Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 08:04:35 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Our abuse recovery guide
Survivor to Thriver | Free download.
221
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Started no contact with mom 1 month ago  (Read 430 times)
Wimp
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 1


« on: April 23, 2018, 06:37:44 AM »

Hello
I am new to this.  My mother has BPD and I have enabled her behavior for fifty years.  I can't do it anymore.  I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, chronic anxiety, and complex PTSD.  I started no contact a month ago.  I just need to talk to others who have experienced a similar situation.
Logged
Panda39
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Relationship status: SO and I have been together 9 years and have just moved in together this summer.
Posts: 3462



« Reply #1 on: April 23, 2018, 11:59:31 AM »

Hi Wimp (going NC with a BPD mother is not wimpy!)

It definitely sounds like the stress due to the relationship with your mom is taking a toll.  Good for you to make your health a priority. 

My SO's daughter has been diagnosed with PTSD in part due to her uBPDmom.

How has your first month been?  How are you feeling?

I'm glad you decided to jump in and post we are all here to help support each other. 

Keep us posted on how you are doing and how we can help.

Panda39
Logged

"Have you ever looked fear in the face and just said, I just don't care" -Pink
Harri
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 5981



« Reply #2 on: April 23, 2018, 07:14:17 PM »

Hello and welcome.  When you feel ready, do share some more of your story with us.  In the meantime, I hope you feel comfortable reading, learning and maybe posting to other people threads.  You will get a lot of support and validation from everyone here.  We have lots of people who have gone no contact with their BPD parent so you are definitely not alone.

Take care.
Logged

  "What is to give light must endure burning." ~Viktor Frankl
Speck
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced since Mar 2018
Posts: 611



WWW
« Reply #3 on: April 23, 2018, 09:04:26 PM »

Welcome, Wimp!

Welcome

Let me join Panda39 and Harri in welcoming you to the discussion forums. You will see from reading the posts here that you are far from alone.

Thank you for sharing with us what you have thus far:

My mother has BPD and I have enabled her behavior for fifty years.  I can't do it anymore.

Please feel free to post - tell us more about what is going on your life and what, if any, plans you might have for the future. We look forward to hearing more from you.

Keep writing, keep processing, keep learning!


-Speck
Logged
cedarview

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 45


« Reply #4 on: April 24, 2018, 12:41:37 PM »

Hi Wimp,

My uBPD mother's behavior motivated my wife and I to go NC for the month of January so that we could get ourselves and our own family a bit more healthy and well adjusted. After the month, we offered / requested a meeting with my parents so we could discuss moving forward, but that was met with dismissive and rude e-mails from my mother and so that was put on hold. We have currently been getting the silent treatment (and therefore remain NC) for the last few months.

I think it is important to keep in mind that you will continue to go through cycles and ups and downs even if you are not in communication with your mother. There are times I feel relief and it crosses my mind that I haven't spoken to my mother in months, and I literally hope that I never hear from her again. There are other times when thinking about how long it has been makes me feel guilty, and I worry about my parent's health problems, and that I am a crummy son. It helps me to remember that it was my parents who chose to stay NC, and that the ball is in their court. I have said that a lot lately, and you read it on t his board too; "The ball is in their court". Once you have offered to behave as an adult if your parent will do the same and agree to some ground rules, you have done MORE than your part as the abused child of BPD. After that, it's up to them.

The people here on the board are great. Even when I don't post I visit every day. I wish you the best on your journey with your mother. Recovery is not always a straight line!
Logged
Mariez

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 29


« Reply #5 on: April 25, 2018, 09:08:44 AM »

Hi, Wimp - welcome.  I think you will find this board is so helpful and cathartic for what you have been dealing with your mom. I have a BPD mother as well.   I am sorry to hear about your physical conditions, but it sounds like you are ready to start taking care of yourself.  Give yourself credit for making that decision, it is a conscious one.  We look forward to hearing more of your story if you decide to share.
Logged
Brkfst@Tiffanys

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 15



« Reply #6 on: April 26, 2018, 04:33:16 AM »

Hello! So, so glad you found the forum. Such an incredible place.

I went NC with my mom in February. She's not invited to my wedding later this year.

Just remember that you are allowed to have boundaries, and if someone shows repeatedly that they can't respect them, it's ok not to invite them into your life anymore. Doesn't matter whether it's a stranger or a friend or a parent. I read something online that said something like, "the only people who will be upset about you setting boundaries are those who benefit from you not having any." I though that was very helpful to keep in mind.

Happy to chat if you want to speak to someone has also gone NC with mom.


Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!