BPD taking over marriage

[Drive2live]

Hi,

This is my first time on this site. I am currently reading 'stop walking on eggshells' and I am sort of in shock. My husband's behavior started after we got married 7 months ago. I'm to the point where I gave up going to school, don't go out because I feel I am responsible for him, quit working to maintain a household because I don't get help at home, took up a delivery job so that I will not have a set schedule, been attacked and blamed by his family and his ex wife and kids. Now my husband seems to be blaming me for a pending court case where his ex wife is claiming they're married (divorced in 2011) and doesn't allow him to see his children. Now he's back in the hospital because he keeps getting angry at anything I say and running off threatening to hurt himself or never come back along with the constant lies and not taking responsibility for his actions or words. He's been doing this for months but only with me. Why me? He doesn't behave like this around other people. I thought this month would be different, I hoped it would because tomorrow is my birthday. My first birthday since we have been married and just like all of the other holidays, it's ruined. So why am I still with him? Because I remember the man I fell in love with. But I'm not so sure he's there anymore. And all of this stress is literally making me sick. I'm depressed and have anxiety attacks so now I take daily medication. It feels like it's all my fault and I'm not sure if us being together is such a good thing anymore.

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[pearlsw]

Hi Drive2Live,

Wow! That sounds like a lot pretty fast! How long were you together before getting married?

We’re here and want to help you get grounded again. 

I hear ya! Isn’t that an unfortunate fact that sometimes the person who should be treating us the best is treating us the worst - the worst of anyone in their life! I feel your pain there!

Oh, and I hear ya on that too - having many of my holidays/birthdays ruined. Let me wish you a happy birthday! Are you up for celebrating it anyway for yourself? What do you like and how can you give yourself something special for it?

warmly, pearl.

[Drive2live]

Yes. It certainly is a lot. We were only together for 9 Months before getting married. I was dumbfounded because it was out of the blue and after a few days of thinking, I said yes. But since I've had this ring on my finger, it's as though he doesn't try any more or I've become his punching bag (emotionally).

Thank you for the birthday wishes. I do want to celebrate so I contacted a few friends to ask them to go out. They said yes. These are friends I haven't been in contact with since I got married and I'm embarrassed to tell them what's going on.

I am trying to push myself to celebrate my birthday but I'm deeply hurt my husband will not be here, nor is he even speaking to me while he's in the hospital. It's The first time he hasn't spoken to me. I'm just trying to find a way to cope.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Drive2Live,

I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds hard. So your H is currently hospitalized?

For me one of the hard things about BPD is that my H doesn't act out too much (sometimes) in public. I'm the only one who sees his behavior.

I know it's hard to talk to friends about what is going on. Are they close enough friends that you can share some details or are they just sometimes friends that you don't really need to talk about it? Sometimes just talking about it out loud can help. At the same time, you want to be careful who you share with because you want to make sure they can be supportive of you.

Regardless of whether you share with them or not, I hope you enjoy your evening out. Just a thought, before you end the evening, to encourage you to go out with them again (even if your H is not in the hospital) set up a time to get together again.

[Drive2live]

Yes he is in the hospital but he will not talk to me or see me. I thought he'd make an exception since it's my birthday.

I can talk to these friends about it but they may not understand. Mental illness is so taboo. But I would like to make more plans with them.

I'm supposed to pick him up from the hospital tomorrow and bring him home as if nothing even happened. Which means I have to cancel my plans for tomorrow night.