Life is becoming easier

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I wanted to post something positive and share my relatively successful situation that I am currently in.

For those of you that haven't read my past posts I have been getting closer to separation/divorce for years but the prospect of being a father fighting for custody in family court never felt like it would be successful so I held off and stayed in the marriage longer than I should have so that I wouldn't loose any time with my son.

In that time my dBPDw admitted to having issues with cocaine, was struggling with her anorexia, became suicidal, was hospitalized for her self harmful behaviors, diagnosed with breast cancer, and cheated on me.

The day I discovered that she cheated I asked her not to come home and she agreed and has been staying with her mother since then.

It has been over a month and the tone in my home very positive and relaxed. I have my son with me 95% of the time that he isn't at school or camp and she hasn't had him overnight since she left even though it has been offered. I have been successfully maintaining my boundaries and resisting rescuing her as she wants to "feel safe at home" and though I believe her desire for this is honest and that her intent is to be kind I do not believe that she has the ability to maintain a long term stable relationship and I need to move on.

I feel validated in this as she is in conflict with her mother and is having some level of difficulty in that relationship and believe that the conflict would all shift to me if she were to return.

Also as a note the process of consolidating debt and positioning us for the financial impacts of our impending divorce are moving along nicely and when that phase is complete I will be meeting with my lawyer again to provide him with my financial disclosure documentation and begin laying out what we need for a temporary order.

The only difficulty that I have to navigate, and I do this by my own decision, is that until her surgery is completed and any initial follow up treatment is also completed I cannot by my personal ethics complete the divorce as it would instantly cancel her health insurance that I carry for her through the Army. However, with a good temporary order the impact should be negligible.

Good things are happening, and for all of you struggling getting them to willingly leave the house makes life so much calmer.

[Tired_Dad]

I wanted to post something positive and share my relatively successful situation that I am currently in.

For those of you that haven't read my past posts I have been getting closer to separation/divorce for years but the prospect of being a father fighting for custody in family court never felt like it would be successful so I held off and stayed in the marriage longer than I should have so that I wouldn't loose any time with my son.

In that time my dBPDw admitted to having issues with cocaine, was struggling with her anorexia, became suicidal, was hospitalized for her self harmful behaviors, diagnosed with breast cancer, and cheated on me.

The day I discovered that she cheated I asked her not to come home and she agreed and has been staying with her mother since then.

It has been over a month and the tone in my home very positive and relaxed. I have my son with me 95% of the time that he isn't at school or camp and she hasn't had him overnight since she left even though it has been offered. I have been successfully maintaining my boundaries and resisting rescuing her as she wants to "feel safe at home" and though I believe her desire for this is honest and that her intent is to be kind I do not believe that she has the ability to maintain a long term stable relationship and I need to move on.

I feel validated in this as she is in conflict with her mother and is having some level of difficulty in that relationship and believe that the conflict would all shift to me if she were to return.

Also as a note the process of consolidating debt and positioning us for the financial impacts of our impending divorce are moving along nicely and when that phase is complete I will be meeting with my lawyer again to provide him with my financial disclosure documentation and begin laying out what we need for a temporary order.

The only difficulty that I have to navigate, and I do this by my own decision, is that until her surgery is completed and any initial follow up treatment is also completed I cannot by my personal ethics complete the divorce as it would instantly cancel her health insurance that I carry for her through the Army. However, with a good temporary order the impact should be negligible.

Good things are happening, and for all of you struggling getting them to willingly leave the house makes life so much calmer.

[Mustbeabetterway]

Dear Tired_Dad,

Wow!  Thanks for sharing your positive news with us.  Isn't it amazing how the tone, as you say, changes when firm boundaries are in place?

I am happy that you are getting to provide a quality environment for your son.

It is very compassionate that you are not rushing to drop her from your insurance.

Kudos, keep up the good work! 

Peace and blessings,

Mustbeabetterway

[spero]

Dear Tired_Dad,

I join mustbe in sending you greetings. Its been some time since since you last posted.

I'm glad to hear that some positive changes are happening in your home and that the environment has improved.
You're also going above and beyond by just not wanting to drop her insurance now.
Keep it steady, Tired_Dad, and i hope that you'd certainly be less tired.

Yours,
Spero.