Help with recent break-up with BPD male

[Iris828]

  My un-diagnosed bf and I broke up yesterday, after a rough weekend of fighting because he had been drinking/was drunk for 5th day out of 7  and had said some very cruel and abusive things to me to include blaming me for his drinking. On Sunday, he had said I was driving him crazy but that he wanted to work things out with me; that he had no where else to go. Yesterday, I asked him to see a therapist with me. He said I was one who needed therapy and I was one who was abusive, that he didn't want someone like me in his life anymore.

I'm so heartbroken. I feel used, lied to, manipulated and emotionally abused then tossed away. Why? Because for the past 7 months I've helped him get back on his feet, get financially stable and allowed him to move in with me before I was ready. Once he moved in, he began drinking again, I caught him in lies and taking to other women.

We've had fights before where we worked them out, but never to this extent and they were before he moved in. I have no idea where he is and I disconnected the cell phone I was paying for. He still has things here and I have no idea what to do.

His ex wife is now telling me he used me and is a chronic liar.

I need support and advice. Please.

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi Iris828 and

ouch. sounds like youve been through the wringer Iris828.

are you wanting to reconcile the relationship?

[Iris828]

Hello and thanks for responding. I know that it's healthier for me to remain un-reconciled.

Furthermore, he stated that he didn't need someone like me in his life. Then proceeded to say that I'm the one who needed therapy and was abusive. That if I took any clothes to his work to drop off near his car, he'd call the police.

So I had the cell phone I was paying for disconnected. I have not seen or spoke to hon since yesterday morning. I feel I'm in limbo as I have no idea where he was, where his mind is at or when he will pick up his things or how to handle it.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi Iris,

I'd like to join OR in welcoming you to the site.  It's horrible to feel in limbo like that.  Is it 7 months altogether that you were together for and how did you make the connection with BPD?  Does he acknowledge his dysfunctional behaviours?  It sounds like you've been facing some projection and push pull behaviour.  How long ago did he move in? 

I'd advise you to take a look at the tools tab on the top menu, where you can find lots of helpful information on how to improve communication between you and reduce conflict.  Even if you don't reconcile, these are skills that will benefit all relationships in your life, so you can carry them forward with you.  Joining other discussions is also hugely beneficial.  You're not alone. 

Love and light x

   

[once removed]

I feel I'm in limbo as I have no idea where he was, where his mind is at or when he will pick up his things or how to handle it.

whats going on today Iris828? have you heard anything from him? anything happen with his belongings?

[pearlsw]

 My un-diagnosed bf... .said some very cruel and abusive things to me to include blaming me for his drinking. On Sunday, he had said I was driving him crazy but that he wanted to work things out with me... .Yesterday, I asked him to see a therapist with me. He said I was one who needed therapy and I was one who was abusive, that he didn't want someone like me in his life anymore.

I'm so heartbroken. I feel used, lied to, manipulated and emotionally abused then tossed away.

I need support and advice. Please.

Hi Iris28,

I've dealt with a bit of such talk myself, sometimes fueled by alcohol. It tends to be hot air, and eventually blows over, but still... .it is a lot to have heaped on you.

May I ask, how well do you know his ex-wife and is she around now? How would he feel about you talking with her? Would that inflame things?

How are you feeling now? Is a breakup something you want?

You are not alone!

with compassion, pearl.