What attention seeking stunt is she gonna pull next?

[bc-man]

Can't sleep. What's she gonna get up to next? What spanner is she gonna throw in the works next? What attention seeking stunt is she gonna pull next? What unnecessary stuff is she gonna buy next? How is she gonna seek revenge (that's what it feels like) next?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[CryWolf]

Hey bud, I can relate to you with sleepless nights and ruminating thoughts. The endles cycles of possible scenarios and tying to prepare yourself for every scenario in case it happens. It’s  like preparing a bunker for defcon 5 but there is multiple defcon stages and you need multiple bunkers. It’s  like asking yourself “am I getting post apocalyptic zombies, comet ball hitting earth, alien invasion, or castaway and I’m Tom Hanks”

These thoughts will get you nowhere sadly and I mean that with the most care. These thoughts will only hurt your psyche and keep you more on edge. It’s your mind being incredibly anxious and possibly trying to prepare for the “fight or flight”

What helps me when I have these thoughts, I take long and deep breathes. (Breathing exercises) I try to do wishful thinking and imagine a positive situation until I fall asleep. Also, if you can, download the “calm” app on you’re phone. THere is many free exercises to help you meditate, sleep or even practice against anxiety. Hope this helped.

[Just A Guy]

I can relate too. Not so much the sleeping part - it usually happens when I'm at work. I can't focus on my job, wondering what she's going to do next. But I get the idea.

I agree with Crywolf, though. You can't focus on it. Usually if I am in that state, it helps me to sort of touch base with her. If I am at work, I will just send her a message, unrelated to anything, and let her know that I'm thinking about her. Even if she is in the middle of a rage, and we haven't had contact, I will still do it. Completely separate from the rage. If we are in bed, and I can't sleep, I will just touch her lovingly, or tell her, "I love you. Even when we are fighting, I always love you." These points of contact when I feel so far away from her seem to help us both.

I often wonder if that isn't the real difference between a pwBPD and a non. Can you see that the anger and the anxiety and all the negative feelings separate you from the things that you love? Seeing that, are you capable of doing something counterintuitive, and control your emotions to help someone that may not have as much control as you do?