UBPD mother makes me physically sick

[Nopuppets]

After having a recent encounter with a borderline family member, does anyone become physically sick?  Addressing being raised by a uBPD mother recently has triggered many migraines and has made me super tired.  Any advice would be appreciated.  Thank you.

[Turkish]

I used to get something like panic attacks at work while I had to live with my uBPDx for 4 months while she was conducting another relationship while living with me and our baby and sin just past toddler stage.

Once time I remember crying at work alone in the chemical lab (not the best place to do so working with rocket fuel oxidizer,  among other things) while dealing with my BPD mother living with us. 

How are you dealing with this? I went back to my therapist,  which helped me see things in perspective. 

[Amethyste]

I've had eczema since living with my uBPD mother alone. It is covering 50% of my body now and is getting worse ans worse.
Never had health issues before. But living alone with her has been very difficult and has affected me so much. I suspect I have ptsd as I can't stand too much noise/light Im always on my guards. I over react to any stimulus. I can not function properly anymore. I'm only 27 so it's very difficult for me as I was not like that a few years ago.

[Nopuppets]

It is good to know I’m not alone.  Although, I wish none of you had to go through this.  Today has been a better day.  I tried to take a mental break from thinking about my mother.  That did help me.  I’m also fortunate I don’t live with her.  She tried calling today and I didn’t answer.  I’m not sure when I will return her call and I’m feeling ok taking my time now which is progress.

My therapist has helped immensely.  I would highly recommend therapy!  Turkish, I remember one Christmas Eve right out of college my mother called me at work.  She blasted me for not coming that day, I was there on Christmas Day.  I sat sobbing at my desk.  I’ll never forget it.

Amethyste, I know stress can bring on eczema.  I’m sorry to hear you dealing with that.  Maybe you could move in with a friend?  I really can’t imagine having to live in the same house with my mother.   

[Notwendy]

I think children of disordered parents learn to not feel their feelings and also not be aware of their bodies as much. I know that as a kid, I daydreamed a lot- as a way to cope with the dysfunction in my home.

Being around my mother is stressful. If I feel stressed,  I see this now as a sign to take care of myself.

I agree that counseling is key to learning how to cope with the situation. I have also done some "body work"- getting a massage to help connect to the body helps. Also self care in other forms.

I have to limit contact with my mother. I am in contact with her but I would for instance take her to lunch rather than spend a long period of time with her. I also have emotional boundaries- I don't discuss topics that I feel emotional about. I've learned that we could discuss a movie, or a book, or something not personal like "grandchild's soccer team won today" but not emotional issues. With some work- counseling, 12 step groups, I have learned to have boundaries with her and not feel so reactive to her moods.

I also have rituals to do self care after I see her. I may drive home on a scenic route and enjoy the scenery rather than the highway, stop at a coffee shop and sit there in quiet, take a hot bath with nice bath salts, take a long walk, eat a favorite meal. Self care does not have to be costly. It's doing nice things for you. We all have an inner child that likes to be nurtured. Find what nurtures you.

Listen to your feelings-  and take care of yourself.

[blue-eyed bonnie]

Hi All,

I am 58 and married and have an uBPD mother.  She is now 84 and cannot live alone.  Two years ago she totaled her car and that was the final straw for her living on her own, so she moved in with my husband and me.  I am the "child" that she is emotionally attached to.  Since she moved in, she will not leave the house on her own, will not go anywhere without me, and due to her injuries she really can't cook or carry things or do much for herself.

I have a therapist, and have moved into a guest house on my property.  Of course my husband is angry and won't give up his house to my mother.  If she lives into her 90's, I am not sure either one of us will make it. 

Since I cannot limit my contact with her, I am looking for advise on how to "mentally" remove myself from her, at least some of the time.  It is particularly difficult in the car since she talks constantly and just the sound of her voice trigger PTSD symptoms in me.  Has anyone in a similar situation tried meditation, or thinking patterns that can help me calm myself and block her out.  I'm not going to make it if this goes on for much longer.

Thanks!

[Notwendy]

That would make me bonkers.
Have you considered some respite care to give yourself a break from her?

There are people who are elder companions and it would be a gift to yourself to give yourself a break from caregiving.

[Learning2Thrive]

I had seriously debilitating migraines 2 -3 times per year from puberty until I left my uNPD mother’s house. Same thing started to happen within a few years of marrying uNPDx. The last couple years we were married the migraines were bad enough to send me to the hospital because I couldn’t stop vomiting even after my stomach was empty.

After I left that marriage, started working on better boundaries and taking better care of myself... .no more migraines.

As I age, I am discovering that healthy boundaries and really good self-care are crucial to good health.

[ijustwantpeace]

Most of my troubles with my BPD mom is from expecting her to "act normal".

I have pain in my body and get physically ill from the stress.

I have been spieling downward lately falling into anxiety and depression pretty hard due to her controlling behaviors.

She is working on ending my brother's second marriage.  Already polished off the first.  She is not happy unless everyone is in complete chaos to the point of physical violence.

One thing that has helped is to monitor my emotions and simply ask myself why am I feeling this way?


The other is to spend time with people who are calming, or to just think about calming people, places or things.

This seems to stop the downward spiral.


I just know that if I think about her enough I get physically ill.

Thinking about something beautiful or happy may help you too?  IDK