She bit her roommate's face

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Today is my birthday. A year ago today my daughter was arrested for trying to strangle her biological mother. Last night her newish roommate was yelling at her and saying cruel things and she bit his nose pretty badly and then started punching him and ripping out his hair.

I think she has fully realized the extent of her issues. She was talking about how it's insane that people can make her feel that out of control. I talked to her about doing an intensive outpatient dbt program in my city (she currently lives an hour away but her lease is up in a month) that's specifically for healing from trauma. She says she wants to do it. We've been trying to convince her to move into a month to month apt in our city that's way cheaper than her current one and she was very resistant but today she said that despite wanting to move to another state she knows she wont' be emotionally stable enough to do that for a long time.

Having her 10 minutes away will make it much easier to see her more regularly. We don't want to do things for her, but we do want to spend more quality time with her. As busy as we are driving an hour to and from seeing her is just not realistic most weeks. But if she lives in town I can go pick her up when I have a spare hour and take her for tea or something. Or coach her through working on a job application.

I'm trying not to be too stressed out because 1) she's making insightful comments about herself and the help she needs and 2) i have to work on a take home final for my master's degree today.

We are going up to go to dinner with her tonight for my birthday. She has said a couple of times she doesn't want to talk about her craziness on my bday and just wants to enjoy time with us. I really appreciate that she's thinking like that. She is definitely trying.

Feeling a little hopeful but trying not to get my hopes up too much. Whenever she talks about treatment my gut reaction is getting way too excited and then being crushed when she doesn't follow through. But even her just being closer to us will be a plus. And she is not trying to run away like she usually does, so that is progress.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bluek9]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ! HB,

               I do hope you can have a good day and a nice dinner with your daughter tonight. I realize the craziness in what she does when he acts out but, I also see a shimmering jewel in honesty about owning what she has done, after the fact. I never get that with my daughter. I also agree with you that her being closer would be so much easier on you.
        Congrats for all the hard work you're doing in your education too. Wow working on a masters, that takes moxy. Fortunately for me I was back in college while my kids were in Jr. high. I'm with you, hang to that hopefulness, we need what we can get.    have a great day blessings to you HB

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Thank you so much, Bluek9  

I really needed that. I'm glad you can see some hope too. Your kind words mean so much to me.

It's hard knowing your kid probably should be arrested but hoping she's not. It takes her a lot to get that angry these days and he was saying some unforgivable things. That doesn't at all justify what she did but I understand why she reacted that way.

I think she would thrive with treatment, she is so smart and really insightful. I hope this works out.

[wendydarling]

Happy Birthday HB     I hope you have a wonderful day, you surely deserve it and it's great to hear your DD is thinking of you, it's your day and she just wants to enjoy the time together this evening.

As bluek9 says there is a shimmering jewel, reflecting on her behaviour, she's making insightful comments and about what she needs to help herself, rather than what she needs you to do as parent. That's a neat plan to move to your city, you've offered her ideas that are manageable for her right now and she acknowledges she's not emotionally stable to pursue her out of state plans. You're doing great HB, she knows you understand and that means a lot, there is hope, she's trying.

Good luck with your finals!  

Small steps  

WDx

[Daisy123]

Happy Birthday Hyacinth!
And, good luck on your final. Lastly- wow! Your daughter has the wherewithal to consider more treatment. Talk about life lessons and natural consequences, whew. It seems mature of your DDs request to just enjoy your birthday. Okay that makes 4 great steps forward. Wishing you and your family a wonderful evening celebrating your birthday.