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Author Topic: Don’t even know where to start...  (Read 363 times)
Jersey Shore Gir
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
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« on: April 18, 2018, 02:07:02 PM »

My subject line says it all.  My 15 year old was diagnosed last year with BPD.  Now there is talk about bipolar too.  She just spent 12 weeks in an intensive hospitalization program for her severe depression and anxiety.  She is definitely doing better but still has the explosive moments~and mood swings.  The suicidal ideation is the worst part of all of it.  Hearing that she wants to die and she thinks I’m being selfish for keeping her alive ~is the most difficult part for me.
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
bluek9
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 257


we are full of color


« Reply #1 on: April 18, 2018, 05:33:37 PM »

  WELCOME Jersey Shore Gir,

                    you're right "where to start", well you made it here. So here is a good place to start. I agree with you it has to be heart breaking to her your daughter say she wants to die, and then blame you. Swimming through all the crap that goes along with BPD (depression, anxiety, no self worth) is tuff enough, then as parent we get the whammy of suicide. I cannot even pretend to imagine how that feels. I'm so blessed that my daughter never has experienced those feelings.
                 While you're here in this space look around check out the lessons. You will find many other parents here who can share with and encourage you. How are you doing? Do you have anyone to share with or talk to? Hope to hear from you again soon
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   H:healing, O:options, PE:positive encouragement
Merlot
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 347



« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2018, 06:58:34 PM »

Hi Jersey Shire Gir

Im so sorry to hear what both you and your daughter are going through. It is truely devastating to know that they experience so much pain and as a parent feeling powerless to change that.

Hopefully you can separate her comments about being selfish. There are some wonderful positive stories here of parents whose children have and continue to grow through BPD, and its due in large part to their commitment in loving their children. I can see that in you as you encourage her through treatment. Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Like Bluek9, I dont have direct experience with SI, but many parents here do and hopefully you can learn from each other in this regard.

I can recommend "Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder" by Shari Manning, especially in terms of SI.

Glad you came here to share with us and we can continue to support you on your jouney.

Merlot



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Speck
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced since Mar 2018
Posts: 611



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« Reply #3 on: April 19, 2018, 01:30:29 AM »

Welcome, Jersey Shore Gir!

Welcome

I would like to join both bluek9 and Merlot in welcoming you to the discussion forums. We are so glad you're here, although we're sorry for the circumstance(s) that brought you to our shores. Yes, this is a safe harbor. So, feel free to drop your anchor and be supported. That's what we do here.

Thank you for sharing with us what you have thus far:

The suicidal ideation is the worst part of all of it.  Hearing that she wants to die and she thinks I’m being selfish for keeping her alive ~is the most difficult part for me.

I am so sorry you are faced with this. That sounds truly terrifying. Even so, I just have to applaud you for being willing to continue to put forth effort into understanding your daughter. In my opinion, that's true love. This site is rather HUGE, however, there are many, many articles related to bettering your relationship with the angle of using healthy communication techniques, setting needed boundaries, and validating what is valid. You will find these articles in the right-handed panel on this board. We can help you with questions, point you in the direction of additional resources, or just be a sounding board.

I believe you will be greatly comforted by the support here and the fact that we really understand what you are going through. We've all been there to varying degrees. Take care of yourself. We will look out for future posts from you.

Keep writing, keep processing, keep learning!


-Speck
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Bright Day Mom
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 243


« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2018, 10:13:37 AM »

   I want to join the others in welcoming you and am sorry that it is under such circumstances.

I am a fellow Jersey girl and was in your position 3-1/2 yrs ago with my then 14 yr old daughter.  One of her friends she met in program completed and it nearly killed my daughter.  My girl also had constant thoughts of suicide and self harmed on a daily basis. I know all too well how difficult it is hearing they want to die; we pour our blood, sweat and tears into them and the disorder takes such a strong hold to them at times. 

It is encouraging that she is doing better, even though she has her mood swings / explosive moments. Hold on to that.  Is she on any mood stabilizer? 

I know all of this can be overwhelming, I recommend slow and steady; start reading the tools and lessons.  They truly do help in the day-to-day. 

I could go on and on, but want to know how are you?   Is there anything specific we can help with? If anything, we are all good sounding boards for we have walked similar paths and pass no judgment.

Hope you find brightness in your day.

Bright Day Mom
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Speck
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced since Mar 2018
Posts: 611



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« Reply #5 on: April 26, 2018, 03:07:55 PM »

Hello, Jersey Shore Gir:

How have you been doing since the last time you shared?

We're here if you need to talk.


-Speck
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1hope
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Posts: 121


« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2018, 08:14:54 AM »

Jersey shore,
You are not alone.  We have gone through all of this with our D19 too.  She has had several attempts, many other periods of SI, and many hospital stays.  It is so incredibly difficult to watch, especially when you feel helpless about what to do. 

I'm not sure what you have experienced with regards to hospitals, but we often did not feel heard/supported.  Once they saw her diagnosis, we were often turned away (despite her being suicidal with a plan).  We were told that she was manipulating us, that only 10% of people with BPD actually commit suicide. 

As a result, we changed our home.  We hid our keys (once she was going to start the car in the garage to attempt), we locked up all cleaning supplies, detergents, nail polish and remover... .anything toxic.  We locked up the knives and razors.  We were living in a lockdown situation, which was awful! 

When she was suicidal, we would go on "watch"... .she would sleep with me, and my husband would sleep downstairs so he could hear if she came down, trying to leave. 

We were constantly watching her, even during calm times, looking for signs she was "spiralling ".  Then, she suddenly (without warning) moved out this fall.  She has been living in a student apartment complex.  Her last hospital stay was in October, when she became overwhelmed because she didn't pay her rent, had no plan, no money etc. 

This has been a journey... .and we're still on it.  By coming on this site we have learned techniques to support her better.  We have changed ourselves, and the way we deal with things with her.  We are making progress.  It is by no means "fixed", but she has come a long way.  She is learning to self-soothe.   She talks to me almost daily.  I listen, and I use SET (read about it at the right side of this page). 

Hang in thee, and come back here lots to vent, ask questions, and learn.  It has helped me so much!  You are not alone!

1hope
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