All boards lead us here

[JNChell]

Hi all. I want to start by expressing how much I value this site. Although it’s not face to face conversation, we’re able to speak freely here about what we’ve been through. Being able to “express” is paramount. I’m grateful for bpdfamily.  

I read on here that all of the boards eventually lead to the family board. I’m not generalizing, I’m simply speaking from personal experience. In my experience, I find this to be true.

I found my way here, and started on the Detaching board. I was in a bad way.

Again, I don’t want to generalize. My FOO was awful. Considering that I was adopted compounded the situation. Through this support group and a great psychologist, I’m beginning to make sense of my choices in life. I’ve made choices on what feels familiar (familial) to me. I was conditioned as a child. Therefore, it makes total sense that I am attracted to what is familiar to me. It’s subconscious. It’s been an aspect that has been running my life behind the scenes, so to speak. It’s liberating to have finally figured this out. Now it’s time to put the work in. This is the hard part. The healing. The roller coaster relationships have been a product of unresolved issues. I am at fault just as much as the mother of our Son. We both have unresolved issues. Also, one of us is on this site, and the other is continuing a cycle.

I’ll be spending most of my time here on this board from here on out, I think. My issues started with my FOO. It feels appropriate.

[Kwamina]

Hi JNChell

There is indeed a very old Parrot saying: No matter where you start out at, in the end, all roads lead to PSI.

It is true that when you are raised a certain way in a certain environment, that reality is basically all you know. Even if certain things felt unpleasant or strange, it was still all you knew and in that sense it was 'normal'. Unfortunately this can indeed lead us to seek out individuals and situations in our adult life that also feel 'normal', that have that same familiar energy, we might not even be (fully) aware of it as you also point out.

It's great that you are coming to new insights about yourself and how you've been affected by your past experiences. This will definitely help you set out a new course towards more healing and growth

What do you consider the main issues you are dealing with? In what ways they you feel affected by growing up in your FOO?

Great to have you aboard as we all undertake this adventurous journey toward a brighter tomorrow

The Board Parrot

[Skip]

I’ll be spending most of my time here on this board from here on out, I think. My issues started with my FOO. It feels appropriate.

You are making a lot of good choices in your recovery. Looking at FOO issues can really help us. Many members would be well served by doing this.

Welcome.  

[Harri]

Hi again JNChell! 

I am pleased you are joining us.  We get it here and we can walk along with you as you work your way through this very difficult stuff.  When you are ready, we've gotcha!

[Turkish]

You quoted The Parrot. Now will never hear the end of it how Parrot Wisdom is right 

I don't remember if anyone referred you to the Survivor's Guide to the right of the board in your previous threads here,  but if you read it,  at which stage would you judge yourself at?

As an adoptee myself,  I take special interest in members like us who are adopted,  and also parents of children with BPD on that board whose kids are adopted.  It helps me to reach out to others like us. 

Therefore, it makes total sense that I am attracted to what is familiar to me. It’s subconscious. It’s been an aspect that has been running my life behind the scenes, so to speak. It’s liberating to have finally figured this out. Now it’s time to put the work in. This is the hard part. The healing. The roller coaster relationships have been a product of unresolved issues. I am at fault just as much as the mother of our Son. We both have unresolved issues. Also, one of us is on this site, and the other is continuing a cycle.

Take pride in the fact that you are self aware and making the effort to dig deep. 

T

[Woolspinner2000]

Hey JNChell,

Nice to have you back again.   How are you doing? Yes, this is often the place where it all began, back in the beginning, from the place where our imprinting began. You are very welcome here. Let's walk this journey together. It's much less lonely that way. 

 
Wools

[Learning2Thrive]

I’ll be spending most of my time here on this board from here on out, I think. My issues started with my FOO. It feels appropriate.

Yes, I started on another board and ended up here as well.  It's where I belong.  Welcome.

[JNChell]

Hi, everyone! Thank you all so much for reaching out and responding. I just wanted to pop in and convey that. I’ll definitely be back later to respond to each of you individually. Again, thank you all!

[JNChell]

Hi Kwamina, and thank you.

It is true that when you are raised a certain way in a certain environment, that reality is basically all you know

This is very true, and very sad in certain situations. It becomes a mental struggle down the line. As an adult, I know what has affected me, but the reactivity and shame take presidence over what I know is right. I’m working very hard on this in therapy. My reactions are not healthy.

What do you consider the main issues you are dealing with? In what ways they you feel affected by growing up in your FOO?

The main thing that I’m dealing with is “why?”. Why did they adopt me to reign terror on me. I’m beginning to understand this by hearing stories from their pasts, but they chose me as a baby. I’ve also read that my birth mother giving me up had an adverse effect on me. Abandonment. We need our mothers for a certain amount of time after birth. It’s Biological, not emotional, and this Biological blip can affect our emotions in adverse ways. Thank you, Board Parrot!

[JNChell]

You are making a lot of good choices in your recovery. Looking at FOO issues can really help us. Many members would be well served by doing this.

Skip, this support group is genius. It is built on compassion, empathy, sympathy, science and experience. It should be studied and duplicated. This angle should be implemented into therapy and psychiatry. Thank you.

[JNChell]

Harri, thank you. I’m always glad to receive responses from you. We have some horrific things in common, and the flip side is that we can share and process those things here. I’m glad that you’re a leader on this site. You are very appreciated.

[JNChell]

Turkish, much respect my fellow.

You quoted The Parrot. Now will never hear the end of it how Parrot Wisdom is right  grin


  Looking forward to it!

I don't remember if anyone referred you to the Survivor's Guide to the right of the board in your previous threads here,  but if you read it,  at which stage would you judge yourself at?

I am most certainly a survivor, and I’ve been this way my whole life. This is a big subject in therapy. Being a thriver is the end goal. I’ve been told that once a person becomes a thriver, there is no going back. That’s my paradise, but it feels so far away, if not unattainable.

As an adoptee myself,  I take special interest in members like us who are adopted,  and also parents of children with BPD on that board whose kids are adopted.  It helps me to reach out to others like us. 

In my 41 years, I’ve never met another person that has walked in the same shoes. I believe that we could have a cup of tea or share a craft beer and relate and share many stories. I should share that my bio dad recently died of cancer. He wasn’t an upstanding parent or person, but I had hopes of meeting him. Does this crap ever end? Where is our ground zero of comfort?

Take pride in the fact that you are self aware and making the effort to dig deep. 

I just want to say thank you for that.

[JNChell]

Hi Woolspinner2000! Thank you.

Nice to have you back again.   How are you doing? Yes, this is often the place where it all began, back in the beginning, from the place where our imprinting began. You are very welcome here. Let's walk this journey together. It's much less lonely that way.  Doing the right thing

I’m just beside myself that so many of us were helpless children and that time went so fast and we were pipelined here. Now we have our own children. I’m trying so hard to be sure that our Son will be a healthy man when he decides to go out on his own. I’m terrified of doing things wrong. My frame of reference is the battle.

[JNChell]

Thank you, Learningtothrive. I miss my ex. I’m struggling with false hopes. I still struggle with what she has said, and what is real. Just like mom. I’ve read a lot of what you’ve posted. I like it. I’m glad that you responded.

[Learning2Thrive]

JNChell,

Fat tire bike technique:  visualize yourself on the other side. Breathe. Believe in yourself and your bike. Keep breathing and pedal through.

You got this. It’s all about believing in yourself and practice.

We are here and I am cheering you on.

 

[JNChell]

Is there a skid mark involved? A tire squeal?

[Learning2Thrive]

Heck yeah! It’s freakin awesome.

[JNChell]

LMAO L2T! I needed that.

[Learning2Thrive]

Seriously though. I spent some time in the mud this morning. Last week I would have bailed. Today I believed in me.  When my rear wheel swung around, I trusted my counter steer. I pedaled through. I stayed upright and made it. An onlooker cheered me on. It felt incredible.

I’m certain there are many people with much more amazing skills than mine. But, my skills count for me. Improvement counts and should be celebrated.

[JNChell]

Noted my friend. Thank you.

[JNChell]

Turkish, hope this doesn’t weird you out, but I allow my Son the occasional happy meal. One came with a snow fox. Of course the toy was a white dog. I persuaded him to name it Turkish. He’ll see the movie soon enough.

[Mustbeabetterway]

Hi JNChellHELL,

Just wanted to pop in and say hello.  Glad to hear you are still here and working on yourself.  I have no doubt that you will be moving from surviving to your goal of thriving.

When I hear a song that applies to my situation, I think of your thread where we discussed relatable songs, thanks for that!

Well anyway, I wish you the best on your journey.

 Mustbeabetterway

[Turkish]

Turkish, hope this doesn’t weird you out, but I allow my Son the occasional happy meal. One came with a snow fox. Of course the toy was a white dog. I persuaded him to name it Turkish. He’ll see the movie soon enough.

Aww, I am freaking honored!

I try to stay away from McD's but we go there every few months.  The buttermilk chicken strips are really good.  They make the nuggets taste like garbage.  S8 agrees. D6 still likes the nuggets 

I feel robbed that they're weren't happy meals when we were kids... . 

Which movie is it? I saw a trailer for Alpha which looked interesting.

[JNChell]

I was referring to “Snatch”. I’m a huge Guy Ritchie fan.

[JNChell]

“Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels”?

[JNChell]

S3 is slowly falling asleep. I’m having a bit of a back and forth with his mom. I really miss her. Especially when I’m with our boy. Man, it’s hard when the wishing kicks in.

[JNChell]

I just want to put my hand through the wall. Over and over. It won’t solve a thing, but it’s tempting. I won’t do it. I just need to vent. I’m so tired of feeling like this. It’s so damn tiring. I’m so exhausted. It’s on me.

[Turkish]

Was Turkish from Snatch. It was the name of my pet rat, his brother being Tommy,  naturally.  My ex made me get rid of them before I moved in with her.  They were neutered males,  so calm,  lap rats who would sit there or on your shoulder, content to be pet. My buddy and his wife took them for me.  They passed and I wasn't there... .my ex was deathly afraid of rats even though they were tame like cats. I never quite forgave myself for giving them up. 

Putting your hand though a wall will punish yourself.  You've been punished enough. Give yourself some grace. That's a hard thing to do for us PSI kids... .

[Learning2Thrive]

Putting your hand though a wall will punish yourself.  You've been punished enough. Give yourself some grace. That's a hard thing to do for us PSI kids... .

What Turkish said!

Grieve the loss of love that you desired and do the work you need to heal to become stronger and your best self. YOU are worthy. You ARE worthy. You are WORTHY.

There are silver linings available to us PSI kids if we do the work to heal. These silver linings are not available to those who have not suffered as we have.