Today, I went to this bubble tea shop me and my ex used to frequent. We were always in that plaza. She showed me that plaza. I wonder if I ever will bump into her there. A part of me hopes I do. For her to see how far I've come.

Today, however. After the bubble tea shop. My mom wanted food from this one restaurant. Me and my ex went there after a fight we had. I ordered food and hoped we could enjoy it. Instead she sat at a table across from me while I waited for food. Then she kept walking away. Making a scene. Told me to just eat my food and rolling her eyes the whole time. It was traumatic. Trying to talk to her while she would roll her eyes at me and ignore me made me feel so belittled. Then of course, her getting on her phone and fake laughing on posts to piss me off. Knowing it worked. me grabbing her arm to get attention, and wanting to talk because the relationship mattered to me... just to be called names and then made out to be controlling and abusive. so traumatic.

The fight before that was entailed by us going to a sauna, and having miscommunication. She was terrible at communicating and then telling me "she told me" and i thought i was going crazy because I never heard her say any of it. Anyway, we went to the sauna, and I didnt know you had to leave the gender only section and there is a meeting section for both genders. She waited for me there for 3 hours while I stayed in the mens section because the way to the male/female section was going back to the lobby. And I thought once you get to the front, you cant come back inside. she never told me how to meet her. I didnt have my phone because it was in the locker. this of course was the biggest fight we ever had. I did take blame of it, and she made me feel so stupid. everything else followed. She never communicated well, or told me anything. all through the relationship.

When i got the food, i became numb to those feelings and memories. A lot of the places I visit bring those memories back, but then I become numb to it. I accept it in the past. I hope to never have to go through that type of abuse again. I hope none of you will ever have to go through it either. Time does make handling the memories and emotions better.

Do you guys ever become triggered by places?

Not anymore, and I think part of you revisiting them might be helpful to change the supernatural meaning attached to them.

It sounds like there was a mix of good and bad things that happened when you went with her to places. Try going there on your own and have a good experience. It will cement in the mind that they are just backdrops of a stage where some drama took place, but above all, they are just places where it is your own mindset that ascribes any more meaning to them, beyond that of being bricks and mortar, sand and sea.

It sounds like you're still feeling a lot, CryWolf.  Which isn't a bad thing!  Feeling your feelings is an important part of healing and it sounds like you're doing a great job with this. 


Numb or desensitized?

Thank you all for the warm responces and suggestions. During the first few months of the break up, I avoided places. I avoided this one city in general because we always were there.

Over time, I did start to get over and accept the feelings. We had good and bad times at these places. I still miss her, and those memories will always be a part of who I am and who we were. Now I can visit the places, and something about her will pop up, as Im sure something about me may pop up to her. But I suppose thats just how life is.

I have been going to new places and creating new memories, either with me or new girls Ive dated. It has helped tremendously in detaching from my expBPD.
I cried too, buddy.  ... Nothing has ever made me cry so much in life than this relationship.
Yes, when feelings of her come about, I ask myself "why am I feeling this? what triggered it?" and it really helps bring my emotions to surface and come into alignment with my ownself.

I guess you can say desensitized towards her. Ive hurt and cried so much over her, that i dont think I can anymore, and I dont want to anymore.


Yes in time, I did revisit these places. Once you revisit in a different state of mind, and with a different outlook after the breakup, you appreciate the moments with that person more, but you also appreciate how you visit these places again without feeling despair or sadness. The first time is the hardest, but then it gets easier.