Anyone here guardians raising grandchildren with BPD/npd spouse?

[Thea]

Worried sick over getting divorced but I gotta get out.

[Mutt]

How many kids? How old? Have you thought about getting full custody of the kids?

[Thea]

My BPD/NPD spouse and I have guardianship and I feel trapped because I dont really want to stir the bio parents' with going to court

[ForeverDad]

Let's see now... .You have to get out.  Okay based on that there are a few scenarios... .  While the peer support is excellent here, we're been there & done that, you will need some legal consultations in your area.  Don't fret over it, your questions and answers are confidential, you don't have to share the information with others, neither your spouse nor the children.  However, you have to do your part to keep the consultations confidential until you're ready to proceed.  That means when your spouse or others are "interrogating" you during rants and rages, you have every right to not divulge what you've learned.  Don't let any of the prospective lawyers mail anything to your home address, no receipts or card charges for spouse to discover, same for phone calls, only provide your private number.  The goal is to (1) discover where you stand in your state and area and (2) strategies to use in documenting and preparing for the best for the grandchildren.

• You use strategies and documentation to become the sole guardian.
• You and spouse remain co-guardians but you try to get Decision Making or Tie Breaker status to limit the squabbles over major decisions.
• Children get involved and who knows who gets guardianship... .hmm, would the children voice a preference for you to be the sole guardian?  I have doubts that you divorcing will give children basis to get custody back, I assume they lost custody for a reason and that reason is still an ongoing issue.

[Speck]

Dear Thea,

Thank you for sharing with us:

Worried sick over getting divorced but I gotta get out.

I understand, friend. My Final Judgement of Divorce just came in the mail today. It's bittersweet, and I'm on a razor's edge of both sad and relieved, but it had to happen.

What things are going on at home that is compelling you move toward divorce? If you don't feel like sharing, that's okay, but if you need to process your worry, then, this is the place.

Please let us know how best to support you.


-Speck