Mother with BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

My mother has BPD and has for years. I am a 26 year old only child. My father passed away 6 years ago. I have been doing all I can to help my mother ever since I was little (maybe 9 or 10).  I have been the parent for my mother. I feel lost and hopeless at this point in my life. I’m trying to gain control of my own life. I don’t know what else to do anymore. I find myself financially supporting her and being there for her emotionally, it’s slowly taking a toll on my life and my other relationships.

[Olivia Grace 26]

My mother has BPD and has for years. I am a 26 year old only child. My father passed away 6 years ago. I have been doing all I can to help my mother ever since I was little (maybe 9 or 10).  I have been the parent for my mother. I feel lost and hopeless at this point in my life. I’m trying to gain control of my own life. I don’t know what else to do anymore. I find myself financially supporting her and being there for her emotionally, it’s slowly taking a toll on my life and my other relationships.

[Kwamina]

Hi Olivia Grace 26

Losing a parent is often very hard to deal with, I am sorry you lost your dad 6 years ago. With everything that's going on with your mom, do you feel like you've ever really had the chance to truly mourn the loss of your father?

You've been dealing with your mother's behavior for many years already and I can understand how that can take its toll on you. Has your mother been officially diagnosed with BPD? What are the main BPD traits you see in her?

I am glad you are reaching out for support here

The Board Parrot

[Panda39]

Hi Olivia Grace 26,

I'd like to join Kwamina and welcome you 

You most definitely are not alone in having issues with a person with BPD/BPD traits in your life, everyone here "gets it".  I found it amazing when I arrived here how similar our stories can be.

Based on your opening poste I wanted to share a couple of articles from the site it sounds like you are experiencing both... .

https://bpdfamily.com/content/was-part-your-childhood-deprived-emotional-incest

https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog

Are you seeing a therapist at all?  If you can I would suggest you do, they can help you get a handle on what is going on between you and your mom in the real world and you have us in the virtual world 

What I'm hearing in your post is that boundaries would be helpful for you, because it sounds like you feel as if she, and her needs, and her life is closing in on you.  Boundaries can be tough for children with BPD parents because you are raised to not have any in relation to your BPD parent, but like any skill you can learn it with practice. 

Do you live with your mom or in your own place?

Panda3

[puzzlepiece18]

Hi there OliviaGrace.  I too am a young woman who is suffering through a relationship with a BPD mother. It recently turned even more emotionally abusive than ever before, and I have not spoken to her in two weeks. I have been in therapy for over two years now, and I am certainly no expert, but you have to put yourself first.  I struggle with this every single day, but at some point, we have to take charge of our lives and protect ourselves.  I'm not sure what that looks like for you, but I rely on my job to keep me busy, my friends and husband for support, laughter, distractions, etc., and I have a very supportive sibling. I do hope that you also have these support systems.  We are conditioned to not be selfish, but sometimes you just have to!  I know that it is very difficult.  Please feel free to reach out to me; it is nice to be able to form friends and allies in such trying times.

Sending you peace and support.