Filed for Divorce

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

 I filed for divorce!  After trying to get ex parte PPO's (denied) and trying to get Legal Aid (couldn't help due to safety issues because he was still in the home).  I couldn't evict him because we were still married.  I could not deal with him anymore.  I was finally like screw it.  I am going file by myself and hope he doesn't beat me up or kill me.  I made sure the kids were safe and a family friend was willing to talk to him and try to get him to leave peacefully.


Thankfully he left, and aside from some yelling, it was peaceful.  He has been gone for a little over a month now.  He has not tried to make any contact.  I hope that continues.  Since he is gone, I have an attorney through legal aid now.  I have asked for sole legal and sole physical custody of our daughters and very limited supervised visitation.  Therapy, medication, anger management and parenting classes too.  Divorce should be complete by November! 

I get a little irritated when people say "sorry to hear that" when I tell them I'm getting divorced.  I say "don't feel sorry, I am so happy and excited about it".  It's like a million pound weight is off my shoulders.

Even though he had barely contributed anything the last month he was here and left with us in a financial hole, everything is easier to deal with.  I know what needs to be done.  I am not consistently defending myself for why I did what I did and how I did I it.  I make the rules now, I make the structure.  I can arrange things how I want.  I can spend as much time with my kids as I want without him getting jealous of the kids and acting out.

I can begin to heal.  My children can begin to heal.
Just wanted to share 

[Smileypants]

 I filed for divorce!  After trying to get ex parte PPO's (denied) and trying to get Legal Aid (couldn't help due to safety issues because he was still in the home).  I couldn't evict him because we were still married.  I could not deal with him anymore.  I was finally like screw it.  I am going file by myself and hope he doesn't beat me up or kill me.  I made sure the kids were safe and a family friend was willing to talk to him and try to get him to leave peacefully.


Thankfully he left, and aside from some yelling, it was peaceful.  He has been gone for a little over a month now.  He has not tried to make any contact.  I hope that continues.  Since he is gone, I have an attorney through legal aid now.  I have asked for sole legal and sole physical custody of our daughters and very limited supervised visitation.  Therapy, medication, anger management and parenting classes too.  Divorce should be complete by November! 

I get a little irritated when people say "sorry to hear that" when I tell them I'm getting divorced.  I say "don't feel sorry, I am so happy and excited about it".  It's like a million pound weight is off my shoulders.

Even though he had barely contributed anything the last month he was here and left with us in a financial hole, everything is easier to deal with.  I know what needs to be done.  I am not consistently defending myself for why I did what I did and how I did I it.  I make the rules now, I make the structure.  I can arrange things how I want.  I can spend as much time with my kids as I want without him getting jealous of the kids and acting out.

I can begin to heal.  My children can begin to heal.
Just wanted to share 

[spero]

Hi there Smileypants,

I send greetings from the community. I wish you peace and may life after this juncture be the beginning of the healing journey for both you and your kids.

I say "don't feel sorry, I am so happy and excited about it".  It's like a million pound weight is off my shoulders.

I know what needs to be done.  I am not consistently defending myself for why I did what I did and how I did I it.  I make the rules now, I make the structure.  I can arrange things how I want.  I can spend as much time with my kids as I want without him getting jealous of the kids and acting out.

I can begin to heal.  My children can begin to heal.
Just wanted to share 

I suppose while divorce in your situation is different, that it has brought you reprieve after a long while having to deal with someone how has hurt you so much until he has left you no choice but to file.

It is good to know that your kids are safe and that these set of circumstances can be put behind you in order to move toward positive change.
Takegood care and we are always here as a community to hear you out if you so need anything.

Yours,
Spero.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Smileypants, Well done.  There's no "good time" to file for divorce and sometimes it's just a matter of stepping into the unknown, which I've discovered is where greater happiness can be found.

I like how you put this:

I know what needs to be done.  I am not consistently defending myself for why I did what I did and how I did I it.  I make the rules now, I make the structure.  I can arrange things how I want.  I can spend as much time with my kids as I want without him getting jealous of the kids and acting out.

Right, you're the Captain of your ship.  I suspect there will be rough seas ahead, but you "know what needs to be done."  I welcomed the post-divorce challenges because they were My challenges and part of My path, which made a difference to me.  I suspect you can relate.

Keep us posted, as spero says, and let us know if you have any particular questions.

LuckyJim

[mylovewbpd]

You give me hope.  I just posted that I'm filing next week.  I am happy about the moving forward and letting go of the toxicity but sad for what I thought the relationship was.  It wasn't real was it?  I am still coming to grips.  Nevertheless, I have decided I need to throw on the oxygen mask and save myself.  Your post reads, "I am not consistently defending myself for why I did what I did and how I did I it.  I make the rules now, I make the structure.  I can arrange things how I want.", and it really made me so hopeful.  I am a confident, happy, well-rounded person and cannot wait for the day I can get back to enjoying life to the fullest again. Thank you

[Mutt]

I am not consistently defending myself for why I did what I did and how I did I it.  I make the rules now, I make the structure.  I can arrange things how I want.  I can spend as much time with my kids as I want without him getting jealous of the kids and acting out.

I can begin to heal.  My children can begin to heal.

A divorce can be awkward people may not know whT to say if they haven’t gone through plus you’re dealing a pwBPD the stress, anxiety, depression is a lot to go through day in and day out now you’re free and I like Lucky Jim put it you’re the captain and you can go wherever you feel like. Congrats on filing 

[mama-wolf]

Good for you, Smileypants!  It sounds like you took the reins and are reaping the benefits of taking control of your life.

I hope you continue to enjoy the peace of being able to make your own choices and not having to carry that weight anymore!

mw