estrangement

[Shere Khan]

My 25 year old son has never been diagnosed. Although we did have problems with him as a teen I didnt suspect BPD until he was over 18. I think his biological father had it as well (he has passed away). Anyways, he had moved back home after being gone for a year. In that year ( I hate to say because I do love my son so much) my house was quiet and calm and my relationship with my husband was SO much better. Better because I wasn't constantly defending my son and doing "damage control". He found it too hard to live on his own because he owed a lot of money for a car accident and said he wanted to "go hard and pay it off". We did charge him room and board but it was reasonable. Looking back I should have said no but I Have always had a problem saying no to him. Guilt i suppose that I didnt give him the life I had intended when I had him. Well it didn't take him long to turn from being grateful to disrespectful, mostly to his stepdad. It came to a head 2 months ago. He told me he stopped smoking pot for 5 days. Then he told me things like he got off on feeling pain and wanted to beat people up because he wanted to "feel bones breaking beneath his hands". And "Killing is the most natural thing in the world. I asked him to take a day off work and come to the doctor with me and get a referral to a phsyichiatrist and maybe go on some mood stabalizing drugs. He told me no more drugs and if he is wired this way there is a reason for it and he's not covering it up any longer. He also said he's been in the fog too long and this finally feels f#^$*!% real. The next evening I was at work, my teen daughter was at a friends house and my husband was at home upstairs and my son was downstairs where I he had a bedroom, bathroom, sitting room and small kitchen no stove though I cooked his meals and put them in his mini fridge. Anyways he started texting my daughter and I weird messages to me about how he hates my husband and wants him dead and to my daughter about how he would kill for her and how he thinks her dad should die and how he wanted to strangle our puppy til his eyes popped out. When my shift was close to being done My husband called me and said you have to do something about your son. I was scared so I called the police and explained the situation and asked if they could arrest him under the mental health act. In retrospect I guess I shouldnt have done that. They beat him during the arrest (he resisted but they were OVERLY forceful) he spent the night in jail they took him to the hospital where he stayed overnight in the pysch ward then released him (short version, post is already way too long). He came home, got his stuff moved out with the girlfriend he keeps dumping and getting back with because he cant stand being alone and he hates me now and doesnt want to talk to me again and said I have lost him as a son.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[MusicDad]

I am so sorry you have been living in this nightmare.  Your son is angry and he has not come to a place in his life yet where he realizes treatment is necessary.  If he had headaches everyday it does not mean that he is simply "wired" this way and should learn to live with it.  Drink more water, get enough sleep, take some Tylenol, or make an appointment to see a doc are reasonable responses to constant headaches.  He does not have to give in to BPD behavior and thought process but he does need to acknowledge that what he is currently doing is not working and hopefully change his perspective to want and accept help.  I have prayed for you and your son as I often do when I read other's posts.  Take care of yourself.  Understand that you can't help someone that doesn't want your help.  I recently put into practice LESSON 2, "If your current approach is not working - change it."  Read through the lessons on the right, and know you are not alone.  I hope you find some peace in your life today. 

[Faith Spring]

Hi SHere, how frightening this is for you.  And to hear he was beaten on top of it all.  I'm so sorry, it's horrible  

I think you did the right thing by calling the police.  I've done it.  Still hearing about how that ruined her life.  Mental illness ruins lives, not calls for help.  

Well you're among friends here- I know how lonely of a ride this can be.