detaching very very gradually

[LL]

Hello Everyone.

I'm checking in. It is really good to have this place to work through some things.

I've been up and down since I left my ex. Sometimes I feel awful, other times I feel strong and empowered. I recognize the process. My DV advocate tells me that I am exactly where I should be, and that the ups and downs are normal.

Today I had a visit with my dog. I met him at his home to pick her up. He was polite. He was also injured, walking with a cane with a boot on his foot. I didn't ask him about it when I picked her up. When I dropped her off, we had a laugh about the overabundance of dog food that we both purchased. It was the first time we have laughed together since I left 5 months ago. I was worried about his leg. It was hard to see him injured. I asked him about it, he said "oh this and that, multiple things wrong with it" There are times that I feel nothing but compassion for him. He is suffering and struggling so much. He was very guarded though, I don't know how to explain it, he is angry with me, probably for reaching out for help for him when I first left. I did talk about some of the abusive behavior, and drug abuse, all in an attempt to find him some help. I couldn't help him when we were together, and I couldn't just leave and watch him die without trying to find him some support. But also, abusive behavior is not ok. I left my home with nothing and I've struggled since then to rebuild my life. It has been very hard, and the abusive behavior has affected my mental health quite a lot. When I reached out I made sure that people knew that he needed love, support, and help, not shaming. I don't know what kind of help he is getting, but I do know that he has not acknowledged his abusive behavior to me. He is a stone wall.

I did have a short cry when I got in my car. It wasn't too bad. I feel sad for the loss of the person that I loved, but I also in the same moment know that he needs help. It was different seeing him this time. It was sad, but not heartbreaking in the way it has been. I guess it is a step in the right direction. I miss my best friend though.

[Turkish]

. I couldn't help him when we were together, and I couldn't just leave and watch him die without trying to find him some support. But also, abusive behavior is not ok.

That isn't anyone's role, and abusive behavior is never ok,  but your compassion for him is admirable now that you are safe. 

[Mutt]

Hi LL,

Thanks for sharing that with us. I think that many of us can relate with your post bittersweet comes to mind. We get conflicted feelings on the one hand we have memories o future the person that we first met then have the experiences with Mr Hyde. I’m with Turk your compassion is admirable. Take very good care of yourself.