Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
December 23, 2024, 03:42:35 AM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Experts share their discoveries
[video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
Things haven't changed with the new guy.
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Things haven't changed with the new guy. (Read 402 times)
AustenJ
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 212
Things haven't changed with the new guy.
«
on:
May 14, 2018, 10:05:21 AM »
Stop me if you have heard this one... .two guys walk into a bar. One guy goes into the restroom leaving the other guy to sip his beer at a table... .when guy comes out of the restroom, guy sipping his beer is sitting with my BPDexgf and her soon-to-be fiance. I'm thinking, "why didn't my buddy text me while I was in bathroom?" And of course, I left my phone on the table. Duh.
I introduce myself (of course, he knows who I am) and actually have a relatively nice discussion with her boyfriend. My buddy and I and my ex all work together; my buddy who knows our past history and is recently divorced spends his time chatting up my ex (wanting to get in on some of her impulsive, reckless sex) while
I'm stuck talking to her boyfriend who is oblivious to her flirting with my friend and her shooting me goo goo eyes the more she drinks.
Like most of her exes (dozens) he's a nice guy. He's balding, soft, and stutters. Totally not what I expected. She's a former triathlete and high school/college track star... .all of her exes have been fit up to this point, so a physical departure for her who places so much stock into what she looks like and who's she with. In fact, she had a girlfriend bestie who was slated to be the maid of honor in her wedding to this guy who commented to my ex that her 33 year-old boyfriend had a "dad" body. I'm sure she also commented on his baldness and stutter too... .needless to say, she is no longer in the wedding, not getting invited to the wedding, has been ostracized by his friends and hasn't been heard from since.
When the boyfriend got up to go to the restroom, she put her hand on my inner thigh, which I quickly removed as i noticed my buddy stroking her thigh under the table. I asked her why she was still waiting on the engagement ring that was promised 6 months ago; she was candid in saying that she has to get into counseling first before she gets the ring... .so there it is. Things haven't changed with the new guy. He can't fix her either. She still cuts, drinks to blackout, rages, purges and cheats. And she will drop out of counseling... .again.
I enjoyed talking to her boyfriend. He's truly a nice guy... .just like me... .and most of her other exes. Will she ever get that engagement ring? Will she ever move with him to his new job? I still hope for her happiness; and I pray that she actually moves out of state with him like she plans; it will make things so much easier for me not having to see her every day and having my colleagues and friends trying to screw her.
I can still have compassion towards her boyfriend and even her as long as that compassion does not pull me back into any type of relationship with her. And I know her current relationship most likely will end in a train wreck also. He has much more invested in their relationship than I did, so it will be really painful for him. I have no worries resisting her when she tries to recycle me. She's broken, and she she breaks other people. I actually see her boyfriend being the one that ultimately reaches out to me... .after the train wreck.
Logged
Lucky Jim
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 6211
Re: Two guys walk into a bar...closure or something else?
«
Reply #1 on:
May 14, 2018, 11:35:29 AM »
Sad stuff, AustenJ. In my view, there's nothing you can do to prevent the train wreck. It seems like you have disengaged in a healthy way, which enables you to see what's really going on. Suggest you keep removing her hand from your thigh!
LuckyJim
Logged
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
gotbushels
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1586
Re: Two guys walk into a bar...closure or something else?
«
Reply #2 on:
May 15, 2018, 07:29:22 AM »
Thanks for the entertaining read
AustenJ
Quote from: AustenJ on May 14, 2018, 10:05:21 AM
I have no worries resisting her when she tries to recycle me.
Yes. Good on you.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
Things haven't changed with the new guy.
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...