5 months between heaven and hell

[magnolio]

Hello,

I'm new to this forum and to this disorder. I've been dating this amazing woman for 5 months we are both 29. We started our relationship very fast and everything was perfect, I guess we were on our honeymoon phase.

But even for the beginning she started to break up with me every week or trying anyway, and getting mad over small things, the worst part of it is when she sais that she wants to spend the rest o her life with me and the next moment I'm not the right guy for her.

And she throws to my face that the minute we break up she will start dating other man because she can't be alone.

Recently it got worst, I got her facebook password and revised al her conversations (which I shouldn't). I fond out tha she lied to me about her past and the beginning of our relationship. Even so I still thrust her and I know that she never cheated and never will.

The problem is that she thinks that what I've done is unforgettable and was the worst break up, she said horrible thigs to me but after one day we startet to talk and after 2 days we were together again and she said that will forgive me, and our relationship started better than before.

The problem is that now an then out of nothing she starts attacking me and saying that what I have done was unforgivable and she can't be with me because I ruined our relationship, and with all of that she has thoughts of suicide.

She always wants to find meaning to life and that since she finds any there is no worth living. This downs happen when are happy together and without any trigger she starts pointing all those mistakes I've done, even before the facebook thing she allways would bring things that I've said.

She always dreaming big and I'm afraid that she starts to think that I'm not good enough for her and start to date other men. This happened on the past she gets bored and and the relationships, but inside there is hope because I believe her when she say that she love me more than she loved anyone and the other relationships were meaningless.

Sometimes I think that we will never be completely happy due to this changes In humor.

For those who are more experienced please tel me if there is gonna be better or will be this struggle for the rest of our lives.

Please leave your comments I'm open to all criticize.

Thank you

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[juju2]

Welcome 

You found us, that's the best thing.

There is a lot to learn here.  Post, read, learn here, at your pace.

Is your g/f diagnosed BPD

Let us know more about what you are dealing with.

There is support, healing and hope here.

j

[RolandOfEld]

Hi magnolio, joining juju2 in welcoming you here. I will echo juju in suggesting you get started learning more about BPD with the resources here. And posting on other threads is a great way to gain context and start building a support community.

It sounds like you want to have a long term relationship with this person. While I can't confirm if your partner has BPD, I can say from experience that BPD behaviors tend to operate on a cycle. I've had similar breaches of trust with my wife that usually start with a sudden threat of divorce or her dating other men, then within a day or so cycles back into normal interaction and discussions of where we should retire to. I don't take the break up threats seriously anymore but focus more on detaching from the chaos she creates. The point is that a pwBPD (person with BPD) tends to plan their lives from emotion to emotion.

29 is a great age to be. I got married at 29. What kind of future do you hope for with the two of you and have you discussed it yet?

~ROE

[magnolio]

Hello I didn't had much time to write but will try to pos more often since it helps to clear mi mind while I write it, and knowind that the person reading this has strugled with situations similar to mine. 
As usual she broke up with me  one more time. This time was because my cooworker. She gets extremely jealous and because she heard her laugh behind, triggered a huge discussion. After 3 hour of conversetaion everything went normal. She keeps saying tha wants to get married an have children but yesterday out of nowhere she said that children is not for her and don't want them, and today she sayd that is not ready to get married when some times she says is everything that she wants. She knows that marriage and children are important to me and I think she picks on those topics just to start a drama. This usualy goes on weekend when she has more free time and gets borred. I stopped believing her because I know she changes her mind every minute but the uncertainty is killing me, makes me fear the future.

Thank you