I have a extremely difficult time talking to my BPDbf about situations

[Mrb87]

I have a extremely difficult time talking to my BPDbf about situations. Anytime a situation occurs we can never get to the bottom of it. He always runs, ends the conversation by saying" what did u eat today or wyd", acts distracted or fakes an extreme emergency to get out of it or literally runs away from me( and not in a funny cute way) like speed walks in silence. This happens without fail every time. I end up just saying out loud " well probably never talk about this right". I cant be an adult with him . Does anybody else face this problem?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

can you give us some examples of the things youre confronting your partner about and how you go about it?

[Mutt]

Hi Mrb87,

I’d like to ask the same question as once removed what topics do you bring up for discussion?

[Mrb87]

Topics  such as... .

1. His cheating (what's the reason for it)
2. When he brings up his family problems (but is scared to talk about how to solve it after complains about is)
3. His lying (why is he doing it when he already know i know the truth but he'll still go fully through with it then when confronted he gets quiet)
4. He would stir up a fight out of know where. LIKE COMPLETELY OUT OF THE BLUE "bipolar mood" be extremely rude after a good laughing moment between us. Then i ask what was that for. then he'll respond with " i dont wanna talk about it" , "hows was your day","what are you eating" or say whats happens in a movie thats he watching. Like the switches that  he makes wont even match whats happening at the moment.

One time we were in a store and he told me about a situation with someone he didn't like and they touched him in a inappropriate sexual way. i know he was lying about his reaction to the situation. but as he told me out of the blue. so many things distracted him. He couldn't make eye contact, he would remembered things from his errands list that popped in his brain, he speed walk/jogged through a grocery store as he was in the middle of the story (and we were in no rush). When he was done telling the story i was so lost. I asked him some questions but he began acting distracted again and this happens anytime there is something funky going on. we could be laying in his house or i would be driving the car and he would react the same.

[once removed]

1. His cheating (what's the reason for it)

can you tell us more about this? youre saying he cheated, right? how long ago was this, and is it ongoing?

2. When he brings up his family problems (but is scared to talk about how to solve it after complains about is)

more than likely, he just wants to talk, to vent. just listen. if hes not asking for advice, dont give it.

3. His lying (why is he doing it when he already know i know the truth but he'll still go fully through with it then when confronted he gets quiet)

what kind of lying, and about what?

the thing about lying is that the person doing it is already avoiding the truth. trying to press them further wont tend to get you anywhere but frustrated.

4. He would stir up a fight out of know where. LIKE COMPLETELY OUT OF THE BLUE "bipolar mood" be extremely rude after a good laughing moment between us. Then i ask what was that for. then he'll respond with " i dont wanna talk about it" , "hows was your day","what are you eating" or say whats happens in a movie thats he watching. Like the switches that  he makes wont even match whats happening at the moment.

without more to go on, i suspect he realizes what he said was uncalled for and out of place, and wants to move past it. how do you feel about that?

[Mrb87]

the cheating happened the first 2 years of us dating off and on (this is yr 3). Hes done everything u can image. And a the same time call me a cheater and his ex a cheater as while (his ex left him because he couldn't remain faithful). I fell for his lies about the ex thinking he wanted a monogamous relationship like i did but i was being tricked. Hes on his last strike with me and he is clear with my boundaries. The cheating could still be happening but i'm more focused on myself and if i do catch it im out without a goodbye. We are not sexually active so that helps me not be too attached to him. When he brings up family drama. he vents about the problem and complains and towards the end he'll say see look i try and all this keeps happening to me. "it only happens to me what can i do about it? i don't ask for it". The drama he describes is how hes holding in a secret hate in hes hiding against his family( so he get very rude with them then when they pull back from him he wants to be nice a innocent) or how hes purposely doing things wrong at work to prove how stupid his boss is and how stupid his co workers are. He'll go into a job tearing it down because he feels he has no skills and everyone can see how uneducation he is. Then he gets into fights with his family because he doesnt feel like a useful member of the family. I try alllllllll the time to encourage him.

Besides lying about cheating and his ex. He's lied to me about where he was. He is having extreme money problems because he continues to get fired from him job but he still goes on vacation. I dont care what he does with his money. i told him he is a grown man and i am not Donald Trump.one weekend he was texting me that hes hanging out at his aunt and cousins house like he usually does and how hot it was, hes getting a sun burn and he wait for her to cook and  him and his cousins are head out at night to go to a bar later. So he has a secret google account he thinks i dont know about where he posts pictures and comments. Soo it turns out he took a plan to South beach miami florida, in a high rise hotel and was chillin on the beach ( which he said he didnt like) he actually said he hated florida because his ex was from there. It was strange for him to say all this and put me in alert mood becasue it was cloudy and cold out side and he was being very nice to me.