Hi there,
DectiveMom, and welcome
You are right when you say
"we have a common emotional sadness" here. We are Moms (and Dads) and nature has us loving our children but the sadness comes when they don't love us back the way we would want.
Can't agree with you, though, when you write... .
"a mother can only be as happy as her least happiest child... ." That belief sets you up for a pre-paid roller-coaster ride through life. Your happiness should be in YOUR control... .never someone else's. That is not to say we ever stop wanting to fix things for our children but we have to know our limits. When they were learning to walk, part of the learning process was letting them fall then having them figure out how to get up.
It is encouraging to read that your daughter is in DBT therapy. Not so good to read what is happening now, though. Being cut out of the life of your daughter is one hurtful thing, but to be cut out of the lives of your precious grandchildren is quite another. I speak from experience. I, too, have been accused of doing things I haven't done. Hard to fight accusations, for sure!
DejectiveMom, you certainly have come to the right place to get support as you trudge through these difficult, hurtful times. It might be that you will have to step back for a bit as you do your homework. See to the right
"Lesson 2... .If your current approach is not working - change it."
Have you, yourself, ever gone to counselling to help you deal with your daughter's behaviour?
So, once again, welcome
DejectiveMom. Life really can get better as you will see by reading some of the posts of others. We really do learn from each other here. What you write is read by others and can be of a great help in their similar journeys.
Huat