, which happens when they get caught lying.  That's one. The other is the gaslighting. My sister learned this from my father.  Also, can BPD run in the family? Can family pick up the traits of BPD?
Thanks Wools!