My wife moved in with another man 4 days before Christmas.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

 I have plenty of threads here, but as a quick recap, my wife moved directly in with another man 2 days post break up 4 days before Christmas.  

From there she moved and lived in 3 different states in the past 5 months.  

These are the ways she would reach out.

January : tell me how much they loved me via text and on phone.

February:   Send love songs.  

March.:  random emails. Texts. Calls. Hopes we could be "together"

Booked a flight to see me.  The night she was supposed to be here she told me she couldn't make it.

April:  learned of a sprained knee I had. Offered to come take care of me.  When I declined asked me to come visit her instead when I am better.

Told me she was in the ER.  Carbon monoxide poisoning.

May:  learned I had a new gf.  Then told
Me she is now "bi" and teasing me with thoughts of being with her and her gf. Morning texts.  Good night texts.  Asked to spend summer with me.

Now each and every time I would even give her the time of day and listen to her, it just ended up with me getting blocked and her finding a reason to be mad.

Luckily I am emotionally over this relationship. It is just interesting to see how they really are.  

I actually think the second anything goes wrong in a current relationship she reaches out to me. The minute her current relationship is better, she blocks me.  

I know from others she has been sexually involved with MANY people.  However she still presents herself to me as if she has not been with anyone.  And is busy "working on herself"

Seeing how the end played out was eye opening for me.  Once detached I can see I never meant anything more than a supply of energy for her.  

I never got a real apology.   Just out of nowhere "I want to see you.  I miss you. " followed by blocking me.

[Husband321]

 I have plenty of threads here, but as a quick recap, my wife moved directly in with another man 2 days post break up 4 days before Christmas.  

From there she moved and lived in 3 different states in the past 5 months.  

These are the ways she would reach out.

January : tell me how much they loved me via text and on phone.

February:   Send love songs.  

March.:  random emails. Texts. Calls. Hopes we could be "together"

Booked a flight to see me.  The night she was supposed to be here she told me she couldn't make it.

April:  learned of a sprained knee I had. Offered to come take care of me.  When I declined asked me to come visit her instead when I am better.

Told me she was in the ER.  Carbon monoxide poisoning.

May:  learned I had a new gf.  Then told
Me she is now "bi" and teasing me with thoughts of being with her and her gf. Morning texts.  Good night texts.  Asked to spend summer with me.

Now each and every time I would even give her the time of day and listen to her, it just ended up with me getting blocked and her finding a reason to be mad.

Luckily I am emotionally over this relationship. It is just interesting to see how they really are.  

I actually think the second anything goes wrong in a current relationship she reaches out to me. The minute her current relationship is better, she blocks me.  

I know from others she has been sexually involved with MANY people.  However she still presents herself to me as if she has not been with anyone.  And is busy "working on herself"

Seeing how the end played out was eye opening for me.  Once detached I can see I never meant anything more than a supply of energy for her.  

I never got a real apology.   Just out of nowhere "I want to see you.  I miss you. " followed by blocking me.

[Jeffree]

Seeing how the end played out was eye opening for me.  Once detached I can see I never meant anything more than a supply of energy for her.

I know it can seem like that. It might even be true on some level. But as we know there isn't just one singular truth. Many things can be true at once. However, what you said above minimizes your existence and your experiences with your ex. At one time there had to be something more than your source of energy in it for her. Likewise, you must have felt that you meant more to her than a source of energy.

Unfortunately, there are few good ways to explain what happens to us in the aftermath of a relationship with a pwBPD. The end always feels like the ultimate destruction of our presence in their life and almost our very existence.

J

[Wicker Man]

Seeing how the end played out was eye opening for me.  Once detached I can see I never meant anything more than a supply of energy for her.  

Mine said... .on Christmas... .of course... .  "We have nothing more to talk about." --she broke up with me.  As if Christmas was not weighted heavily enough from childhood? (ugh)... .

I don't know if this helps any, but here is my belief about my undiagnosed BPD ex.   When she loved me she truly loved me -more than any other human has.  When she hated me she hated me... .  more than any other human has. --When she drank she literally forgot about us.

Mine lied plenty, but I don't think she ever lied about loving or hating me.  She lied about, what I now believe, were adulterous 'slip ups'.  Having re-hashed our time together over and over -I believe the last time she cut herself was after having her ex boyfriend over to our apartment.

I have been no contact for over 5 months -and will remain so.


Wicker Man

[Husband321]

Mine said... .on Christmas... .of course... .  "We have nothing more to talk about." --she broke up with me.  As if Christmas was not weighted heavily enough from childhood? (ugh)... .

I don't know if this helps any, but here is my belief about my undiagnosed BPD ex.   When she loved me she truly loved me -more than any other human has.  When she hated me she hated me... .  more than any other human has. --When she drank she literally forgot about us.

Mine lied plenty, but I don't think she ever lied about loving or hating me.  She lied about, what I now believe, were adulterous 'slip ups'.  Having re-hashed our time together over and over -I believe the last time she cut herself was after having her ex boyfriend over to our apartment.

I have been no contact for over 5 months -and will remain so.


Wicker Man

I think in my case the best analogy would be my 5 yr old son.

He might do and say anything to get a certain toy.  Once he has the toy he might truly love it. (Not lying).  Then all of a sudden it is completely forgotten and he wants a different toy. If he gets the new Toy  he might revisit the old toy from time to time as well.

So I'm sure at times my wife was in total and complete love with me. But I don't think she was capable of a more mature love.  She wasn't lying. 

I think she has been in atleast 5 relationships in the past 5 months. After every single one she reaches out to me. (She doesn't know I know)

So does she "love" me?  Seems more like she doesn't think of me at all UNTIL she has a minute of heartbreak or strife.   If things are going well on her end I am blocked and forgotten.

[Wicker Man]

Mine said often 'I need you'.  It seems there is a lot of truth to this statement.  It appeared to me her concept of 'love' was need based.  Trying to fill an emotional hole.

Your analogy of the 'toy' is very fitting. 

I hope what I wrote about love was not hurtful to you -- personally I am trying to reconcile the maelstrom of emotions I experienced in my time with her.  Love, need, hatred and so on.

Wicker Man

[Husband321]

Mine said often 'I need you'.  It seems there is a lot of truth to this statement.  It appeared to me her concept of 'love' was need based.  Trying to fill an emotional hole.

Your analogy of the 'toy' is very fitting. 

I hope what I wrote about love was not hurtful to you -- personally I am trying to reconcile the maelstrom of emotions I experienced in my time with her.  Love, need, hatred and so on.

Wicker Man

Exactly.   That's what I meant about needing my energy.  Her trying to fill an emotional hole. And I did that well. For a time.

But what I see now is that almost anyone can fill that hole for her.

Man. Woman. Very old man. Older woman. Younger guy.

In the past when she would reach out I would get sucked into the "I am unique.  Twin flames.  True love" idea.

But even while married to me she was reaching out to exes.  And now that I am an ex she sporadically reaches out to me.  Then blocks me.

So more or less, I think, she can't give love.  She can give the "appearance of love" in order to fill her emotional needs.

[Wicker Man]

In the past when she would reach out I would get sucked into the "I am unique.  Twin flames.  True love" idea.

'Always and forever' First, best, never, knight in shining armor... .  Yes, it seems the dialogue is very similar in BPD relationships. 

But even while married to me she was reaching out to exes.

We were never married, but engaged.  There were at least two ex's she kept in her orbit.  One seemed to be a decent guy and the other one was dangerous.  It was the dangerous one she gave our home address to -likely he visited while I was out of town.  There was, of course, another work friend who appeared to be 'on deck'.  All in all quite a mess.

I hope mine can get some help -I have a lot of pity for her, even after all the heartache she caused me.  However... .I doubt she will. 

The experience has gotten me into the therapy I need -so that is a good thing.

Wicker Man