I guess this is a smear campaign

[Pina colada]

In retrospect, I now realize my sister posting on that conduct disorder website about our family and now focusing on me... .is an all out smear campaign.  I am not sure why it took so long to put 2 and 2 together but that is what she does.  I finally enlightened my adult daughters 26 and let them read and they were beyond mortified.  They know their aunt suffers from mental illness but they were stunned, horrified and shocked at the lengths my sister goes to when attacking me.  They even found past posts about them and really I have no words.  They also saw horrible things she wrote about her own kids so I guess it is easy to attack me, her younger sister.  I have learned through psychotherapy that 1) I never attached to my sister as she was abusive my whole childhood, horrible really. 2) Because there was no attachment while I miss (the kind sister that helped me through rough times emotionally and the sweet person she can be) those are her masks with me.  She would offer to help me emotionally and if I did not do what she felt I should do she turned on me and cut me out of her life... It was most confusing but the truth is I am good without her in my life as I never attached to her because of her abuse... .I feel bad for the role I played in trying to get even with her when I read her hateful stuff but that is a total waste of my time and I am in such a good place now I don't need to play her silly games.  Crazy how a BPD or NPD can bring us down to their levels. Fleas I believe.  I am happy to be free of fleas!

[LeneLu]

Pina Colada, your realization that you never attached to your sister in childhood just made a lightbulb go off for me.  I never attached to my sister either.  She did all she could do under the wire to torment me during childhood.  I don't hate her, I just don't have affection for her.  I have never known why.  I was just sitting here thinking to myself "I don't know how to love her." It seems that every approach I try, every gesture I make to show her attention blows up in my face.  And, ironically, the more energy and effort I put into it, the worse the response. 

[Pina colada]

leenlou I am happy if my babbling helped you!  It took me a long time to learn about how attaching to our parents and others as a child shape whom we are today.  I can relate to the lack of affection too.  Please don't berate yourself either, the abuse wasn't your fault (or mine).  My sister made it worse as when she got married, I was 13 , she came to me as she home life was bad.  She actually said "I will be like your mother" or something like that as my relationship with mom was very strained during that time.  What I didn't know is she was was playing divide and conquer with all the family.  She would push me for my secrets which I shared and she told mom, dad, brother, everyone all about my private stuff.  Worst part is she always embellished the stories, made me out worse than I was.  She also left out her role is many things Idid.  I was so naive and trusting.  My mom told me about 15 years later that sister was no friend of mine, trashing me to everyone.  I shut down and cut her off of my life for 7 years.  She still manage to abuse and torture me.  It was after that that I realized what you did, the feeling wasn't there and now I know why!  If you would like to PM me please do!  I'd love to hear more as it sounds like we are going through similar feelings... .

[LeneLu]

Hi Pina colada,

(the system says that you are accepting PMs at the moment, so here goes).

My sis is 5 years older and I believe she is BPD both genetically (from my maternal gran) and environmentally (she was abandoned when I came along). I have tried hard to please her over the years.  I really should have looked at the motivation behind that more seriously.  It was not normal.  And, when she asked too much of me, I did get frustrated.  She requires a lot of attention, has learned helplessness and a complete lack of empathy. I am NC with her now but will have to see her soon.  As that barrels down on me, I am ruminating on our relationship more.  But, this revelation that you helped create takes a little of the guilt off.  Why would anyone expect me to have true love and affection for someone that will turn on me in an instant?

[Pina colada]

leenlou I don't why it says you can not pm... .hmmm.  Thank you for sharing your story.  Of course BPD can come both genetically and environmentally as you stated.  When you state she was abandoned when you came along , do you mean because you, being the baby were now your parents primary focus?  Jealousy of course.  At five, she would be old enough to be jealousy if that was the case.  My disordered sister is seven years my senior and I felt she was always jealous of me even though I never felt I got a lot of attention.  I was more independent and just completely different from her and I still am.  My sister was horrible and made attachment impossible.  I agree with you about how hard it is to have love and affection for someone that treated you terribly.  My father used to brush her abuse off and felt family needs to stick together... .something like that.  I almost felt he thought I should my back on her abuse because we were blood.  I will say, his last five or so years he totally saw things through my eyes and was on to my sisters evil.  He played the game with her though because he was her father and his health was suffering and it was just plain easier to keep the peace.  In the end, all my sister cared about was his money not even going to his funeral last summer... .Perhaps I will message you?  Maybe we can take this private!