He says that I have to fix all that I have done to him or he can’t come home.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So I did try this today. He sent me a voice memo. Didn’t call, but he’s driving so he can’t text. He refuses to call. So the voice memo went something like: you know how much pain I’m in and you choose TODAY to try to regulate me? Well fine, you’ve pushed me into someone else’s arms because you choose not to be there for me.
And this triggered me. I was calm all day. Upset, didn’t get much work done, but calm. Until this. And then I saw my vision blurring on the edges and I felt my heart speed up and felt my breath get short.
Then he texted me that by forcing him to life this life, I took away his chance to become the person he was meant to be. That’s some powerful sh$&t right there! It sucks that he feels that way. Why do I want to be married to someone who believes ive done that to them? I don’t want that responsibility!

[5xFive]

So I did try this today. He sent me a voice memo. Didn’t call, but he’s driving so he can’t text. He refuses to call. So the voice memo went something like: you know how much pain I’m in and you choose TODAY to try to regulate me? Well fine, you’ve pushed me into someone else’s arms because you choose not to be there for me.
And this triggered me. I was calm all day. Upset, didn’t get much work done, but calm. Until this. And then I saw my vision blurring on the edges and I felt my heart speed up and felt my breath get short.
Then he texted me that by forcing him to life this life, I took away his chance to become the person he was meant to be. That’s some powerful sh$&t right there! It sucks that he feels that way. Why do I want to be married to someone who believes ive done that to them? I don’t want that responsibility!

[formflier]

 
So... .listen... .  

This is hard stuff... .

Your husband spews a bunch of bellicose nonsense... . 

Well... .I would be faithful to you... but you made me hop in someone else's arms... .
 

I would have keep my pants zipped up... .but YOU MADE ME... .unzip... and place it in the care of another woman... .

I mean... if it was up to me... I'd be a good guy... .but my actions are not up to me... .they are up to YOU.

Why on earth would you listen to such nonsense in the first place?  And then let such nonsense "trigger" you and ruin your day.

   

Sadly... .we understand that the reasons we buy into such bellicose nonsense is/can be different for each of us.  That is a bit of a separate journey to figure out why... .which will help us step away from this silly kind of relationship stuff.

Please take special care today to care for yourself... be extra kind to yourself.   Try to figure out what you can do in the short run to step away from this stuff he is spewing.  Give yourself space and kindness... .even if he won't

Once you realize and start living your life in such a way where he doesn't get a vote to deny yourself space from toxic stuff... .and he doesn't get a vote to deny yourself kindness... .I suspect he will start making changes... vice give you up

   

FF

[juju2]

Hi,

I second what ff.  says.

He is wise, smart, and on point.  What more can I say.

This community shows up huge.

j

[Radcliff]

5xFive,

Sorry to be slow here.  And I'm so sorry for what you had to listen to.  I understand that, even though we know in our head that what they are saying is ridiculous, it still hits us in the gut, makes our head spin, and makes our vision blur at the edges.  Doesn't matter how smart we are.  We have feelings.

You started in the middle of the story.  He was complaining that you tried to regulate him.  Tell us how it went down from the start.

We've got confidence in you!

WW

[Radcliff]

5xFive,

How are you doing these days?

WW