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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: When it’s finally over ,reflections on what was the point  (Read 390 times)
Shawnlam
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« on: March 28, 2018, 06:06:14 AM »

I’m sure everyone here has wondered what the point is on the actions of people with BPD.Unlike other cluster B’s they actually do the opposite of what should be done in their condition (versus the other 3 cluster b’s).I think that is why it’s probably the hardest of all of these disorders to treat and understand.One would think that once they found someone who loved them (even after the love bombing mirror stage is over) they would do everything in their power to stay with said person. Histrionics require attention and do everything in their power to get it.Narcissit require control although fake on an image they project and also do everything in their power to keep it.Anti-social self explanatory .
Then comes the BPD ppl who will do anything to be loved and once they have it... .destroy it? It’s no wonder it’s the worst of all 4 clusters  just thought I’d post this to get it out of me... .it’s like I had to write it because when I say it my common sense kicks in saying ummm no that doesn’t make any sense.
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Mutt
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« Reply #1 on: March 28, 2018, 10:15:31 AM »

One would think that once they found someone who loved them (even after the love bombing mirror stage is over) they would do everything in their power to stay with said person.

I’d like to set BPD aside for a second and ask if it it were a non looking for rescue is that healthy?

I agree with you that it doesn’t make sense it’s a serious mental illness with distorted core beliefs that require help to change those distorted core beliefs. A Personality is a difficult thing to change.
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"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
Lucky Jim
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« Reply #2 on: March 28, 2018, 11:55:54 AM »

Excerpt
Then comes the BPD ppl who will do anything to be loved and once they have it... .destroy it? It’s no wonder it’s the worst of all 4 clusters  just thought I’d post this to get it out of me... .it’s like I had to write it because when I say it my common sense kicks in saying ummm no that doesn’t make any sense.

Hey Shawn, I agree w/you and Mutt: It doesn't make sense, except to a pwBPD, and those w/BPD are highly driven by impulses over which they have little control.  For example, those w/BPD fear abandonment, but will take steps to drive you away; they seek love, but behave in unloveable ways; they look for stability, but create chaos; etc.  It's all part of the paradox that is BPD.

LuckyJim
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    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
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« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2018, 12:24:18 PM »

To be honest with you I dont subscribe to many said descriptors and titles of their traits.

I believe them to be akin to criminals and emotional vampires.

As for their so called innocence of it all? Who cares if the end results are malicious w intent? Innocent? Nope CALCULATING and CONNIVING.  They could drive anyone to death and not bat an eye within a week.

How these ppl arent being locked up is beyond words. How they are allowed to procreate and pass on their disgusting genes is right up there too.

Their disgusting point is to disrupt your life and suck your love force. I think we need to start calling things for what they are get away from some of these terms that paint them innocent.  They are imo psychopaths.
 
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Cromwell
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« Reply #4 on: March 30, 2018, 10:54:05 AM »

they dont get to fully experience the love in the first place, so it isnt destroyed,

it was just never there in the first place.

not that they dont want it, the fear of it triggers deep core seated abandonment issues from early in life.

hard to get your head around if it isnt something youve been through yourself. whilst some might not have the best of experiences of feeling loved, they will have something to at least build up their own notion and concept and be willing to try to share with others.

none of that just doesnt happen with BPD at all.

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