Started no contact with mom 1 month ago

[Wimp]

Hello
I am new to this.  My mother has BPD and I have enabled her behavior for fifty years.  I can't do it anymore.  I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, chronic anxiety, and complex PTSD.  I started no contact a month ago.  I just need to talk to others who have experienced a similar situation.

[Panda39]

Hi Wimp (going NC with a BPD mother is not wimpy!)

It definitely sounds like the stress due to the relationship with your mom is taking a toll.  Good for you to make your health a priority. 

My SO's daughter has been diagnosed with PTSD in part due to her uBPDmom.

How has your first month been?  How are you feeling?

I'm glad you decided to jump in and post we are all here to help support each other. 

Keep us posted on how you are doing and how we can help.

Panda39

[Harri]

Hello and welcome.  When you feel ready, do share some more of your story with us.  In the meantime, I hope you feel comfortable reading, learning and maybe posting to other people threads.  You will get a lot of support and validation from everyone here.  We have lots of people who have gone no contact with their BPD parent so you are definitely not alone.

Take care.

[Speck]

Welcome, Wimp!



Let me join Panda39 and Harri in welcoming you to the discussion forums. You will see from reading the posts here that you are far from alone.

Thank you for sharing with us what you have thus far:

My mother has BPD and I have enabled her behavior for fifty years.  I can't do it anymore.

Please feel free to post - tell us more about what is going on your life and what, if any, plans you might have for the future. We look forward to hearing more from you.

Keep writing, keep processing, keep learning!


-Speck

[cedarview]

Hi Wimp,

My uBPD mother's behavior motivated my wife and I to go NC for the month of January so that we could get ourselves and our own family a bit more healthy and well adjusted. After the month, we offered / requested a meeting with my parents so we could discuss moving forward, but that was met with dismissive and rude e-mails from my mother and so that was put on hold. We have currently been getting the silent treatment (and therefore remain NC) for the last few months.

I think it is important to keep in mind that you will continue to go through cycles and ups and downs even if you are not in communication with your mother. There are times I feel relief and it crosses my mind that I haven't spoken to my mother in months, and I literally hope that I never hear from her again. There are other times when thinking about how long it has been makes me feel guilty, and I worry about my parent's health problems, and that I am a crummy son. It helps me to remember that it was my parents who chose to stay NC, and that the ball is in their court. I have said that a lot lately, and you read it on t his board too; "The ball is in their court". Once you have offered to behave as an adult if your parent will do the same and agree to some ground rules, you have done MORE than your part as the abused child of BPD. After that, it's up to them.

The people here on the board are great. Even when I don't post I visit every day. I wish you the best on your journey with your mother. Recovery is not always a straight line!

[Mariez]

Hi, Wimp - welcome.  I think you will find this board is so helpful and cathartic for what you have been dealing with your mom. I have a BPD mother as well.   I am sorry to hear about your physical conditions, but it sounds like you are ready to start taking care of yourself.  Give yourself credit for making that decision, it is a conscious one.  We look forward to hearing more of your story if you decide to share.

[Brkfst@Tiffanys]

Hello! So, so glad you found the forum. Such an incredible place.

I went NC with my mom in February. She's not invited to my wedding later this year.

Just remember that you are allowed to have boundaries, and if someone shows repeatedly that they can't respect them, it's ok not to invite them into your life anymore. Doesn't matter whether it's a stranger or a friend or a parent. I read something online that said something like, "the only people who will be upset about you setting boundaries are those who benefit from you not having any." I though that was very helpful to keep in mind.

Happy to chat if you want to speak to someone has also gone NC with mom.