5 years later and here I am. Utter horror, fool me twice edition

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

It's been over 5 years since my first pwBPD and I parted ways for good. What a relief. It took me a very long time to heal those wounds, about 3-6 months. I vowed I'd never put myself through anything like that again.

Things improved greatly in the years to follow. Managed to give life to a new business and made some great investments. I had a longing to enter the dating world again, and I did. I had some success, but there was always doubt in my mind as to whether or not I truly cared for these women and wanted to be with them.

Then pwBPD #2 came along. All the intense feelings of connection came rushing back. I knew very early on what it was, but I couldn't resist her advances. She'd do anything to make me happy enough to convince me to see her as is typical when they deploy their love bomb protocol.

What really captivated me about this one was her honesty and ability to leave me with little doubt as to whether or not I was getting the truth. I was clear I didn't want an official relationship and she let me know that she didn't either, though she would make jokes suggesting otherwise from time to time. She was open about having sex with 2 others over the course of the few months we were involved, and I had returned the favor without issue. All was well. Something else that gave me a false sense of hope was the fact that unlike the first pwBPD, this one was able to consistently acknowledge that she likely had the disorder, or at least a disorder. Although, every once in a while she would still say things like "You want to put me into a box" ect.

The thoughts of how I knew this would end kept building and building as the signs became less and less subtle. She came over yesterday and I told her that I can't continue seeing her, as I was starting to lose control of my feelings towards her. I tried to be as gentle and comforting as possible. What a mistake. In the blink of an eye she was out of her seat and grabbing valuables from the desk I was sitting next to. She's hysterical and trying to steal my stuff. I grabbed her by the shirt and made it clear I wasn't going to just let were walk away. She responding by pushing me forcefully while dropping some of the stuff and trying to scramble away. I caught up to her and naively tried to pry my belongings out of her hands. Before I could react, she headbutted me. At this point my adrenaline was pumping to the max and I was determined to get her out of my house whilst keeping my money and things. So we ended up on the ground and I was eventually able to submit her, I was able to pry some of my stuff from her hands and let her up. Big mistake. Full rage attack. Truly, I was scared for my life. I just took the blows as I knew I would have to hit her with full force at this point to get her to stop. She left with some of my stuff and about 3 minutes later I get repeated phone calls. Eventually I pick up. "Give me $500 or I'm going to the cops and telling them you beat me." Unfortunately for me, this pwBPD bruises easier than anyone I've ever met. I hardly ever see her without some sort of bruise though she lacks a formal diagnoses for the phenomenon. Anyway, I set up voice recorders and had her come back to my house. I got most of what I would need to prove myself innocent. I listened to her berate me for about 2 hours for being the only one to "put my hands on her" until I was finally able to shuffle her out in a fairly calm state. She was trying to contact me as if nothing had happened just hours after she left. I blocked her on everything and she is still finding ways to contact me. Using a friend's facebook account was the most recent method.

I want to truly care for someone healthy. Perhaps I still haven't met the right one, but the only people I have ever felt I've "loved" have been pwBPD in the honeymoon phase.

Take this as a lesson. They don't change, it is too good to be true, and you will ALWAYS be screwing yourself when you let a pwBPD permeate your life in any capacity, unless you are truly emotionally guarded. But you're on this forum so you're not. Love you guys, and thank you for helping me get over my one of the worst times in my life 5 years ago.

[introvert]

It's been over 5 years since my first pwBPD and I parted ways for good. What a relief. It took me a very long time to heal those wounds, about 3-6 months. I vowed I'd never put myself through anything like that again.

Things improved greatly in the years to follow. Managed to give life to a new business and made some great investments. I had a longing to enter the dating world again, and I did. I had some success, but there was always doubt in my mind as to whether or not I truly cared for these women and wanted to be with them.

Then pwBPD #2 came along. All the intense feelings of connection came rushing back. I knew very early on what it was, but I couldn't resist her advances. She'd do anything to make me happy enough to convince me to see her as is typical when they deploy their love bomb protocol.

What really captivated me about this one was her honesty and ability to leave me with little doubt as to whether or not I was getting the truth. I was clear I didn't want an official relationship and she let me know that she didn't either, though she would make jokes suggesting otherwise from time to time. She was open about having sex with 2 others over the course of the few months we were involved, and I had returned the favor without issue. All was well. Something else that gave me a false sense of hope was the fact that unlike the first pwBPD, this one was able to consistently acknowledge that she likely had the disorder, or at least a disorder. Although, every once in a while she would still say things like "You want to put me into a box" ect.

The thoughts of how I knew this would end kept building and building as the signs became less and less subtle. She came over yesterday and I told her that I can't continue seeing her, as I was starting to lose control of my feelings towards her. I tried to be as gentle and comforting as possible. What a mistake. In the blink of an eye she was out of her seat and grabbing valuables from the desk I was sitting next to. She's hysterical and trying to steal my stuff. I grabbed her by the shirt and made it clear I wasn't going to just let were walk away. She responding by pushing me forcefully while dropping some of the stuff and trying to scramble away. I caught up to her and naively tried to pry my belongings out of her hands. Before I could react, she headbutted me. At this point my adrenaline was pumping to the max and I was determined to get her out of my house whilst keeping my money and things. So we ended up on the ground and I was eventually able to submit her, I was able to pry some of my stuff from her hands and let her up. Big mistake. Full rage attack. Truly, I was scared for my life. I just took the blows as I knew I would have to hit her with full force at this point to get her to stop. She left with some of my stuff and about 3 minutes later I get repeated phone calls. Eventually I pick up. "Give me $500 or I'm going to the cops and telling them you beat me." Unfortunately for me, this pwBPD bruises easier than anyone I've ever met. I hardly ever see her without some sort of bruise though she lacks a formal diagnoses for the phenomenon. Anyway, I set up voice recorders and had her come back to my house. I got most of what I would need to prove myself innocent. I listened to her berate me for about 2 hours for being the only one to "put my hands on her" until I was finally able to shuffle her out in a fairly calm state. She was trying to contact me as if nothing had happened just hours after she left. I blocked her on everything and she is still finding ways to contact me. Using a friend's facebook account was the most recent method.

I want to truly care for someone healthy. Perhaps I still haven't met the right one, but the only people I have ever felt I've "loved" have been pwBPD in the honeymoon phase.

Take this as a lesson. They don't change, it is too good to be true, and you will ALWAYS be screwing yourself when you let a pwBPD permeate your life in any capacity, unless you are truly emotionally guarded. But you're on this forum so you're not. Love you guys, and thank you for helping me get over my one of the worst times in my life 5 years ago.

[Jeffree]

Introvert,

Sorry that the second time wasn't the charm.

I, too, made a second pwBPD mistake and married mine.

It really is amazing the cunning sophistication with which they surgically remove us from our rational thoughts.

J

[heartandwhole]

Hi introvert,

Wow, you've been through the wringer. I'm sorry that you went through that again.

How do things stand now? Is she still threatening to go to the police?

heartandwhole

[Cromwell]

the explosive rage of pressing the abandonment button

youve been through all this before, It is good that despite you saying it was foolish to have another borderline relationship, you did it with a great deal of caution and not allowed it to get to deep.

should be easier to detach from both sides. as long as she realises that there is no chance of coming back she should likely lose interest.

I feel the only thing you did which I wouldnt, is to have let her come back to the house. she might have got it in her mind that she found a weakpoint with using the threat of the police as a tool of blackmail.

at least she cant really use that anymore, you have voice records and people who have just been attacked dont go back to the place.

hoping for you that she just fades away peacefully out your life.

[introvert]

Introvert,

Sorry that the second time wasn't the charm.

I, too, made a second pwBPD mistake and married mine.

It really is amazing the cunning sophistication with which they surgically remove us from our rational thoughts.

J

Yes, that irrationality you mentioned is a huge pull for me. It's not often you're presented with someone that truly defies your definition of a person. I crave a more complete understanding of their minds, but I'm fully aware of how difficult/impossible that would be to attain.

Hi introvert,

Wow, you've been through the wringer. I'm sorry that you went through that again.

How do things stand now? Is she still threatening to go to the police?

heartandwhole

I haven't heard from her or the police but she did make it clear that she told her mom (mostly enabler from what I've seen) her version of the events, so I'm still in fear that her or someone else she knows will attempt to take action. Haven't been contacted since yesterday which leaves me somewhat hopeful.

the explosive rage of pressing the abandonment button

youve been through all this before, It is good that despite you saying it was foolish to have another borderline relationship, you did it with a great deal of caution and not allowed it to get to deep.

should be easier to detach from both sides. as long as she realises that there is no chance of coming back she should likely lose interest.

I feel the only thing you did which I wouldnt, is to have let her come back to the house. she might have got it in her mind that she found a weakpoint with using the threat of the police as a tool of blackmail.

at least she cant really use that anymore, you have voice records and people who have just been attacked dont go back to the place.

hoping for you that she just fades away peacefully out your life.

Thank you for pointing out something positive, I've mostly just been beating myself up about it when I give it thought. You're right, I was much more guarded this time. Still hurt enough to be posting here, but this is nothing compared to my first BPD relationship where I fell hook, line, and sinker. That lesson prevented the true damage this time around. And honestly the only reason that was an effective defense this time is because all of the experiences I read here. Otherwise I may have been able to convince myself "This one's different enough, maybe I could give it a real try". No. Too many parallels between her and my ex and all of the stories I absorbed on this forum some time ago. Truly, knowledge is what prevented full scale internal destruction this time around.

[Cromwell]

Thank you for pointing out something positive, I've mostly just been beating myself up about it when I give it thought. You're right, I was much more guarded this time. Still hurt enough to be posting here, but this is nothing compared to my first BPD relationship where I fell hook, line, and sinker. That lesson prevented the true damage this time around. And honestly the only reason that was an effective defense this time is because all of the experiences I read here. Otherwise I may have been able to convince myself "This one's different enough, maybe I could give it a real try". No. Too many parallels between her and my ex and all of the stories I absorbed on this forum some time ago. Truly, knowledge is what prevented full scale internal destruction this time around.

One of the things that sort of jumps out to me reading these boards is not just that people have had a relationship with borderline once, which according to the way I read the statistics, only affects a very small percentage of society, but they have went on to come across them again.

This sort of makes me nervous in the sense that although I have had good relationships overall, there was a point in my life where i seemed to be a personality disorder magnet. It was not easy at all to (be allowed by them) to detach yourself until they decide. part of the objectification rather than respecting another persons wishes and boundaries.