Good girl

[Croker]

My ex was obsessed with being seen as "A good girl" at all times.
If she suggested anything non-vanilla in the bedroom dept then it was quickly made clear that it had actually been my suggestion.

At the time I just thought it was just a bit of a kinky submissive thing, but if I questioned it or wanted to chat about it she would get angry really quickly and deny she had thought of anything. It was one of the first red flags I noticed (and ignored obviously)

Has anyone else experienced this?

[Wicker Man]

From my limited experience with an undiagnosed BPD lover I do not feel there is an adequate answer to your question.  My lover seems to lack a firm inner sense of self, she was very likely a very different human being during her time with me that she had been with others. 

She told lies of both commission and omission which, I believe, were attempts to make our relationship more real -whether this was in an attempt me make it more real for me or herself I will never know.  There was constant hyperbole -Always, never, first, best and so on.

She told me I was the first lover she felt safe enough with to actually express her desire -This may or may not have been true and it is irrelevant.

She called me her monster and I called her my small devil -I know what we shared was real for her in the moment and I think she believed in her heart the 'truths' she shared in those moments -but I will never know an objective truth, I don't think there is one.

She is a human being and not simply a condition. Although I believe she suffers from BPD, she is unique.  By this I mean -I do not believe one can generalize. 

Was my lover a 'good girl'?  I would say it would depend on who she was with and her state of mind.

I try not to dwell on trying to figure out an objective truth  -she is a leaf blown in the emotional maelstrom... .This is her life.


Wicker Man

[I_Am_The_Fire]

I don't have a lot of information to go on here. I'm going to make some guesses based on my experiences. I'm a woman. I'm not BPD. I've been in abusive relationships my entire life until now. I have had a lot of insights from years of therapy.

I grew up in a very strict religious household. Anything remotely related to sex was taboo. My parents didn't want to talk about it with me or even about menstrual cycles and such. The message I received growing up was that sex was bad and shameful. Anything of any sexual nature was bad. Good girls don't do this, that, or the other thing. So I grew up thinking that any sexual desire on my part was sinful and I'd go to hell. I had a hell of a time with that for years. It really did a number on me.

Thankfully I'm with someone safe now who I feel I can be myself with and I've learned that my desires are completely natural, appreciated, and accepted. Therapy helps me quite a bit as well.

So I'm going to guess she may have had a similar past to mine. It may or may not be related to BPD, IMO. It sounds to me that she may feel internal shame for having these types of desires which could be why she's denying it.